Showing posts from May, 2016

Use the fire

We now live in a society where we are encouraged to make feelings that make us feel uncomfortable go away. We do this by jumping on our phone, using social media, eating, drinking, taking medication, accepting situations or people in our life that we know aren't right but bring certainty with them and, as a result remove our doubts and fears.  Jasmine Skee I have too much stress- a very common statement!  I say now I have ,too much fire, too much inner heat that manifests itself in  what we call stress too much inner creativity that you are not using! you haven't given birth to the thing inside you that needs to come out- due to fear mainly!  you haven't participated in a ritual that you need to do to make you feel valued and the fire starts burning in you, it spreads  and you become "stressed" status quo, fear, living unconsciously, inauthenticity stops us in our tracks in using the fire to create, to burn. the fire rages on, it burns right through you instead of for yo…

Honor Yourself

Thou shalt honor thyself enough not to take things that do not belong to you, and this includes other people's people - Iyanla Vanzant

One of the most challenging lessons I have learnt is the honoring of myself. Why? Because for one thing I firmly believed that I was a good person, doing good things and living a good life and then I realized that being a good person had absolutely nothing to do with how I honored myself or if indeed I honored myself. Being a good person was a social construct based on my upbringing of respecting my elders, paying my dues, working hard - nothing to do with me and how I showed up for me and in the world. It was hard at first to swallow that honoring myself was steeped in the fact that I had to be radically honest in all situations and take responsibility for every single thing that was happening in my life down to even my health.
Honoring myself involved taking responsibility for my own life and how I live - all.the.time!
Honoring myself involved ke…

Stop Doubting

If you're doing the right thing. You are.If you're lost. You're not.If you're enough. You are.If it will work out. Somehow, it always does.If you're too much. Never. Moving on.If they like you. Like yourself and they will. If you made the right decision. All wrong ones lead us to the right ones. So, yes.If you look big in that dress. Couldn't matter less.You're beautiful.If you're standing out like a sore thumb. Hopefully. No one needs another them. If you're being too emotional. Emotions are good. Roll with them.If you're overthinking it. Maybe. But you had to do it to know.If you'll make an ass out of yourself. Nope. Not your style.If you'll fail big time. Maybe. But you'll get back up. If they'll tell you no. If so, you'll be on step closer to a wild yes.If you're saying the right things. Breathe and say them. The right words will come when you relax.If you'll ever hear from them again. If not, their loss.If it'…

Focus on you

Consumed by what others are doing, some have forgotten to count their own successes and improve themselves Ijeoma

Focus on yourself. Focus on you being you and following your passion and heart's desire

When I was growing up, I had a ritual with my granma when I was about 7 years old. I would wait until she got home from work, we would make tea and sit on her bed and she would ask me how was my day at school, we would talk while we sip tea. I would look forward to it, I felt so grown sipping tea and chatting in her bedroom which was usually off limits.

And I would tell her about my friends who did this, and how their parents came to pick them up and they did better than me in the spelling and how I felt so hurt and sad that I was not first in the class or first to get picked up after school by a family
She would say to me and I am almost sure it was daily now in reflecting
You focus on you
You do better than you did yesterday and then the next day do better than that
You spend time…

All books sold

I am dripping with gratitude
There is not one book left in the country, its sold out y'all! Now I was told that its all about taking orders, name on list and all!! What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love is officially sold out in Trinidad and Tobago! 
Times in my life I could have given up. I chose not to. I have known pain that will kill people, but so have you. So have you. Keep going.
Let us start again, this time with enough freedom & self-love. This time with enough patience, this time with enough kindness. you. & give thanks

Indicators of when it is not working

Indicators of when it simply is not working: You use “it sucks” in a sentence to describe any aspect of your situation.You “drag your ass” to it.Sunday night anxiety (dreading Monday.)Dismal sales (yes, the universe speaks to us through cash flow.)The bleak absence of synchronicity.Not a whole lot of thanks coming your way.Danielle La Porte

