Called out on my stuff!
In the face of arrogance or bravado, hold gently that still, small piece that says “I’m not enough.” In the face of judgement or comparisons, step into the opportunity the world has just provided you for practicing love and acceptance. In the face of ferocious hatred, believe in the possibility that there exists the potential for equally as big, intense, lovely and fiery ferocious love. (Kate Swoboda life coach, writer, speaker)
Have you ever had one of those conversations with a friend and they say something to you and it hit you straight between the eyes, because you know it is true and they are right! They basically called you out on your stuff! How do you react when that happens? I have learnt that when you own your stuff and take responsibility for your actions, you listen. You take the information in and use it as a healing tool. When you are not so evolved, when you are not ready to own your stuff you get offended, you may even retaliate in a “ who does she think she is?” sort of way.
I had one of those conversations yesterday and I was so proud of myself that I did not react but I responded. When you react, you just do fly in without thinking, with defensiveness, with judgement, with fear, you want to fight or flight! And hey, I am not saying that in a way to make it wrong but just in a way where one becomes aware of what their response is so as to make a choice. We all are where we are, and that is maybe you need to be at that moment to get your lessons.
We were having this conversation and she said listen your ex husband will be visiting me with his new family. I am not going to be giving you any information on the time that he is here with them because it will trip you off and trigger some of your scars. My first reaction was scars? What scars you talking about? I aint got no scars I’m Captain Awesome! Then she carried on, she said you would probably make your presence felt somehow! She said the old you would do something to make sure that he knows that you come here often and spend time and not forget what he put you through, to make him wrong and you right, the new you might, I don’t know, do something more subtle.
So I paused, I responded, rather than reacted and it led to such an intelligent and empowering discussion with her that after I felt really grateful for the information and for the fact that she was courageous enough to call me on my stuff, to let me know that I have evolved and moved on, that I am human and I felt proud of myself for being authentic.
So what did I learn today?
Feedback is good, feedback is necessary; it’s even more awesome when given with love! Watch your intent when you provide feedback. No one likes to feel as though they are being attacked or made wrong sometimes you have no control over their reaction because they are dealing with their own stuff but providing the feedback with love and compassion helps!
You want to be right about how wrong he was, you didn’t deserve it but bless it and let it go. Bless it because what you bless will benefit you, what you bless the Universe will bring back to you; you may never get it from that person, now bless it and let it go!
Wherever you are on your journey it’s ok