What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

  “ Yeah, December can carry a particular kind of pressure. Even when your life seems okay, you can feel this background hum of comparison. Other people’s milestones and families, other people’s versions of what the seasonal holidays are meant to look like. It’s easy to start measuring yourself against some invisible master checklist and coming up short. Even if you’re fine with where, who and how you are. Even then.” — Yrsa Daley-Ward There is a particular kind of self‑talk I slip into every December, especially around Christmas. It’s the self‑talk that invites me—sometimes gently, sometimes with a nudge—to accept what is. To soften around the places where I still struggle. People love the Christmas season for all sorts of reasons: the cleaning, the shopping, the meeting up, the eating, the joy‑spreading in their own way. There’s a buzz, a rush even. Houses getting scrubbed down, supermarkets overflowing, malls packed, traffic backed up for miles. Lights everywhere. Noise everywh...

  Michael Singer says, “The real spiritual work is to stop pushing uncomfortable experiences down—thus creating blockages—and instead let both new and old energy pass through, so the heart and mind can return to their natural state of peace.” Whew. That one met me where I live. I grew up around what we proudly called strong women. Women who pushed through disappointment, heartbreak, confusion—women who got things done. There was no room for feelings, no space for crying, no time for sitting with anything tender. You sorted it out and you moved on. Full stop. So of course, I became a strong woman too—by that definition. And for a long time, it worked. Or at least, I thought it did. Until it didn’t. There came a moment when life sat me down—hard. A moment when I couldn’t push through, couldn’t outrun the discomfort, couldn’t “figure it out” with my usual efficiency. I had to feel. I had to face the change. I had to sit in the messiness of my own emotions. And let me tell you, it flat...

  Affirmation: "I honor my inner critic as a protector, but I choose awareness and balance as my guides. I am safe, I am capable, and I allow my aliveness to shine through." The inner critic is clever. It’s a well‑honed self‑defense mechanism, designed to keep us safe from risk, disappointment, and rejection. In fact, it often rejects us before anyone else even gets the chance. But here’s the thing: when that voice is out of balance, it doesn’t just protect—it steals. It robs us of aliveness, of self‑expression, of connection. Over the past few months, I’ve been paying closer attention to the way I automatically speak to myself. Instead of letting the critic run wild, I pause and ask: • What are you protecting me from? • Am I safe in this moment? • Do I really want to do this and am just afraid? That pause has changed everything. It’s like opening a window in a stuffy room—suddenly there’s space, clarity, breath. I’ll be honest: many times I’m afraid of “looking stupid,...

  Every week, I drive to the beach. It’s not just a trip—it’s a ritual. A ritual that has healed me, stretched me, and reminded me of how magnificent nature is in all her glory. The confidence came first. Those narrow, steep, winding roads used to terrify me. But each drive became a quiet victory, proof that courage grows in the doing. The healing followed. Sunrise silence, the ocean’s endless horizon, the sheer beauty that only The Most High could create. I began to whisper to myself: If I come from the same Source as the ocean, then I must carry its qualities too. Imperfect, yet magnificent. Restless, yet divine. Three years later, rain or shine, I am there. The beach has become my mirror. Today, the ocean was wild. Waves crashed harder than I’ve ever seen. Where the river met the sea, the sand broke apart, the energy roared. At first, I thought: This is not inviting at all. Yet the water was warm, the sky cleared into a crisp blue, and a rainbow arched above me. Nature was loud,...

 “ Why are habits so important? They are, in essence, behavioral autopilot. They allow lots of good behaviors to happen without the Rider taking charge. Remember that the Rider’s self-control is exhaustible, so it’s a huge plus if some positive things can happen ‘free’ on autopilot.”  ― Chip Heath, Switch I love habits. Call me Madam Consistent. They free up my mind and create space for the lifestyle I want—the one I have intentionally shaped. Habits are the scaffolding of my days, the quiet rhythm that makes life feel steady. But here’s the paradox: habits can liberate, and they can imprison. The question I ask myself often is—are my habits keeping me rooted, or are they keeping me stuck? Do they give me freedom, or do they make me resist change? My habits are simple, yet powerful: I go to the beach every week, to walk, to watch the sunrise, to spend time with, by, and          in the water. I go to boxing during the week, a practice that combines...

