What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

  I   heard Shelly‑Ann Fraser‑Pryce say something on a podcast that resonated with me. She said motivation is fleeting, but standards… standards determine who you are. If your standard is excellence, it will flow through everything you do. It was such a simple sentence, but it rearranged something in me. Because motivation comes and goes. Inspiration rises and falls. But standards , the ones you set for yourself , those are supposed to be the foundation. The way you live. The way you show up. The way you honour your own becoming. I found myself asking, almost quietly: What are my standards?   Not the ones I speak about. The ones I live. How do I spend my mornings? How do I spend my days? What am I doing, consistently, intentionally ,toward the dreams I say matter to me? It made me look at my life with a different kind of honesty. Not harshness. Not judgment. Just clarity. Because standards aren’t about perfection. They’re about alignment. They’re about deciding ...

  This month, I found myself returning to Nathaniel Branden’s work on self‑esteem, not as theory, but as a mirror. His writing reminded me that self‑respect is not a feeling you wait for; it is a practice you build. It is shaped by the choices you make when no one is watching, the boundaries you hold when it would be easier not to, and the truth you speak even when your voice trembles. As I step into August, I am choosing to make self‑respect a daily ritual. Not a lofty ideal, not a performance, but a lived commitment. These four guidelines  distilled from Branden’s teachings and my own lived experience  are the pillars I’m practising this month and beyond.  1. Look inward, not outward.: I am releasing the old habit of measuring myself through someone else’s lens.External validation is a moving target , and chasing it is a guaranteed way to lose myself. My value is inherent. My worth is not up for public negotiation. This month, I am practising trusting the divine gu...

  Inspired by the work of Nathaniel Branden  Nathaniel Branden’s work on self-esteem has always felt like that bell to me, a call to return to myself with honesty and intention. What Branden teaches is simple, but not easy: self-esteem is not a gift. It is a practice. A construction. A foundation we lay brick by brick. And that is what moves me most—this idea that I can build it. I can rebuild it. I can return to the ground of myself and begin again. Self-Esteem as Necessity, Not Luxury Branden argues that self-esteem is not an accessory we wear when life is going well. It is not a luxury reserved for the confident or the accomplished. It is a necessity—the internal architecture that allows us to live expansively, to stretch into our potential without collapsing under the weight of fear or self-doubt. Money can come without self-esteem. Titles can come without self-esteem. Achievements, applause, and possessions can all arrive without it. But keeping them,being comfortable wit...

  This morning the beach reminded me, again, that the world has its own quiet timing. I went for my usual Saturday ritual, drive to the beach, walk the shoreline, watch the fishermen, watch the sunrise.  And then I saw it while close to the end of the shore The Portal as open  Two massive rocks that prematurely ends the shoreline making it almost impossible to cross. Most days the tide is too high, the waves too wild, the space too narrow. Blink and you miss the moment when it opens. Sometimes it doesn’t open at all. But this morning, it did. Walking through the Portal always feels mythical to me. On the other side is a hidden enclave of beach, a small world of its own. So many crabs on the rocks scrurrying around Caves carved by time and tide. As I stepped through, I thought about how life works in the same way. There are portals — moments, opportunities, invitations — that open briefly. Sometimes quietly. Sometimes without announcement. And if we aren’t paying attention...

  There are seasons in life when the lessons I thought I had mastered return with a force that shakes me awake. bell hooks teaches that healing through love is not simply personal work — it is collective liberation, soul-care, a way of making ourselves whole so that our communities can thrive. Her words have been echoing through me this week, asking me to look again at how I embody love, not just speak about it. The questions that keep rising : How do I embody love more fully?. How do I live it in the quiet corners of my life? not only in the spaces where I teach, guide, or lead. To let love shape my choices, my boundaries, my self-talk, my relationships. To let love be the ground I stand on. And yet, life has a way of circling back. Old lessons — especially the ones tied to relationships — have returned with an intensity that made me pause. I found myself wondering: Did I not learn this already? Why is this here again? But as I sat with the discomfort, I realized something essenti...

  I was nominated  to be a part of the project called - Making the Invisible Visible: Black Women 365 Days of the Year — offered me one of those moments. Pleasantly surprised and greatful. The project spearheaded by the Serendipity Institute for Black Arts and Heritage in the United Kingdom, Each day during 2026 a different woman will be showcased, whose story has shaped Black British or global Diasporic history; many of whom remain overlooked or under-celebrated in mainstream narratives I found myself sitting with five simple questions that opened into deeper truths. This is what rose to the surface. Who am I, really? My name is Akosua Dardaine  I help young  women remember themselves — not the version shaped by expectation or survival, but the one rooted in intention, truth, and self‑trust. My work is not a job description; it is a practice. I create and hold spaces where women can slow down enough to hear their own wisdom. Where young women leaving State and Foste...