OMG! relief when I can just admit it, and the thing what I have learnt  is that admitting when things are not working does not equate with me fixing it immediately! Nope! And that was my fear, if I admit that it doesn't work I would have to fix it and I may have doubts if I can indeed fix it,as well as admit to myself that I messed up- that's a nope as well
Admitting it means I can make another choice and recognizing the lessons.
I don't have to fix it right away either, hell I may not even know how to fix it (times like these repeat episodes of Iyanla Fix My Life come in handy!) 
Sometimes there is nothing to fix just an acknowled…

Building prisons in your mind

If you build a prison in your mind and then hold yourself hostage, please do not blame anyone. Do not blame anyone but yourself. Ijeoma

I have learnt that whatever you attach to your I am that is what you become. Simple
I heard that message being taught even by religious leaders. What does that mean?
I am sick
I am fed-up
I am happy
I am positive
You become whatever you attach your I am to
And this is not to deny how you feel, if you are ill you are ill. The challenge begins when we start giving labels to things that we have no business doing or giving credence to
Listen to yourself
What do you attach to yourself that you inherited, gave no though to and just ran with it, unconsciously
What do you attach to yourself because you have given up  taking responsibility for honoring yourself, acknowledging the truth 
I listen in awe when people start labeling themselves with diseases and ailments - with absolutely no evidence 
I listen in awe when people make excuses for bad behaviour 
I listen when peop…


“grieve. so that you can be free to feel something else.”― Nayyirah Waheed

One of my favorite lessons is  "feel my feelings." Feel them. When you bury them alive they don't die.
You bury them and they fester, they manifest in dis-ease, in anger, in fear, in lashing out and poor decisions. Feel them and let them go.
I was taught to suck it up, to be strong, to have on big girl panties. And I know this was taught to me by my grandma because she had to do that to survive, showing feelings in her day was a sign of weakness which would result in a beating, a whipping or some sort of punishment

I resisted this lesson for a very long time. Feel the feelings? Are you kidding me? I will not be able to function, I will just fix and put them aside.
And so my approach was to forget it, put it out of my mind and fix it.
Until the proverbial shit hit the fan.
Then I realized that I could not fix everything and in particular there was nothing "wrong" with me that needed fixin…

Expect the unexpected

change can be tough. As humans we are attached to things being our way — even the small things. Dr Christiane Northrup

I found myself saying this statement many times over the past few months " I don't like fuss, I really don't" and in paying attention I learnt that the more I talk about fuss - which I lump into unnecessary worry and movements to achieve and get to a goal or achieve a task, looking to control a situation unnecessarily and stressing out people with this perception of control. Newsflash- life is easier when you accept that there are things that will happen that you have no control over and it will not affect your efficiency, your worth, your inner self. Like for example - if people who signed up to attend a workshop do not come or call - nothing to do with you, who ever is present is supposed to be there So yes, the more I talk about not liking fuss, I find myself more and more in a fuss fest. And here is the lesson- talk about what you want, affirm i…

Nothing gives meaning to what is nothing

Nothing gives meaning where no meaning is. And truth needs no defense to make it true. ACIM
This is one of my favourite lessons in the Course- truth needs no defense, whatsoever! whether we believe it or not, it is the truth, whether we make excuses or not, it remains true and added to that is when we know the truth, make excuses and attach meaning to something - nothing gives meaning where no meaning is. And so, I am reminded of this so many times it actually assists me when I am making decisions, when I am being defensive and denying the truth that is so evident.
Yesterday I had the privilege to share lessons on the journey to 40 other Charities, civil society organisations and people working to make the world better than they found it. I remembered "nothing gives meaning where no meaning is" when the point was raised that the world is in such a horrible state? Is that really true? Is it true that we are doomed? nothing can give meaning to that, at least for me. So the d…

Courage is a habit

Everything I know about courage, I learned from completely messing up my life. (And, upon realizing I’d messed up something, deciding to learn from that).
Courage isn’t something you’re born with; it’s a habit. It’s a practice that you create and cultivate over time.

