What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

  Affirmation:  I meet myself honestly, and I meet others with discernment. I wondered today… do people really know me? And more importantly, do they even know what they’re asking when they ask, “How are you?” I paid attention to my responses to the first three people who asked me that question this morning—three people who, in different ways, are “about me.” My answers were one‑word offerings: fine, good, grateful, fabulous… and then I kept it moving. Because for me, that’s the required answer. That’s the social contract. That’s the script. But are they really asking how I am? Or are we all just participating in a ritual of politeness? And yet—here’s the flip side—it might actually be a valid question. They may genuinely want to know. They may be opening a door. This is where discernment comes in. This is where you pause, go inward, and check: • How am I really feeling? • Am I safe enough to share? • Am I willing to reveal my true Self in this moment? These last few day...

Affirmation: I release comparison, doubt, and the need for proof. There is a way of living that I am choosing — not someday, not when everything lines up, not when the world decides to clap for me — but now. Today. A way of living rooted in what I believe is possible, not just what I can see in front of me. Because the truth is, I forget. I forget that I am someone who has walked through the “cannot,” the “will not,” the “not yet,” and still found a way. That this is my DNA As a descendant of those who came through the Door of No Return, and returned. As a Merikin descendant, as the grand daughter of Sheila Gomez Sandy who all found a way. It is undeniable.  I forget that hope is not naïve — it is strategy. I forget that faith is not a feeling — it is a tool. And when I forget, I get pulled into that old trap: waiting for proof, waiting for validation, waiting to be chosen. Scrolling and comparing until my spirit starts whispering, “Why not me? Why isn’t it happening yet?”  It...

  Affirmation:  I am ready, willing, and worthy of every yes—and strong enough for every no.  I release the fear of rejection and welcome the freedom that comes with asking. March is calling me forward. Calling for calculated risks, for less shrinking and more growing, for fewer excuses and more learning from doing, for less trying and more doing. It feels like a month that wants movement—inner and outer. A month that wants me to stretch. People often tell me I’m brave. They see me traveling the world solo, hiking alone, wandering into new places , with my curiosity, and my sense of direction that is sometimes spiritual more than geographical. They see courage in that. But that kind of courage has always come easily to me. I grew up as an only child with an imaginary friend, so solitude never felt like a threat. It felt like home. Adventure felt like a companion. Being on my own felt like a natural state of being. Where courage becomes complicated is in the places where I...

Self‑honesty is not for punks. It is a spiritual discipline, a muscle, a mirror, and a medicine. It is also one of the most essential qualities for living an authentic life. Iyanla Vanzant calls self‑honesty “the sacred courage to witness and tell the truth to oneself without distortion, denial, or shame.” That line has been sitting with me. Because the truth is: I have had many moments where I wanted something to be other than what it was. My friend has a saying: “If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, as much as you want it to be a swan… it is a duck.” And whew, have I tried to convince myself otherwise. I have projected my hopes, my fears, my insecurities, my longing onto situations because I wasn’t ready to be honest with myself. And when I do that, I cannot make decisions that honour me, support me, or enrich my life. Distortion is expensive. Self‑honesty requires compassion, clarity, and courage. Compassion to hold myself gently. Clarity to see what is actually in front ...

One of the most revealing lessons I’ve learned — across intimate relationships, friendships, and even work — is this: you cannot love someone into wanting to grow, change, or show up in the ways you hope they will. Believe me, I tried. I made it a mission, a calling almost. If I just loved harder, showed up more, held space longer, maybe they would meet me where I stood. Maybe they would rise. Maybe they would choose themselves. Maybe they would choose us. But that path is a slow erosion. A quiet draining. A complete waste of time and energy in the end. And not because people are bad or unworthy. Often, they are carrying things you cannot see and cannot fix — emotional weight, mental battles, old wounds, patterns that predate you. Sometimes it’s emotional immaturity. Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes it’s simply a lack of willingness or readiness. And sometimes, the lesson is yours: letting go, surrender, boundaries, and the release of guilt. What I’ve come to understand is this: When yo...

  One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was this: “Even when a situation feels out of your control, it doesn’t mean that it is out of control.” For a long time, I didn’t understand that. I equated me being in control with me being safe. Control became my shield, my strategy, my habit. And like all habits—especially the ones that feel familiar—it became comfortable, even when it wasn’t serving me. What I’ve learned is that control is often an illusion. The real challenge isn’t the situation itself; it’s the moment when I am safe but my mind insists that I’m not. That’s when I make decisions that don’t serve me or anyone else. That’s when I react instead of respond. That’s when I try to win, prove, shrink, judge, or force an outcome. So I’ve been learning to find the balance. Lately, I’ve started asking myself a simple set of questions: • Am I safe? • Am I present? • Am I making this decision from the moment I’m in—or from fear, ego, habit, or old stories? With pract...