Pour something in daily. However small, it compounds into trust. And trust allows us to rise.   Consistency is expensive. It demands time, energy, sacrifice, and discipline. But in return, it buys us the rarest currency—self-trust. And that trust is what allows us to rise. I learned this lesson the hard way. When I was studying to become an accountant, I believed I could cram the syllabus two weeks before the exam and sail through. After all, that formula had worked before. But this time, it didn’t. One of my lecturers said something that shifted everything: “You start with 100%, and every action you take—or don’t take—can minus marks.” That landed deeply. I realized that every day I chose not to study, I was subtracting from my own potential. So I started small. Ten minutes a day. Reading something daily, pouring something into my brain, no matter how little. That consistent pattern became the action that would not minus from that 100%. And it worked. I passed the exams—and contin...

  "Sometimes we have this idea that people have potential they’re not maximizing, and our goal in our relationship with them becomes getting them to see that potential. We want them to become what we think they should be. But here’s the thing: people have to see their own potential. They have to be able to see a way out of their circumstances, and we can’t do that for them. " — Nedra Glover Tawwab This quote resonates deeply with me. In both my professional and personal life, I’ve often found myself chasing after the shimmer of potential—believing that if I could just help someone see what I see, they would rise into it. Sometimes that belief has been a gift. Other times, it has blinded me to reality, to what is truly standing in front of me. The truth is sobering: potential is not enough. If someone doesn’t believe in it, doesn’t see it, or doesn’t want to realize it, there is nothing I can do. And the reverse is equally true—if others see something in me that I cannot yet g...

Affirmation: "I honor gratitude for what is, while courageously choosing more joy, more love, and more life for myself." December arrives with a question, carrying the weight of eleven months behind it and the promise of twelve more ahead. This month, my word is more. A tricky word, isn’t it? Because when the balance is off, “more” can become a restless hunger, a treadmill that never stops. We chase it, forgetting gratitude, forgetting presence, forgetting that enoughness is already here. But the “more” I am choosing this December is different. It is not about accumulation or striving. It is about shifting out of survival mode—the place I’ve lived in for much of this year—and remembering that joy can exist even in challenge. Survival mode doesn’t have to mean scarcity. It can hold laughter, memories, and moments of light. It can remind me that wanting more is not a betrayal of gratitude, but an expansion of it. So I ask myself: what is the intention behind “more”? Is it fear,...

  Affirmation: I honor the footsteps that came before me, and I plant seeds of dignity, joy, and legacy with every step I take. Brasilia held me in a way I did not expect. I arrived as part of the me too Global Network delegation, invited to join the March for Reparations and Good Living in Brazil and Beyond. In the days leading up to the march, the city pulsed with gatherings, workshops, and meetings—spaces alive with pride, love, and purpose. Every conversation carried weight, every activity stitched together a fabric of solidarity. I felt myself being called higher. To pay attention not only to how I show up in the NiNa program, but how I show up in the world. There were women who who had been advocating for dignity and equal rights long before I was even imagined, our ancestors. Their footsteps laid the path I now walk. And with that realization came a quiet accountability: how I live my life must honor them. This is my time to plant seeds, to tend the garden left for me. Brazi...

Affirmation:  I honor my effort, even when it feels imperfect. Every stumble is a step toward strength, every misstep a lesson in resilience. I prepare with intention, I present with courage, and I forgive myself with grace. I am growing, I am learning, and I am enough  Life has a way of throwing us into moments we think we’re ready for—until we’re standing there, heart racing, words tangled, wishing we could disappear. Today was one of those moments for me. I had a presentation to give. I knew about it, I prepared for it, but when the time came… I froze. I was nervous, I mumbled, I stumbled through my slides. Honestly, I was just bad. And it hurt, because being chosen to present meant something to me. It felt like an opportunity, and I wanted to rise to it. Instead, I wanted to cry. But here’s the thing: I didn’t run. I pulled myself together, faced the music, and let the experience humble me. That’s the part I’m holding onto. From this day forward, I’m making a vow—not just ...

 Affirmation: I release the cages I have built around myself. I welcome support, connection, and abundance into my life. I choose freedom over fear, expansion over limitation, and love over self-abandonment. Each day, I open the gates wider and step into the fullness of who I am I was reading Briana Wiest, one of my favorite truth tellers, I had to pause after reading this “Some of us build our own cages and live within them because we think it keeps us safe.” Safe. That word echoed. And I immediately asked myself: what cages have I built? What stories do I keep telling myself — and others — that convince me it’s safer to stay locked inside than to step out into freedom? Fear, uncertainty, ignorance, inherited beliefs… they all become bricks in the walls of our self-made prisons. It was humbling, almost jarring, to look into the mirror of Self and realize: the prisons we build are often harder to leave than the ones imposed on us. Bob Marley said it best: “None but ourselves can fr...