Again: everything I know about courage, I learned from completely messing up my life. Kate Courageous
Today I facilitate the JB Fernandes Memorial Trust Grantee Consultation at the Hyatt Hotel from 7am, I am really grateful to be in a room with people who are doing their best to make this planet a place to live, work and be proud of, who have made their work a Ministry and is courageous enough to go to a place of uncertainty on a daily basis  Giving thanks Holla at ya on the other side  Peace

Different view

Above all else, I want to see this differently- ACIM

My prayer and my affirmation almost on a daily basis! Above everything else, let me see this situation differently
Let me be willing to see the world with all it's injustices differently
Let me be willing to see my decisions and choices differently
Let me be willing to see my challenges differently
Let me be willing to see the people I care about making, in my opinion, self destructive choices differently knowing that it is not my business or my journey
Let me be willing to see my financial situation differently
Let me be willing to see my perception of success and failure differently
Let me be willing to see people who piss me off differently
Let me be willing to see rejection differently
And when I see it differently I make another choice
I remember that I can always always always choose again because we have the gift of free will

if my words inspire you, support me and purchase your copy of my books, from my website(akos…

Are you a settler?

It takes more than diamonds to woo meIt takes more than money to move me
It takes more than material things
It takes more than cars to get me where I need to go
Don't stop the flow - Jill Scott

Someone asked me today about advice about men. Well I must admit that I was stumped by the question. I joked "Hey, maybe you didn't notice that I am manless" We had a hearty laugh
and then the silence that followed when you know you just devalued your own self and the other person agreed and felt awkward!

We started discussing settling and why we settle, all sorts of reasons came up, not being lonely, age, society, mistaking "it" for love, parent's pressure, rituals, society, time running out yadda yadda yadda
And then the silence came again
OMG!! we really do that to ourselves? We settle!!! Bam- hit us straight to the face
We settle when there is no self love - plain and simple
Make excuses
Accept bad behavior
Accept lies

We settle when we start a relationship as a cru…

None of my business

So I Idren, I-sistren,
The preaching and talkin' is done;
We've gotta live up, wo now, wo now! -
'Cause the Father's time has come.
Some people put the best outside;
Some people keep the best inside;
Some people can't stand up strong;
Some people won't wait for long. Bob Marley, Survival

Yesterday I was reading A Course in Miracles with one of my  very good buddies and there were so many penny dropping moments for me with particular reference to judging people and being judged.
I am super scared of being judged, and the very same thing that I am terrified of, I do! Who knew????
My biggest fear over the past few months comes from being judged as not only being incapable but also being different. I have been struggling with it from the get go, having been pulled into an entirely new environment. And as part of that I have rushed to judge others.
Am I worthy?
Am I doing what I am supposed to do?
Am I looking the way I am supposed to look?
Am I supposed to stay quiet?
And it goes…

Speak from a place of love

People will hear you from the place you speak from - ACIM

I was watching Oprah give a talk, and she said before she interviews anyone she asks them "What is your intention, what do you hope to achieve from this interview, what message do you want to get across?" And then she tells them what her intention is - bringing clarity before beginning and from an honest place.
How many times we go in to a situation unclear, hidden agendas and then get disappointed when our expectations are not met? If people think or believe you have hidden agendas or are being even a tad bit inauthentic then guess what? chances are they will respond in that way.

If we speak from a place of judgement, the other party will pick up on it
If we speak from a place of love, the other party feels it
So I asked myself, where do I speak from and what is my intention?
It's two quite powerful questions which can serve as a guide to me on this journey

Courage over comfort
As Don Miguel Ruiz says - have the …

Life is the best gig around.

