What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Do not accommodate bad behavior - - - even your own. Iyanla Vanzant Sometimes we just got to look in the mirror and "fess up" Sometimes we just have to take responsibility for our actions and admit that we did it, we did the rubbish! Sometimes we just have to say I apologize. And most times doing that is challenging. Self reflection and owning our stuff takes courage. But, let me share what I have learnt is - this process is essential in moving forward. And the even more beautiful thing is once we own and take responsibility for our stuff we can change and shift things! When we don't it will always be a case of us putting the responsibility on others - that simply does not and cannot work Are you not setting boundaries? Then you must accept that and set some Are you habitually late? that's you boo! Are you unhealthy? - own it, then decide to do something about it Are you stressed? - own it, then do something about it When we own our stuff we are on our wa

We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won't need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don't fire cannons to call attention to their shining - they just shine . Dwight Moody when you show up and you shine every single time, what happens is, shining  becomes a part of you, shining becomes your norm and what is shining? shining is not hiding behind excuses shining is taking responsibility for your actions shining is doing your best in the moment – sometimes the moment may not be perfect, but it ought not to stop you from doing your best in that moment shining means being honest shining means knowing that you will make mistakes shining means feeling all your feelings shining means having self belief shining means being disciplined shining means doing the work shining means having the faith when you have done all the work shining means being courageous shining means being flexible shining means setting & respecting boundaries    

Boundaries were necessary for a successful relationship. Most relationships aborted in the boundary defining stage. Not because people demanded what they needed. But because they didn’t, then got resentful about it.     Karen Morie Moring Boundaries, oh Boundaries! My hardest lesson on the journey! I think of myself as a naturally kind and giving person. I love to help, to support, to send light, to be around positivity. And for that reason I make the extra effort to be kind to people, to show up smiling and to mind my own business. And with this approach I have also learnt that there are those who are not in a position to receive my kindness and smiling. This is where boundaries come in, how do I draw a line in the sand when those who do not know how to receive my kindness? How do I not take this personally? How do I not keep looking for a way to "of help"? How do I say no? How do I have a conversation with people about these boundareis and more than that, the consequ

making a commitment means more than saying "I'll try." It means saying "I'm all in. I'm totally committed here. Even if the going gets rough. In fact, especially then." Les Brown I've been called the "Try Police" When people tell me "I'll try" or "I'm trying" I usually say to them - it is either you are doing or not doing - there is no try Many people don't get it, some have started making a joke about it and calling me the "Try Police" I start policing them on their "try list" I have learnt that saying that I am trying can be a cop out, it denotes that you may not be all in, not toally committed. So I have changed my language I am doing or not doing. Changing my language affects how I do things, or not do things If I say "well I'm trying" it could mean at least I have started, it could mean well leave me alone, it can mean whatever happens I tried even if it

“(T)he only thing to do is to be where you are  at this moment,  sometimes looking about in the full light of consciousness, other times standing comfortably in the shadows of mystery and the unknown…. Care of The Soul I have learnt that one of the things that contributes most to my stress is dwelling on the past and projecting the future with what if's based on fear! Being in the present moment takes practice Being in the present moment is not only about where you are physically it is about being present in the moment, you mind is right there. Not thinking about what you could have done, ought to have done, should have done, going to do Sometimes, confessions on the journey,my mind is saying "I could be watching football right at this minute" "Did I take the stove off?" well you know that sets it off!?! What if the house burns down to the ground? yada yada yada "What is on my to do list for tomorrow?" "Did I pay that bill?" the

"Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them. ” Anonymous "Just open up - you project that you are very serious and live a high flying life"- a guy told me this yesterday and yes, confessions on the journey, I really dig this guy! So when the statement was made I was a tad bit shocked! to me it was very random and out of the blue, because we haven't spoken for ages and the initial conversation was, to me at least, nothing to do with this! I thought about it for a while! Why lower my standards just to have a man? Nah sah! Why lower my standards just to be alone? Double na sah! I am all advocating for flexibility and compromise, I am all for having standards and boundaries. I am all for love! I love love It is the greatest force and feeling ever! So if anyone is coming at me to ask me to lower my standards I will have to politely decline and let them know I can and I will love them from afa

