Showing posts from March, 2013

Anger - On the house!

If you want to live in the light you have to call things out of the darkness by their real name.  (Hot white truth, author)

So I had a penny dropping moment yesterday! Anger is ok, as it is, a feeling, what gets tricky is how you chanell it and express it! Well golly! I always always thought that being angry is a last resort, a no no, stay away from it at all costs!!! not the ideal spiritual response!

But now I know better! Yes, you create your reality, yes you do not have to go down the victim route, yes to forgive is freeing I still maintain all of this 100% but here's what I learnt, making excuses for other people's behaviour or conduct can make you a victim and invalidate your own pain!

So what did I learn today?
Anger - feel it without judgment, sit with it for a moment, deal with it and let it go! You gotta air it out!
The thing is you got to let it go so you can grow, you got to let it go, just breathe!

Let joy be your default!

Spend this day living and being, loving, learning, caring and giving. You are alive, aware, and blessed with a world of possibilities, so act like it. Let joy be your default setting. (Ralph Marston, motivational speaker)
Today is a holiday in Uganda, I am at the flat chilling, tomorrow is a work day, after work though I will be off to Mt. Eligon. This is on the border of Uganda and Kenya with some of the best caves and volcanoes in the country and even the continent. There is also a three storey waterfall which I am looking forward to seeing!
I am driving, yes me!! I will be driving six hours, I will be ready! No speeding off and all that jazz!!
Will let you know how it goes!
So what did I learn today?
Just know that your life is good with a Capital G, and act like you know!

Choices and choosing

Lean in. Listen up. Closely.
It’s your soul speaking and she says,
Get UP! I need you. I want you. I am you. Choose me.
Lean in. Listen up. Closely.Decide to rise

Why did you decide to come? Couldn’t you have chosen another path, another journey?
That got me thinking. I started to think about purpose and freedom and living to the fullest! Why do you do some of the things that you do? Why did you choose that career, that house, that car, that life partner? Or sometimes more importantly why do you stay with the house, life partner, and job? Do you do it out of obligation, fear, love, fulfilling the status quo, fulfilling your dreams?
Choose not out of obligation and fear of the consequences. Choose not out of what your parents will think and say. Choose not out of what the neighbours will think. Choose not because you feel it will make you better than your peers, make you stronger somehow, tougher. Choose out of love, out of delight, out of joy, out of freedom, out of the feeling that you…

Adventure on the Road!

Listen--are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?” (Mary Oliver, poet)
I must have mentioned before that driving in Uganda is an adventure! Ok if I didn’t let me say again, it’s an adventure, no rules, each man for himself and then there’s the police who add to the mix as they stop you sometimes if they see you sneeze loudly whilst driving! (I’m exaggerating but you get my point?)
Well this week the adventure meter went off the scale! Get in the car with her, I am not driving, as usual, driving in the organised chaos of find a space and get to where you need to get! The police come out and motions for the car to stop, but wait, she’s not stopping; I feel the car go into a different level of speed! Wait a hot minute; this woman is driving away from the police at full speed. Well I have now seen it all!
I’m talking to myself now.What’s the lesson here, what is it!!? I remain quiet, is this really happening, maybe I am asleep. I look back and see the police cussing. She now s…

Called out on my stuff!

In the face of arrogance or bravado, hold gently that still, small piece that says “I’m not enough.”In the face of judgement or comparisons, step into the opportunity the world has just provided you for practicing love and acceptance.In the face of ferocious hatred, believe in the possibility that there exists the potential for equally as big, intense, lovely and fiery ferocious love. (Kate Swoboda life coach, writer, speaker)
Have you ever had one of those conversations with a friend and they say something to you and it hit you straight between the eyes, because you know it is true and they are right! They basically called you out on your stuff! How do you react when that happens? I have learnt that when you own your stuff and take responsibility for your actions, you listen. You take the information in and use it as a healing tool. When you are not so evolved, when you are not ready to own your stuff you get offended, you may even retaliate in a “ who does she think she is?” sort of…

How do you take responsibility for yourself?

The elders call it so well that I have to sit up and pay attention. So the discussion came around somehow about how one takes responsibility for themselves and I was asked well how do you take responsibility for yourself? I said ok anothertrick question where I might have to go away and think about it or maybe I just give a “funny answer so she can get straight to the point” Ok, truth be told that day I was self conscious big time! Woke up early and getting ready to head to base, I said- cool cup of tea, iron my clothes and movements. Lo and behold, electricity decides to go! Normal every day thing thing eh! I silently curse because I have nothing ironed, I should know better right? When there is power get these things in place! Anyways I roll in looking like a ramfle diva! So yes a question about how do I take responsibility for myself went straight to my head! So by now I should also know no one cares about these things most of the time, she asked me you got an answer yet Nyabo?