Life is the best gig around. Even the sucky days have something to offer us. It’s natural to sink into the mud of our mortal humanness from time to time, but think of it this way—all rich dirt creates new life. You just might not see it right away. - Kris Carr

I love the excitement of facing a new day, as much as I plan what I want to do, you know what they say about the best laid plans? Every day to me is an adventure, I know life is delighted to bring me the unexpected. How boring would it be if I knew everything that was going to happen. 
Life - life happens, no matter what we do, the cycles of life go around and around, I reminded myself of that today - it's just life chic! Don't get to wrapped up in the analytics- do your best, live your truth and love yourself

It is so easy for me to get caught up in what is not happening and what is taking too long- I am looking to secure a sponsor for my upcoming NYC book tour, this means me being ready and willing to hear NO!
Rejection- h…

You ALONE decide your value

To truly be free, we must choose beyond simply surviving adversity, we must dare to create lives of sustained optimal well-being and joy. Bell Hooks

There's no one else that gets to determine what you allow into your life other than you. You always have a choice for how high your bar is. So, take responsibility for your own greatness and aim really effing high.

Your value (of yourself) is literally all that matters. It's the one thing that no one gets to decide for you, ever. 

Not ever. No matter how they talk to you. No matter how they pay you. No matter what they think of you. No matter if you’re hired. No matter if you’re fired. If you’re dumped or have a line of suitors. Whether the trolls think you’re ugly and dumb. Or the drunk dude squeezed your ass in a bar. If they think you’re writing is shitty. Or if they all left you out of the big plans. If he thinks you’re too much. If your family is shunning you for forgetting where you came from. If you got the 17th rejection lett…

As within so without

Your inside is a reflection of your outside. Your inner world is a reflection of your outer world.
Your outer world and the things you create into your reality is a mirror of what you believe and have created inside of you. The Law of As within so without
Truth - it's real, the truth just is and we cannot make untruth true, no matter what we do, we can deny it, ignore it, work around it - truth cannot be changed or untrue's become truth It sometimes is a bitter pill to swallow. Bitter medicine many times work to cure the ailments Change your mind, change your life - that's a truth
I have been resisting, I have been holding on to thoughts of fear and it is manifesting itself in my life. I really have been asking the Universe to guide me on how to change my thoughts I started saying an affirmation "Changing my thoughts are easy and comfortable" it has become a mantra, I speak it into being and what I have learnt is that when I change the way I see things, the situat…

Live with the consequences

Responsibility is not about whether you like what you have to do. Liking has nothing to do with the choice of responsible action Carolyn Myss

Some things that I know, I really know, are in my best interest to do sucks! It really sucks but the choice to do it is a responsible one, it allows growth and clarity.
How many times have you been in a position that you just know what you have to do, you know what the responsible choice is, and you fail to take that door because of discomfort, shame, guilt, and plain ole' laziness?
I have done this many times, from eating habits, to relationships and as much as the choice at the time is comfortable the consequences are many times long term and dire.
Courage over comfort as Brene Browne says, head into the storm like a buffalo who when they se a storm coming runs through it until they believe they are on the other side
As soon as we make the "comfortable" choice the blame game starts, the justification lines start pouring out of ou…

Who do you want to become?

I think as women, as women of color, as black women, too often we hear about what we "need to do." How we need to behave, what we need to wear, what's deemed as too much or not enough, the cultural politics of what society considers appropriate for us and for our lives. What I am learning is that the most important questions you can ask yourself are "What do I want?" and "Who do I want to become?"Lupita Nyongo

In order to achieve your vision, you must ask yourself, who am I willing to become? Chances are your vision is big, it's huge, it is different to where you are. Many times the comfort keeps us stuck, discomfort is not encouraged.
Who are you willing to become in the pursuit of your vision? What are you willing to gain, what are you wiling to give and more importantly what are you willing to give up?
I want to become fit and healthy, in order to do that I must be willing to give the time to exercise, I must be willing to give up the daily cho…