  Affirmation :I stay with myself. I breathe. I feel. I return If I’m being honest—and I try to be, especially with myself—my coping mechanism is scrolling the internet and isolating. There it is. Named. Not judged, just seen. Coping mechanisms are curious things. They’re meant to help us shift our attention, to soften the edges of what feels too sharp in the moment. And sometimes, they do just that. They offer a pause, a breath, a buffer. But the trouble begins when the pause becomes a pattern. When the buffer becomes a barrier. When the thing we’re avoiding—grief, fear, uncertainty, even joy—gets buried beneath the scroll, the snack, the spreadsheet, the sweat, the silence. We all have our go-tos. Work. Exercise. Food. Shopping. Sex. Relationships. Binge-watching. The list is long and familiar. The question isn’t whether we cope. It’s how. And whether the how is helping us return to ourselves—or pulling us further away. For me, the internet offers a kind of numbing hum. A place w...

Affirmation: I give myself permission to grow, even when it’s uncomfortable. I trust the process, honor my pace, and welcome curiosity as my guide. I am allowed to begin again.    Are we willing to give ourselves permission to do a new thing? Not the kind of permission that comes with guarantees or applause. But the quiet, trembling kind. The kind that whispers, “go ahead and do it,” even when the outcome is uncertain. The kind that invites curiosity, even when clarity hasn’t arrived. To give ourselves permission, we must first look at what we’re holding on to. What beliefs have become our safety nets, our shields, our stories? Maybe it’s the belief that we must always be seen to be worthy. Maybe it’s the belief that keeping the peace is more important than speaking our truth. Maybe it’s the belief that mistakes are failures, not teachers. I want to give myself permission to let go of needing to be seen. To let go of the role of peacekeeper when peace costs my presence. To mak...

Affirmation: I honor the ache and the effort. I trust the timing. I release what is not mine to carry. What is for me will not pass me by—and I meet it with grace, not grasping. Have you ever wanted something so deeply it felt like your whole being was leaning into it? Like you could taste it, touch it, see it solving everything that felt heavy and uncertain? I had that moment today. This consultancy job—I wanted it with all my heart. In my mind, it was the answer to the financial strain I’ve been carrying, the quiet erosion of confidence I hadn’t even realized had taken root. It would pay off debts, restore some ease, remind me of who I am when I’m standing tall. And yet, everywhere I turned, there were blocks. First the references. Then the health insurance. Then another thing. And another. Today, the final delay came—the insurance was taking longer than expected, and time was running out. And something shifted. In the past, I would’ve gone straight into solution mode. Who has time t...

Affirmation: I learn, I share, I rise—with my sisters, for my sisters.  I was invited to join the Global Me Too Movement in crafting a manifesto for Latin America and the Caribbean—one that centers survivors, demands justice, and imagines healing as both personal and political. We gathered in a circle of fierce tenderness, where truth was spoken, held, and honored. To be part of this global moment—as the quiet one, the motif-maker, the dreamer of Nina-sized visions—was nothing short of miraculous. I showed up real, and real met me back. The pride and gratitude I felt were unmatched. It’s still sinking in. But what moved me most was the camaraderie. The way we laughed, cried, translated across languages and lived experiences. I learned so much about Latin America’s passionate feminist principles—rooted in resistance, joy, and unwavering solidarity. These women, these grassroots organizations, continue to show up for their sisters with grit and grace, demanding justice and building s...

Affirmation:   I honor the storm and the stillness. I choose presence over resistance, and trust the pivot. I have been in Mexico for the past few days. It has been eye-opening. Not just for the beauty of the place, but for the depth of the gathering. I’m here among comrades of the cause—women who speak the same language of justice, healing, and fierce love. The room is full of those working to end gender-based and sexual violence, to support migrant women, girls in State care, and to dismantle inequality in all its forms . There’s something sacred about being in a space where your truth doesn’t need translation. We’ve spent days exchanging ideas, building trust, and practicing self-care—which, let’s be honest, is the heartbeat of this movement. Without it, we burn out. With it, we rise. Today, we were meant to convene on the beach. A meeting with the ocean as witness. But as we got ready, the storm came—thunder, lightning, the whole dramatic symphony. Talk about a pivot? We had no...

Affirmation:  Obedience to the Most High's guidance is a form of trust Each month, I begin with an intention—a quiet compass I carry with me through the month. It’s not a resolution or a checklist, but a reminder of what I’m choosing to root into. This November, my intention is to deepen my relationship with the Most High. To listen more closely. To trust more fully. And most of all, to cultivate the courage to be obedient to the guidance I receive. I’ve noticed a pattern in myself: the guidance often comes clearly. A nudge. A knowing. A quiet instruction. And yet, I stall. I rationalize. I ask for proof. I want certainty that the outcome will match my expectations, that the leap will land exactly where I want it to. But guidance rarely works that way. It’s not a transaction—it’s a trust walk. This month, I’m choosing to follow the guidance. Even when it stretches me. Even when it asks me to leave the comfort of what’s familiar. Even when I don’t know how it will all unfold. I’m ch...