Only a masterly call......

This force, which is the best thing in you, your highest self, will never respond to any ordinary half-hearted call, or any milk-and-water endeavor. It can only be reached by your supremest call, your supremest effort. It will respond only to the call that is backed up by the whole of you, not part of you; you must be all there in what you are trying to do. You must bring every particle of your energy, unanswerable resolution, your best efforts, your persistent industry to your task or the best will not come out of you. You must back up your ambition by your whole nature, by unbounded enthusiasm and a determination to win which knows no failure… Only a masterly call, a masterly will, a supreme effort, intense and persistent application, can unlock the door to your inner treasure and release your highest powers.” - Orison Swett Marden, was an American writer associated with the New Thought Movement.
Boxing training began today. Opio put me through my paces (he looks like a short Massai …

Show up. Shine. Let it go!

I accept my calling: to show up and shine. Unfurled and honest. Determined to be only that which I am. (Unknown)
I woke up late, got upset with myself for missing the time to wake up and run whilst enjoying the awesome African sunrise, where the entire sky is yellow, it covers the area and ushers in the sun so beautifully I am always in awe of it every single time! Anyways, opportunity missed and I am now talking to myself and getting to a point of forgiving myself for missing the running for yet another morning. I decide to get a cup of tea and go through my morning ritual of reading something positive and uplifting to start the day, choose my clothes and get ready for the base. Just as I step into the kitchen the power goes! I silently curse! Then I started talking to myself again! Self, when you argue with reality you suffer, accept it and move on! Ok then, does accepting it mean you must like it? No, accepting it means that you acknowledge it and deal with it positively. Ok then, a…

Changes and People

“People change all the time and forget to tell each other.” Lillian Gershwin
Yesterday the penny dropped! I have been having a conversation with a friend for the past few months. And when I think about it is was the same conversation, just in different ways! After each conversation I would be thinking to myself, hmm I just don’t get it; I don’t understand that logic whatsoever, I mean how can they not see my view? It is in their best interest to do what I say! Then it hit me, whadappp!!!
Why focus on trying to make someone to be different? According to Danielle LaPorte “If you take the desire for someone to be different out of the equation – you can meet them where they are” and that is so true, you can meet them in the real moment. You can meet them in their despair or their magnificence.

And when you truly meet them, with no wishing for something different to wedge you apart, you’ll know what to do. You will have the compassion to be calming, the humility to be reverent, or the wisdom…

Suga is back!

right now:Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.(Danielle La Porte author)

I may have mentioned before that while I stayed in Manchester I did boxing training and did some boxing on the weekends (they call me Suga!!)

So when I got to Uganda I was on the lookout for a boxing gym to get Suga back on track! I asked around and everyone told me “Madam, no, just NO!” ok then! So I continued my early morning runs and that was that and put the whole boxing thing to bed. A couple of Friday’s I was minding my own business at the Women’s Day Celebration and was introduced to Opio, the best female boxing trainer around these parts! Oh wow!!! The Universe is soooooo awesome! So we spoke and he started giving me a training regime, I said whoa Opio-Opie baby I just want to have fun, the Las Vegas gig will have to wait! He says madam, raise the bar!!! He told me how much the tra…

Road Trip News

right now: Someone is fighting the fight so that you don’t have to. (Danielle La Porte, author)

Update on road trip, I got lost yesterday! I kept asking myself what’s the lesson here? I said “self, do not for any reason slip into a state of panic” So here’s the story it is night time, raining and there are no street lights in most places! There is a lot of “jam” because of the combination of police and rain and I am lost!!

I decided to find a petrol station, I get into the station, asks how do I get to Lugogo? Madam just drive there and he points ahead. There is where exactly? Left? Yes madam, or right? Yes madam! Hmm not the answer I expected. I politely thanked the young man and started driving back to where I came from. Then I decided let me call Charles, who usually accompanies me on these trips. I call him, “I’m lost!” Where are you? “If I knew I would say!” he said get to a petrol station and ask! Hmm did that, try another one then. Ok