Changing my mind

Sometimes you just have to let everything fall apart Pema Chodron

So I admit I am a recovering fixer, I would jump in and fix it, any thing that seemed to be going astray, off plan, off course in my made up world of perfection I would be on it in a flash
There was not supposed to be any problems around me, absolutely none! It was what I believed I had to do to keep my life "together".
I thought I was doing well, until I couldn't fix something, then I thought "oh my, I am failing at this thing called life"
I wasn't.
So after much internal struggle I said one day - let me see what will happen if I do not run in like Wonder Woman and fix this

Usually we feel that there's a large problem and we have to fix it.
The instruction is to stop
Do something unfamiliar
Do anything besides rushing off in the same old direction, up to the same old tricks

I learnt that changing my mind, changes my situation

Where Humility and Appreciation are discovered

We all must experience the discomfort of poor decisions, because that is where humility and appreciation are discovered. Brenden Dilley
We all make decisions that at sometimes poor, they affect others around us, they hurt people, some decisions may make you financially disempowered, emotionally bankrupt, you name it- it had an effect on  your world however, the story does not end there, you can always always always make another choice One thing I have learnt is mistakes make masters and keeps me humble and grateful. It pulls me back when I am ready to pounce on someone who seemingly makes a poor choice. I think wow I have done worse and when I have done worse I truly thought that I was doing my best, or that was the information I had available to me and so I am reminded about my own mistakes and poor choices when I am about to jump on my high horse, to react to someone and also when I am about to make another choice Note to self- we are all on our own journeys

Comparison is a joy stealer

Comparison is crazy-making. It stamps on potential and truth and all the good things you might already have going for you if you weren’t so busy shadow-boxing with the people who you think have it better.  Danielle La Porte
My grandma always told me that I must compete with no one but who I see in the mirror and compare myself to that person as well. Truth be told I do not have a competitive bone in my body, put me in a race to prove it and please don't bet on me! I developed the whole compare vibe at University, I wanted to be like the students who had cars, who were popular who were hanging out with the who's who! I quickly learnt that it wasn't my game to play. Comparison left me feeling always wanting! And so it seems like over the last few weeks I started reliving my University experience by comparing myself and guess what the "always wanting" feeling came screaming to me! 

Comparison is a big waste of time and energy, you can only be you so do you to the best  …

No one can give if he is concerned with the result of the giving.

It is not the function of God’s teachers to evaluate the outcome of their gifts. It is merely their function to give them. Once they have done that they have also given outcome that is part of the gift. No one can give if he is concerned with the result of the giving. That is a limitation of the giving itself, and neither the giver nor the receiver would have the gift. Trust is an essential part of giving in fact it is part that making sharing possible. The part that guarantees the giver will not lose but only gain, Who gives a gift and then remains with it, to be sure it is used as the giver deems appropriate Such is not giving but imprisoning
It is relinquishing of all concern about the gift that makes it truly given and it is trust that makes true giving possible ACIM
A Course in Miracles (ACIM) is one text that has me thinking, scratching my head sometimes, and even smiling to myself other times using some choice language. The Course talks about our function is to give the gift and move o…

Everything I do is a joy and a gift

Everything I do for you is a joy and a gift .You got my whole life lifted Jill Scott

Something hit me on Friday at the NiNa Graduation. This is what I will do for free and it brings me joy. I sat there and right at that moment there is no other place I would have rather been. Ok so what is the challenge with that? Well truth be told this programme is my labour of love, every cycle I have to somehow find/gather/muster up the resources to make it happen. I have some pretty awesome friends and angels who have supported me on this journey so far, and some continue to. They show up for me - without me having to pay them and they deliver. But as reality goes it costs money to run the thing!  One of the speakers on Friday reminded me in her own way to know my worth, believe in what I do and believe that it has value- thank you for the reminder The whole concept of "not enoughness" rears its head over and over and I maintain a balancing act with that and wanting to give back and do thi…