All healing is release from the past

 ACIM

As you shake your head No and point at all the people you can blame for what is going on with you, you miss another divine opportunity to examine what is really going on within you
Until you are willing to accept total and complete responsibility for your life, your life will keep sending you experiences designed to get your attention"
 I would read this every day a few years ago, to remind myself to take responsibility for me rather than looking for someone to blame and outsourcing my happiness
I would recite it in the morning out loud, in front the mirror because when I look into my eyes I know there is nothing worse than breaking a committment to me
I was reminded of it today, by chance - awww no not at all- there is no chance

I have been stressing out for the past few weeks, I have been worrying, I have been blaming and outsourcing my responsibility and life sent me an experience. I got ill! Now, I hardly ever get ill because I let out the stress, I find a way to deal with my emotions in a healthy way- I was tired, I was just plain ole tired and I forgot how much power I possess, I forgot about the light that never dims
So I got sick, like struck down in bed kind of thing and my over thinking kicked in, and I felt worse, the what if's came to get me and they got me
What if - no one knew I was ill and I stay here and turn to bones
What if - I starve because I have no food
What if - I get thirsty
What if - I can just stay here
What if - I never have anyone to take care of me when I am ill
Oh my the what if's were tormenting me

And then, the good sense God gave me returned! Accepting responsibility means examining the choices made, and free will means that I can change my mind anytime
It also means take a rest, lay down and rest, the brain is tired 'Put yourself in the centre of your life and accept full responsibility for all things that may be spinning out of control and then move
I'm resting this week, salyed the what if's and taking it easy
Peace