  Affirmation: I honour my balance, my breath, my becoming. I was scrolling through Instagram the other day—half curious, half distracted—when a post by The Q School stopped me in my tracks. It said: “People pleasing is controlling. Micromanaging is controlling. Being a workaholic is controlling. Constant dieting is controlling.” Hmmm. I paused. Let it land. Because society rewards us for all of those things, doesn’t it? For being “nice.” For being thin. For working hard. For being meticulous. We get applause for the very habits that, when out of balance, become cages. And here we are. Anything out of balance will fall down eventually. That’s not judgment—it’s gravity. After sitting with it, I realized why it resonated so deeply. Control, in many forms, is a kind of self-protection. It’s the armor we learned to wear early—some of us before we even had words. Depending on our histories, our cultures, our families, we learned to stay safe by staying in control. And over time, that a...

  Affirmation: “I no longer betray myself for peace. I create peace by being true.” “What do I need today—and am I honoring it?” A question asked with compassion. Received with surprise. And now held with reverence. It came from someone I admire deeply—intelligent, intuitive, and kind. And it landed in me like a seed. Quiet. Potent. Ready. Since that conversation, I’ve been paying attention.  Not just to what I do—but to why I do it. Not just to how I show up—but to whether I feel whole when I do. Because here’s the truth: It’s easy to lose ourselves. To dishonor ourselves. To convince ourselves that it’s nothing. We call it sacrifice. We call it being cool, being liked, keeping the peace. We call it “not a big deal.” But it is. It’s a betrayal of Self. And betrayal, even when done quietly, spills. Into our relationships. Into our work. Into our bodies. Into our joy. I’ve done it. I’ve ignored my needs to be liked. I’ve ignored my needs to avoid conflict. I’ve ignored my needs...

 Affirmation:  I am open to receiving abundance in all its forms—seen and unseen, simple and sacred. I trust that what I need is already on its way. I’ve been sitting with the word “abundance” lately. Not just the Pinterest version with gold fonts and overflowing fruit bowls, but the real, raw, everyday kind. The kind that whispers, nudges, surprises. The kind that shows up even when the bank account is quiet and the contracts are on pause. Abundance, to me, is the flow of energy from the Universal source of life. It’s spiritual and material prosperity. It’s love and wisdom. Talents and virtues. Money and material goods. It’s whatever we need to fulfil our purpose—and it doesn’t always come dressed in dollar signs. I’ve been meditating on how abundance shows up in my life, especially now, in this season of change. And let me tell you, it’s been showing up loud and clear. Not in the ways I used to expect, but in ways that feel even more sacred. A kind word from someone who sees...

Affirmation:    I honor the signs. I release the excuses. I choose truth, even when it’s inconvenient. We heal when we stop avoiding the signs. Not just the ones that whisper discomfort, but the ones that scream danger. Not just the physical aches, but the quiet erosion of self-trust. Healing, for me, is not just about the body. It’s about how I feel about myself when no one is watching. It’s about the choices I make when I want to win more than I want to be well. There are times I’ve wanted to win so badly— to prove I’m worthy, capable, right— that I’ve justified what I knew, deep down, was misaligned. I’ve ignored the nudge. I’ve overridden my intuition. I’ve dressed up excuses as discernment. I’ve even reached for spiritual platitudes to soothe the sting: “All is well.” “I saw a sign.” “I’m on the right path.” But Life, in her infinite grace, doesn’t let me get away with that for long. She loves me too much. She nudges. She whispers. She roars. She gets my attention in any...

Affirmation: I trust myself enough to choose" I believe our souls and spirits are involved in every single choice we make. Even the unconscious ones. Even the ones made in fear. Even the ones we avoid making altogether. Choice is not just a mental exercise. It’s a spiritual transaction. A whisper from the soul. A nudge from the spirit. A portal to creation. Sometimes I make choices knowing they’re not the best ones. I choose silence to avoid conflict. I choose compliance to be liked. I choose delay to dodge discomfort. And still—my soul is present. My spirit is involved. The consequence is never just external. It reverberates through the inner landscape. When I refuse to choose, I am still choosing. And my soul knows it. My spirit feels it. There is no bypassing the sacredness of choice. When we choose in alignment—with our values, our truth, our spirit— there is a peace. Not always ease. But peace. We are always being led to that place. To the choice that honors our wholeness. To...