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The Quiet Work of Growth

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  How do we know when a season is full and when a season is empty? Do we need evidence? Do we need applause, validation, or some visible sign that things are moving in the right direction? Or do we simply need to remember that we are part of nature, and that some of the most powerful growth, development, and beauty happen in silence. The womb grows life without an audience. The sun rises without seeking approval. The moon changes shape without asking to be understood. Nature does not rush to prove itself. It simply becomes. Perhaps that is where trust comes in. Trust is not certainty about the outcome. It is not having all the answers or knowing exactly when the breakthrough will arrive. Trust is the willingness to remain receptive without forcing the process into a familiar shape. It is choosing to stay open when there is no visible evidence that anything is changing. I have been wrestling with this lately. Am I in a season of growth? And if I am, why is it taking so long? So much...
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Life Happened, So I Built a Tool Kit

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  A few years ago, I started consciously building a Life Tool Kit. Not the kind that sits in a garage or under a sink. A real-life tool kit. A collection of things I use daily to navigate this experience we call life. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that life is not personal. I learned that the hard way. For a long time, I believed that if I did the right things, everything would run smoothly. Be kind. Work hard. Tell the truth. Treat people well. Surely that would guarantee a life free from too much pain, rejection, loss, betrayal, or disappointment. Turns out, that is not how life works. Growing up, I honestly thought those difficult experiences were reserved for people who had somehow done the "wrong" things. Then life happened. And life became the teacher. I learned that heartbreak does not ask for permission. Loss does not check whether you have been good. Rejection does not measure your worth before it arrives. Disappointment does not discriminate. These ex...
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Moving Beyond the Analysis

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  It's been a while since I've sat down to write. The last  week, I was under the weather with a cold and the inevitable runny nose that always seems to accompany it. What I've noticed about myself over the years is that when I get sick, I don't just deal with the physical symptoms. I also get angry with myself. It's an odd reaction when I think about it. Recently, I came across something actress Sanaa Lathan shared about feelings.  Feeling them. Fighting them. Fixing them. Numbing them. Analyzing them. Sitting with them. And maybe, eventually, letting them go. As I reflected on my own response to getting sick, I realized I tend to get stuck at the analysis stage. Perhaps even over-analysis. I start asking myself questions. What did I do wrong? Was I not getting enough rest?  Didn't I drink enough water? Wasn't I doing all the right things? There is a frustration that comes from feeling as though you're checking all the boxes and yet still finding yourse...
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Heat, Intention, and Holding My Own

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  On Saturday I ran a 5k race. Not my first 5k , but the first time I ever ran one in the full blaze of the afternoon sun. Over 30 degrees. No breeze. No mercy. I usually run early, before the sun wakes up, when the world is still cool and quiet. So when I heard this race was happening during the day, I resisted. For a whole week I told myself, and anyone who asked, “That sun? Not me, papa. I will miss out on this one But something in me shifted. I wanted to do something small that reminded me: I can still do hard things.   Not dramatic things. Not life‑changing things. Just something that nudges me outside the comfort zone and says, “You’re still here. You’re still capable.” So I signed up. And just as I expected, the day was scorching. The kind of heat that makes you question your life choices. When I arrived, everyone else seemed pumped up, excited, ready. I kept looking around thinking, “Are they not feeling this sun? Is it only me?” The race started. I set one intent...
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Allowing the In‑Between

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  Over the past few days, I’ve been struggling with the feeling of being lost . Presently, I’m in between contracts. Waiting on the word to resume work. I paused events for a bit. And suddenly my calendar , usually full, buzzing, purposeful hadd one lonely item on it: boxing . I actually chuckled when I saw it. Because I’ve grown so accustomed to working, doing, moving, producing, showing up, filling every hour with something that looks like progress. And here I was, staring at a day with nothing but gloves and a punching bag. What do I do now? That question surprised me. Not because I didn’t know what to do, but because I didn’t know how to be when there was nothing to do. This break which is partly chosen, partly given, left me feeling unanchored. And instead of rushing to fill the space, I decided to observe myself. What I noticed was… interesting. My conditioning told me that being bored is for kids. That adults should be productive. That maybe I was being lazy. That maybe I...
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September - Fun

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September arrives with a reminder I didn’t know I needed: Fun is not a reward,  it is one of my tools of spiritual practice. For a long time, I carried this quiet belief that joy must be earned. That fun comes after the hard work, after the discipline, after the proving. As if pleasure was something I had to qualify for. As if ease was only allowed once I had done enough. But life has been teaching me differently. Fun is not the opposite of seriousness , it is the companion of creativity. Fun is not a distraction , it is a doorway. Fun is not childish , it is liberating. When I allow myself to laugh loudly, to move freely, to be spontaneous, something shifts inside me. My spirit opens. My mind softens. My heart remembers that I am more than my responsibilities. And in that spaciousness, new ideas arrive. Humility arrives. Courage arrives. The willingness to try again, try differently, try with joy arrives. Fun is spiritual because it brings me back to myself. It reminds me that abu...
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No Feel, No Deal, No Heal

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There’s a question David Hawkins asks in Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender that has been sitting with me lately: Can I feel what I feel without allowing the feeling to control what I do? If you had asked me this last week, I would have said no. Not because I don’t want to grow, but because when I observe myself honestly, I see the patterns. I see the ways I try to escape the intensity of my own emotions. For me, it’s usually one of three things: food, isolation, or doom scrolling.    My holy trinity of avoidance. When a feeling comes up that I don’t want to face, I reach for something , anything , that will distract me from the discomfort.  And I’ve learned something about myself in that cycle: no feel, no deal, no heal. If I don’t allow myself to feel it, I can’t deal with it. And if I don’t deal with it, I definitely can’t heal it. Avoidance has many costumes. Sometimes it looks like depending on something. Sometimes it looks like cutting someone off. Sometimes i...
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