I found another petrol station- how do I get t…

Safely in Masindi

Do you continue to carry those thoughts and feelings that haunt your development? This is a time of choice, This is a time of alignment and assignment of future perspectives. Start as you mean to go on. And remember that you chose, what to keep and what to put down. Remember, for this is a year of responsibility. This is a year of ownership. This is a year of acceptance, for this year will not be controlled. This year will make many things manifest for all. A year of harvest.
Which seeds have you sown? (Natalie Stewart, my favourite poet) I set off for Masindi yesterday, its a pretty long drive, at least four hours one way without "jam" , that's what they call traffic here! Driving along well and at about the third hour, the police stopped me! I just saw about five big looking fellas when I pulled over, the police man came over to the car, if you see the handsome guy?? I was like whoaaaa! Almost speechless. Dark and lovely! He said "Madam where are you coming from?&qu…

That leaves no other time

There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony. There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time." - Coco Chanel
Today I am off to Masindi, that is in the South West of the county, it is a long drive from Kampala. I am going to meet some of the staff that are based out there, the Company has a production facility in Masindi that is reponsible for the maize seeds. This will be the first time that I do this trip solo! I am excited yet apprehensive, ok maybe I am a little scared! But I am using the fear as a driving force rather than one that will hold me back! The task is simple in my mind but what happens is that I start thinking wow what if I am not good enough? what if they don't understand what I am saying? what if what if what if!!! Waste of good time and head space!!!

So what did I learn today?

Show up like if you own the place! In the most humble way and with love!

Will let you know how it goes!

Communication ends separation

Communication ends separation. Attack promotes it. A( Course in Miracles ACIM) Yesterday they asked me to give one of the ladies a ride, she hopped in the car I said hello. No response! Hmm, I asked where are you stopping off? No answer. Hmmm I thought ok let me start over, where am I taking you? Still no answer! Ok, maybe she was asleep as she was in the back of the car. I looked in the rear view mirroe, nope, wide awake! I said Hi, she responded, madam no English! Ok then! I'm thinking how do we do this? Some how in between broken English and my ten Luganda words I was able to take her where she was going! Funny how we can communicate without talking! Makes me further believe that there is only an Illusion of Separation!! Peace!!

Be grateful for the opportunity to live life purposefully

Be thankful of the wonderful gift of being able to serve humanity, your plant, you God. Be grateful for the opportunity to live your life purposefully in tune with the will of the Source of All. That’s a lot to be grateful for. Wayne Dyer author
I have now developed a ritual that I give thanks daily! I have started a gratitude journal where I record everything that I am grateful for, I have been disciplined in keeping this up more now so that I am here in Uganda. The feeling when I get when I am done is awesome! My heart overflows,I feel such a privilege to have an opportunity to be alive and learning, to have family and friends who care and support me and to just an all round joy that makes me feel really good despite all the outer circumstances that occur on a daily basis.
Even though I hear the stories and sometimes see the scenes up North, I am still blown away by them sometimes. Yesterday was one of those days. Having an arbitrary conversation about the gender roles and one of the …

Learn to JUST BE

The goodness in your life does not come to you from someone else. When you see this you will be free. There is no reason and no need to play up to another to remain in their good graces. Remain in your own by not betraying yourself. Simply speak your truth with gentleness and love and have courage for what you seek is not outside of you. It is yours to give, not to acquire. Let no one therefore hold you hostage. Neal DonaldWalsh, author

So I came here for a job, to work, to complete a specific task! It turns out that my job has become a transformational journey, a message a day, a spiritual awakening I would say! And the lessons continue right on cue! Talking about money today brought up such an interesting lesson which I thought was so fitting for me right now I just had to give the intelligent response of OK!

When you realise that you are not your own source nor the source of anyone else you will not stress so much, anxiety will not grip you in the throat you will be more at ease, y…

Trust your instincts, let go and let's go!

LET GO...or be dragged!! Decide to release the hold on what you've been hanging on to that has kept you stuck, frozen, ashamed, or indecisive. Let go of the clutter in your life, and decide not to do harm to yourself in your own mind. Allow yourself permission to release any memories of experiences that keep you from creating your GREATEST life. (Les Brown, motivational speaker)We were discussing an option here of growing the operation. What it would take and she said it may take me letting go of very many things here and she called them out! My face told the story. I was thinking wow let go of those things? She asked me what was I thinking? I said hmm that’s a bit risky isn’t it? Yes it is but its more risky to hold on to it and have it weigh you down, we can always rebuild, I know that for a fact, don’t ever be afraid to let go, believe in yourself and trust your instincts so let’s go and let go! We laughed! I left the room and I was thinking that the Universe is so awesome I need…

Just BE!!!

