What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Essentially, the bottom line cause of break-ups and divorce is when one or both of the partners can no longer stand to see themselves in the other person. Dr Edrica Richardson I continue to be fascinated by the concept that all of my relationships are mirrors, the good and the not so good within my personality is reflected back to me through the people that I have in my life, the people I like and the ones that I a have challenge liking. The reflections that I have difficulty in accepting are the things that show me where I need to grow, heal, release judgement and let go. It makes perfect sense to me now that I feel so angry, helpless and sometimes even guilty when I don;t fancy someone.  The anger and such shows that I am really feeling that way about myself, I am having difficulty with the reflection.  Now I can say that the mirror is really showing me where I have open wounds or unresolved issues. How marvellous is that, how wonderful it is to know when  people who frustra

The universe will perfectly align us with those who mirror back to us the areas in which we need to heal or they will mirror back to us the space of self-love that we've created. In this way, our relationships are our greatest ​spiritual ​assignments; they magnify whatever it is that's going on within us. Jennifer Kass Relationships, I have learnt, are mirrors. I have said this many times before here It is yes a hard pill to swallow. Mirrors where we are able to see where we are, what we love and what requires healing, tweaking, shifting and re-affirming.  When this is the case, do you adjust the mirror? We really will be defeating the purpose if we change look to change the reflection Newsflash- the reflection is you! And you have the power to make the change to you! When a part of you is manifested through the actions of others, you must choose whether or not you want to keep this part of you alive.  If you do, embrace it. Welcome it. However, if you determine wha

The idea is not to judge yourself, or even analyze what happened. It is simply natural (un-natural, really) for us to become afraid of being at peace, and therefore we will do things that bring about the opposite state. Not judging yourself means you are forgiving yourself, and forgiveness is the only answer that leads to peace . ACIM Reading A Course in Miracles during my journey, time and time again the teachings insist that guilt is a wasted emotion. I did not get it. I kept asking myself how can guilt be wasted? Isn't all emotions valid? I was just not sure how guilt is a wasted emotion. I kept asking myself - what am I missing? And then, like clockwork, the fog started clearing. Guilt is always disruptive, it is the voice of the ego ego. The ego believes in separation and so condones guilt. Delusional ideas are not real, but they can be believed, when they are believed the relevant actions follow.  There are only two emotions, love and fear. Guilt is a form of fear. It a

I will not value what is valueless - ACIM What do you value more than anything? Can you measure it, count it, take it with you? Is it tangible? What brings you joy? Is it something that you can touch, feel, smell, taste, hold, move take? Do you even know what you value, what brings you joy? After much thought and lessons, these are my top 6 things that I value - for now- because it changes: 1. Seeing the sun rise over the ocean - anywhere in the world 2. Seeing the sun rise on Mucurapo road on a Jouvert morning 3. Seeing the sun set on the African continent 4. Chatting with my grandma in her kitchen as she cooks me my favourite dish of bake and pumpkin 5. Being out in nature, hearing the birds and other sounds of nature 6. Watching Arsenal Football Club play football and winning in my favourite chair. As I reflect on all of this I have come to realise that these things have absolutely nothing to do with anyone giving me permission to do, having loads of cash

T o find out what is truly individual in ourselves, profound reflection is needed; and suddenly we realize how uncommonly difficult the discovery of individuality in fact is. Carl Jung Many of us have been socialised to believe that we must toe the line, follow the crowd, remain status quo and not be too different. Especially people of colour because there were consequences for being "too out there". Some were prepared to deal with the consequences and many were not ready or prepared. I have been thinking about individuation and how going through the process of self reflection and inner work brings up to the fore what is inside of us, what our truth is. At times, this shift can be uncomfortable for those who make it, not only because it is new, it may go against everything we know and it is completely non status quo. The process of self reflection and knowledge of self makes the isolation or differences of opinion easier to accept. I have learnt that a lot of my angst

Perhaps most of the people who have emerged from a setback stay in their same jobs, with their same lives, but they are different. It’s not about self anymore; it’s about relation, it’s about the giving yourself away. Their joy is in seeing others shine . David Brooks I was thinking about transformation, what it means and what sparks it. I thought about how much a transformation in my eyes looked like a totally different life, a drastic move and just like clockwork I bumped into the work of David Brooks who makes the case for a transformed life and person can be just a about the transformation of behaviour within the same environment. I see that this point of view makes quite a bit of sense, it is not about changing places where you are but changing the attitude and approach of our responses. It is about what is now important to your life, the approach to challenges and set backs.  Many times, the transformation is about shedding the ego, about giving and serving. This approach ca

In the realm of consciousness, a judgement is a classification. It is a thought that classifies people and things as right or wrong, good or bad, fair or unfair when measured against what we believe. Iyanla  What we believe is right or wrong for us are foundations and pillars of how we live, how we make decisions, how we choose our tribe. Many times what we believe came from a combination of tradition, stories passed down, religion, family, and experience. There are times however that the information we base our life choices on have changed or they no longer serve us. Additionally, we use the information as a basis for our interaction with others. When the other person is different, does something different, acts different, dresses different, speaks different,sometimes we get thrown off. We react sometimes in fear, most times in fear because fear can manifest itself in so many different ways. We believe what they are doing is wrong, or bad or unfair or flip side, good, great and won