When you treat yourself with the kindness and high regard that you would give to one of your spiritual heroes, your body becomes the epicenter of quiet joy rather than a battlefield for the ego. Debbie Ford How do you know the difference between the voice of intuition and the voice of the ego? I have asked myself this question a couple of times over the last month Triggered of course by a chain of events. I was asked to assist  a community group, repeatedly. I kept procrastinating because, confessions on the journey, I do not agree with the philosophies of the leader. I can probably go so far as saying she gets on my nerves. And when things and especially people get on my nerves it bugs the whole hell out of me! (that is another post althogether!) So how do you know the difference between the voice of the ego and the voice of the intuition? I have deduced that the voice of intuition is the voice of peace, when you listen to it, you feel at peace. The voice of the ego shouts,

money, that thing we chase so much, can’t save us - Luvvie Ajayi Someone I know asked me "Am I really taking care of myself?" I only ever considered that person as an aquitance, someone that I admire from afar, we have the occasional random conversation when we se each other at events or the occasional text message. So to hear the this question was almost out of the blue I asked "why do you ask, do I project that I don't take care of myself?" "No, I just see what is going on with people who are doing amazing things in the world committing suicide and I want to make sure that you are taking care of you" I thought about that and it made me realise that I had to make another choice. I stopped going to therapy because my counsellor took a job overseas, when she asked me if I wanted a referral, I said no thank you, I just wanted her! (that was me throwing my toys out the pram in protest)  I have to make a choice to continue at counselling I go

It ain’t going to look like you already know. Your Blessings, Your Healing, Your Change Because if it does look like you know then then you will have no use for trust Iyanla Vanzant One of my favourite lessons is leave some room for the unexpected because things are ususally never going to turn out the way we planned. Many times it turns out to be even better! it exceeds all expectations and plans. Human have a tendency to live from a place of safety and what was. What they ahve already seen with their eyes! And so we make plans with those lens not remembering that the Universe is a never ending source of awesomeness. When we are healing, situations, people and events occur which are  totally new to us, which can sometimes  be frustrating and we are called to be present and trust the process. We get scared or impatient when it either drags on longer than we believe it should or we don't really know how to deal with the matter. This is where trusting the process comes

We like to justify, especially when we do crazy stuff - Iyanla Vanzant How many of us do stuff we know is madness at the time but still do it, then we get asked about it or called out on it and justify it with some other mad reason? Ok, I don't know about you but I have done it! I have justified the crazy shit that I have done with some bull shit reason and excuse! Why? Because I wanted to be right I did not want to look like a fool I did not want anyone to tell me "I told you so" I wanted to look good I wanted to be the smart one I wanted to show that my decisions were sound And here's the thing with all of that, wanting and not wanting all that it does not change what you have done nor change the lessons that you must learn in the process. Life is like that, we make decisions that are not in the best interests for you in the moment. When we do not own it we continue to make the same mistakes and repeating the same patterns. I have learnt to a

“Nothing has happened in the past; it happened in the Now. Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now.” Eckart Tolle The FiFa World Cup is here! I love football, confessions on the Journey, I am a fan, I can sit and watch football all day, from any league in the world, I know the names of footballer's, the countries that they are from and the club teams they play for. I read football stories and stay at home on weekends purely to watch football. It brings me joy! So, the world cup of football is here, every four years the best 32 teams of the world get together and play to determine who the champion is. I have had the oportunity to go to a world cup and it exceeded all expectations! The competition started yesterday, normally I would be ready in front of my telly, snacks in hand to watch the opening ceremony and the opening game, then I would schedule my life around the must see games. I have been doing this for as long as I know myself. Yesterday I fo

Standing up for yourself means so many things. But mostly, standing up for yourself means everything. It's how you'll cultivate relationships that are healthy. It's how you'll remind yourself of your own power. It's how you'll show the world to treat you. It's how you'll get paid more. It's how you'll get all of what you deserve because you know you're worthy of it all first, and reality will rise to meet your belief in yourself. Maxie Stand for yourself, stand in yourself, stand by yourself, stand with yourself. Practice it, Live it, Do it! Standing for yourself requires courage, trust and self validation Standing for yourself you may fall,  every time you fall down Stand up, stand up, even if you're small, even if you're small You can stand tall Peace

When you trust yourself, you don't feel as anxious. Decisions don't feel so hard to work through. Challenging days can happen without throwing you so off-course.   Kate Courageous Trusting yourself is a never a bad idea! It comes with you doing some work though! Depending on your circumstances, there are times when trusting ourselves can be challenging. What I have learnt is that trusting yourself is a process and does not happen overnight but with practice and faith it happens and makes all the difference, especially in making decisions. Trusting Ourselves is important because 1. We can trust others. 2. We can trust life and the process of life 3. We can, when we make mistakes, trust ourselves enough to make another choice knowing that all will be okay 4. We listen to our intuition  5. We develop self confidence and self love When I go against what I know and trust it usually blows up in my face like a bomb! I ought to know this my now! A friend of mine ask