Beneath every addiction is the perception that power is external, as the ability to control and use the environment and others. Beneath every addition is the issue of power. Your addiction may be food, drugs, anger, sex, cigarettes – (Gary Zukav, the Seat of the Soul)
She asked me where do you think your power comes from.I said well what kind of power you talking bout?? She said, we had a similar conversation before, do you remember? You think you have chase power, you been taught that your power comes from things, stuff, position, it’s something you have to get, so you hunt for it, chase it, look for it, some of you even marry it because you feel any association with it, that you become it. Then when you “get it” you still keep searching, still yearning to be powerful! My dear, you can be given authority, privilege, entitlement and all that but you will not experience it as power until you let it come from within YOU. Power is internal! Do you not tell me that those ladies up North as…

Directly from me to you!!!

Lives fall apart when they need to be rebuilt. Lives fall apart when the foundation upon which they were built needs to be re-laid. Lives fall apart, not because God is punishing us for what we have not done. Lives fall apart because they need to. They need to because they weren’t built the right way in the first place. A broken life is a test of faith of the highest order. The good news is that when you have something to do, life will not allow you to move forward until you do it. The bad news is the same (Iyanla Vanzant,author and spiritual coach)
This morning I got up and I realized, no no wrong word, I accepted certain facts that I have been denying for a while. I have to start over not only physically but mentally. Part of the reason of my being here in Africa is starting over and learning lessons. So the story is, by all “worldly” standards, I had made it. I was living the life! I had a nice big house on a hill, literally! I was driving a new car, a really nice one at one time, t…

Let me walk the talk!

The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."- Thomas Merton, 20th Century Catholic writer.
On the base there’s quite a few people who keep the operation running smoothly, awesome women and men who contribute to the vision!Some of the women here work long hours and gothe extra mile. If they were in any Western organisation they would be leaders raking in the big bucks, but they just get on with it despite the odds. Over the past couple of weeks a number of complaints have been raised about one of these ladies. Every day something seems to be surfacing. Ok so now, I had the opportunity to be part of a situation. Everything in my flat was cut off, electricity, cable tv, whatever, you know it and there was also no petrol in my car either. So my initial reaction – “ How on heaven’s earth did this happen, is it so difficult to get this right?” Hmm so…

Be willing to show the world who you are!

If you are going to be courageous, an example for all those who are ready to step into their power, then you must be willing to show the world all of who you are. You must have the guts to throw off the chains of modesty and mediocrity in order to be the light that the world needs. (Debbie Ford, RIP, Debbie, you were indeed one of my favourite teachers on this journey!)
I was on Facebook yesterday and I saw a status that spoke volumes to me for some reason it just stood out in my mind all day, simple one liner “this little light of mine.....”It brought me back to one of the first lessons that I learnt when arriving in Uganda, when I was asked why do I play small, why do I dim my own light. I have never thought of it that way, me playing small and dimming my own light but part of being unconscious is ignorance! Coupled with that status being at the International Women’s event yesterday it hit me that we all have to shine our lights for the world to shine bright! Being authentic is part …

Fearless Women

Real and fearless women stand up and use their voices for things other than self promotion- (Gabrielle Union actress)

This morning I woke up, no water on the compound! I ran downstairs, they didn't have any either, ok then, Few minutes later the electricity decided to follow the water, I said to myself, well well what is really going on! I decided to check my messages, I was supposed to get an answer for an opportunity to finish my Phd with a woman supervisor who is well known in the field, I checked it and the answer was  a big fat NO! I was also hoping a friend of mine contacted me after we had a conversation yesterday, he didn't! So I checked in to the pity party!! Then I remembered I have to attend this International Women's Day celebration! well that certainly put every bloody thing into perspective

In steps Juliet – The Survivor, 23, Juliet is a former abducted girl from Pader District, northern Uganda. She spent about seven years in the bush after being kidnapped by…

Die to your attachements!

Let go of the things you fear to lose. Die to your attachments.
Free yourself from everything you think you are and embrace the truth that you are abundant, eternal, fearless and worthy being loved."
(Jackson Kiddard author )
Over the past year or two I have found myself “holding on” to “things” like almost obsessively and the more I held on the more it seems I was stressed or in grief or the more it seems to slip from me. Now, for those who have been with me on the journey up to now, know that I believe that when the student is ready the teacher will appear and there will be a situation to provide me with a lesson about my particular situation. So right on cue I am having a conversation, and I said, hmm I would need a miracle to keep my lifestyle given the choice I made to be travelling all over the world doing this work. “why would you say something like that madam?” Do you know that every single thing that you need you have at this very moment? Do you know that the things tha…