Many of us believe that what happens to us gives rise to the feelings we experience. The truth is, it’s the other way around . Iyanla. The power of the mind is immense, there are many of a tale about how changing one's mind can change one's life, there is talk about mind over matter, there is also the belief that the thoughts that we think manifests itself into our reality. Our lives reflect back to us what we are thinking on both a conscious and unconscious level. If you want to see what you are thinking in real time, look at your life, look at the conditions of your life and be courageous enough to be vulnerable, courageous, and grateful that we have the opportunity to get the necessary information to support your growth, your development and your highest self. Isn't that what life is all about? Practice paying attention to your thoughts, practice noticing when it is running in a direction that is negative all the time, practice knowing that you can use this powerfu

The ego, a necessary construction, can also become a burden. In its unrelenting focus on power, achievement and sensual gratification, it breeds a culture, both inner and outer, of oppression, insecurity, addiction and loneliness. Enough is never enough. There is always someone richer, more accomplished and more successful than you are. Spiritual traditions across the world have offered counsel. The happiness that comes from accumulation is fleeting, they remind us. There is another kind of happiness, let’s call it joy, that comes from helping others. David Brooks How do I know when I need to put my ego in check? How do I know when my ego is running amok? I start defending everything people ask me,  I disappear, I hide, I want to prove my point. I beat myself up and make excuses.  The ego has to be put in check sometimes, because if not, it thrives on comparison, separation, conflict and guilt. When I find myself going down that road I know that I'm tripping! I have learnt

Some of our biggest disappointments in life are the result of expectations we have of others that they can’t ever possibly meet . Soledad Francis Iyanla says it the best, it is actually unloving to both you and the other person to expect them to do the things they have either demonstrated that they cannot do or are unwilling to do by their actions. We live in hope that if we continue to coerce, prove ourselves, ask nicely, motivate and inspire others that they will somehow come around to doing that particular thing that we have been asking and begging them to do or not do for ages. When they don't we get really frustrated and annoyed, sometimes bitter! Do your thing, stay in your lane, climb your ladder and most importantly make a choice that you cannot make people do anything you want them to do if they don't want to do it. Focus on you, because....choices Real talk! Peace Have you read any of Akosua's work? What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey

An inflated consciousness is always egocentric and conscious of nothing but its own existence. It is incapable of learning from the past, incapable of understanding contemporary events, and incapable of drawing right conclusions about the future. It is hypnotized by itself and therefore cannot be argued with. It inevitably dooms itself to calamities that must strike it dead. Carl Jung How much of a role does  attitude play in our daily living with others? I have seen so many quotes and sayings about how far a pleasant attitude can take you. I have seen those saying that a positive attitude can alter your altitude and many others which subscribe to the view that one's attitude plays an important part on the journey. I  am experiencing a situation right now where someone continuously displays an attitude of divisiveness, non - inclusion, bullying and unkindness. What baffles me is that this attitude seems to be rewarded in the name of "getting the job done"  The w

When we think we are unworthy, it means that, for some reason, we believe that we have to prove we  have a right to our space on the planet, in life, as we are,".  "That means that we will do all manna of wonderfulness to prove we deserve to be here." In that effort, we tend to go overboard in our everyday interactions. "We over commit, over-give, we over-do, we over-excuse, we overcompensate, and we stay in difficult, desperate, hurtful, harmful situations much longer than it is wise or productive to do so,"  it's impossible to improve your self-worth without first recognizing your true value and seeing   yourself   as worthy - Iyanla The moment I find myself defending a position, wanting to prove that my way is the right and best way I have to check myself. I am drifting into a realm of feeling  either less than or better than. It may not come across that way. Real talk! The need to get someone to agree with everything we say and believe is

It was really about rising to the opportunity that had been given to me and making sure I didn’t sabotage it with the fear that I felt stepping out into this big bad world . Lupita Nyongo I am a strong believer in the Laws of the Universe, some people argue with me about those beliefs. They want to know why I place more emphasis on the Laws of the Universe than the Bible. I can safely say that it really is a case of me identifying with what moves my soul. I love many of the stories given in the Bible, they are brilliant lessons, my challenge is the misinterpretation by many who use the Bible as I term it a weapon to keep others in fear, guilt and bondage. Anyhoos, I digress! The point I was actually going to make is about getting out of our own way. It is simply not only visualising the outcome of what you desire. It is putting in the "work" required to make it a reality. This comes from the tenets of the Law of Inspired Action. Part of taking inspired action is ge

"if you're wondering why things aren't clicking, or why things aren't happening in the ways you want or wish, now would be a good time to ask, "what am i holding onto in spirit that no longer serves me, that is keeping the good away?" Joel Leon There are so many new experiences that I have been happening in my life over the past few weeks. I know and I have heard that the only thing one can guarantee in life is change. I must say though it works so much easier when I either read that or tell it to someone else! Experiencing change is still a very tough lesson for me especially when the change is not something that I am comfortable with and don't know the actual outcome. Change I have learnt is never convenient, and new experiences come to show us how much we have grown or how much growing we still have to do. When the new experiences come, and I feel uncomfortable, I resist them. Resistance looks like me showing up late, me complaining bi

Now for the Ego Check. How do you know when you are being ruled by the negative ego? It’s simple. When you perceive life as a process of you against them or, believe they are out to get you; when your needs are more important than theirs or, when their needs are more important than yours, you are under the spell of the ego. Iyanla Vanzant  This morning I was listening to a podcast on the Ego. I've had this love-hate relationship with the ego. I thought the ego was bad, that it would overtake my life and turn me into a monster- ok ok I know, I am being dramatic!  The penny dropped this morning, the ego is a part of me, and as with everything that is a part of me, acceptance is essential for moving on and making decisions. The challenge with the ego is how I use and perceive it. There is the positive ego and the negative ego. As I was sitting there listening I reflected on last Friday where I truly lost my cool because I did not agree at all with what was being said on a panel