Missing you is not enough. Making “the biggest mistake of my life” is not enough. If a person wants a second chance, then they should have a lot of clarity around what made the first go at it not work. When growth is present there’s a greater chance at a different outcome. When there’s no growth, there’s little chance at a new ending . Vienna Pharaon Are you a second chance type of person? Do you allow for second chances in your relationships? or do you cut people off first time they slip up? we call my granma "thousand chance" she gives people so many chances, while everyone in the family has sworn off certain members, she keeps the door open until they actually die or stop coming around I have some of my grandma's traits. What I have learnt is: 1. Setting boundaries and consequences for violating those boundaries are important - I ought to know what I will tolerate and others ouught to know as well as knowing what are the consequences for disrepecting them 2. S

“ Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.”   Maya Angelou Yesterday, the young ladies from the NiNa Programme participated in stilt walking, this is a long held tradition in our country that we call "Moko Jumbies". People walk on stilts as high as 6 feet tall, they dance on them and have a good ole time. Especially during our annual carnival celebration. It takes courage and the willingness to take risks to get up on those stilts. I always marvel when I see them dancing and hopping on one foot. Falling down is par for the course when learning the art And so the thinking behind taking the young ladies was to build courage and for them to learn that falling is okay, it is in the staying down that can be an issue They were all quite keen to go We arrived and they were introduced to the stilts, they were all scared of falling, credit to them they all put on the stilts and made a righ

There would be no need for love if perfection were possible. Love arises from our imperfection, from our being different and always in need of the forgiveness, encouragement and that missing half of ourselves that we are searching for, as the Greek myth tells us, in order to complete ourselves. Eugene Kennedy Perfection is a form of fear, this much I have learnt. When I wait and wait and wait for the perfect moment it never comes, I always see something that I can adjust or change or do better. Then I pack it in because either the time has passed or some other excuse that I give myself On the flip side, I used to think that no one could do the past better than I could, so I would take it over, get frustrated and overwhelmed when I have too much to do and cuss! Another form of fear. Now, I just do, I must admit that this philosophy frustrates a lot of people, they tell me that I am rash, or I am non committal, or that I am ill prepared What I have learnt is I can learn as I go,

The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.” Barak Obama Yesterday I met with past participants of the  NiNa Proramme  . Confessions on the journey, I felt such a sense of joy in being aroud them, in seeing how level headed and generous they have become. I can understand now the joy of teaching and it's returns because if this is how I felt just being around them once per week, I can only imagine the feeling being around students daily and seeing their growth Yesterday made all the sacrifices to find money and speakers worthwhile. That moment when I thought about packing it in last week, is now a distant memory especially seeing how they are now keen to give back to the programme. Giving and receiving is indeed the same thing I thank the Universe for the timely reminders that doing something b

We know that material things don't offer contentment, but we still buy more-more of the props and gadgets our culture tells us we must have in order to be happy and "happening." Our addiction to consumption distracts us from seeing that we are disconnected from ourselves, from our truth and from one another. Any euphoria we gain from our material gains is fleeting at best . Susan L Taylor How many times have we gone out to "buy our problems away?" We go out to buy a new gadget, a new outfit, shoe, handbag or whatever shiny thing that would make us either forget or be happy in the moment. And then what happens? Sometimes we feel guilty - especially when we use funds that ought to be utilised elsewhere or max out or credit card Sometimes we don't even use the thing- it was just a spur of the moment purchase Sometimes we just go back to the situation and repeat the "solution" which continues the cycle. What I have learnt is, face it. Feel

I know that we must make healthy choices in everything from food to lovers, and must take care of ourselves rather than always being anxious about the response of others. I know we must feel comfortable in our skin, no matter what shade it is. Susan L Taylor  Confessions on the Journey - I have about 3 things that I fear for real for real for real ( that's 3 for real's, s its a lot of fear!) 1. I fear getting into water as I cannot swim 2. I fear dying alone 3. I fear getting old Today is my birthday. The fear comes up like a beast  annually, and came up like one tday! I invited it in this morning and we had a chat! We spoke about embracing the present moment, we spoke about the wisdom that comes with experience, we spoke about the dreams unfulfilled that I have an opportunity to still fulfil if I so desire, and we spoke about  how there ain't nothing that I can do to change this annual thing! And to end it all we spoke about how great I look! And with that