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Tuesday, 28 June 2016

All healing is release from the past


As you shake your head No and point at all the people you can blame for what is going on with you, you miss another divine opportunity to examine what is really going on within you
Until you are willing to accept total and complete responsibility for your life, your life will keep sending you experiences designed to get your attention"
 I would read this every day a few years ago, to remind myself to take responsibility for me rather than looking for someone to blame and outsourcing my happiness
I would recite it in the morning out loud, in front the mirror because when I look into my eyes I know there is nothing worse than breaking a committment to me
I was reminded of it today, by chance - awww no not at all- there is no chance

I have been stressing out for the past few weeks, I have been worrying, I have been blaming and outsourcing my responsibility and life sent me an experience. I got ill! Now, I hardly ever get ill because I let out the stress, I find a way to deal with my emotions in a healthy way- I was tired, I was just plain ole tired and I forgot how much power I possess, I forgot about the light that never dims
So I got sick, like struck down in bed kind of thing and my over thinking kicked in, and I felt worse, the what if's came to get me and they got me
What if - no one knew I was ill and I stay here and turn to bones
What if - I starve because I have no food
What if - I get thirsty
What if - I can just stay here
What if - I never have anyone to take care of me when I am ill
Oh my the what if's were tormenting me

And then, the good sense God gave me returned! Accepting responsibility means examining the choices made, and free will means that I can change my mind anytime
It also means take a rest, lay down and rest, the brain is tired 'Put yourself in the centre of your life and accept full responsibility for all things that may be spinning out of control and then move
I'm resting this week, salyed the what if's and taking it easy

Monday, 27 June 2016

Say it kindly

In my own experience – and listening to others – what people really want is peace, love and happiness. They want to wake up each day and know they do matter, that they are and will always be okay regardless of what they have to face in life. Dawn Barclay

One of my favorite lessons - everyone matters!


Aren't the best things ever in life just really really simple?

Whoever they are, whatever circumstances that they are in, they have a part to play in the Universe and they matter.

Now, I interpreted that also to mean that you can matter to me from afar - which is to say I can love and respect you from a distance.
I also interpreted it to mean that every person who enters my space I give to them the respect that they deserve as a person who matters, how I speak to them, how I respond to them, how I show them that they have my attention in the time that they are in my own space
I have been practicing this.
Iyanla (the boss) says before you say something, ask yourself
1. Is it kind
2. Is it loving
3. Is it necessary
4. Can you say it in a way in which you would want to hear it?

Oh I would add that sometimes no is one of the most loving things that you can say! (day it kindly as ever!)

I have a few things that I want to tell a few people today, and so here I go!
Note to self: Everyone matters and remember to be kind

Saturday, 25 June 2016

Being all in

Being all in is you committing to your decisions whether or not they work out the way you planned.  Dawn Moxie

Big picture thinking is one thing I am happy to have learnt. This comes from knowing what you want, having a clear vision. When you have the big picture, the clear vision. you are committed to making decisions and taking massive action to get there - it's almost like this - the how comes along as you go along.
Getting to the corner, I can take a car, bus, walk, run, crawl - my big picture is getting to the corner. We get bogged down in the how. We look at what is in front of us and what has happened with other people - we want evidence, we want validation from friends, family and loved ones, we want a pat on the back, we want status quo, we want to be talked about positively- good luck with that homies!

All of the  amazing and awesome things that happened, that have been invented, that we use is through someone trusting and moving forward not knowing how
I let the how blow my mind because it always does, its quite exciting really - tuning out the naysayers is harder
I wanted to share my story I didn't know how
I wanted to travel I didn't know how

But it happened
It wasn't always easy what kept me going in the vision, the commitment the discipline and knowing that the how is not up to me
all roads lead to God
and all things are lessons that God would have us learn

Friday, 24 June 2016

Protect Yourself

"This is your journey. You are learning to trust yourself, and it has nothing to do with how someone else chooses to respond or not respond" Iyanla Vanzant

Sharing information and giving my point of view whilst maintaining my boundaries  - A major lesson for me that I must admit I am at the back of the class. I have been practicing and practicing and sharing and listening on this topic over the last week, and it's true for me that practice makes masters! So I continue to practice.

Setting and maintaining personal boundaries is all about trusting ourselves to know that no matter what we can be seen, be heard and be okay with others having their own boundaries. Choosing is also so important, the lovely free will that the Universe have given us to exercise come what may!
I can choose again!

Personal Boundaries aren’t aggressive, they aren’t ‘My way or no way’, ‘This way, or else’.
They aren’t a threat. They aren’t about control.
They are certainly not about power over. But they are about shared personal power.
They aren’t manipulation, bullying, aggression or coercion.
But they are about protection: physically, physiologically and emotionally.

We all have the right to state clearly what behaviours we will and won’t allow in our lives. That means, perhaps for your own protection (and protection of the other individual), there may be relationships that simply cannot exist in to protect your own health and well-being.

Health and well being is holistic here, if you are being physically abused- time to set some new boundaries and choose again, if you are being emotionally abused ditto
If you are willingly sleeping with someone else's partner - your health is also at risk because in truth and in fact, you are sleeping with all of them as well, chances are you don't know  the state of their physical health.
Well being is your peace of mind, if you aren't physically healthy, your peace of mind will also be shot to pieces


Thursday, 23 June 2016

Stalling tactics

While you are stalling and flapping around with tiny details that aren’t quite right to you, to the rest of us they are fine. You are not only robbing yourself of your own sanity and confidence, you are also robbing the world of what you can create, do and be.
Stop stalling.
Do it or don’t.
Commitment is not the same as trying. Dawn Barclay

The main reason for stalling is fear
Stalling is just what it is- waiting and waiting and waiting to act.
A big ole waiting game

Stop stalling.

  • If you want to launch your website but you aren’t 100% happy with the font because it’s not quite right, you’re stalling or perhaps scared of what others might think when you shove it out here, or both.
  • If you’re waiting until your children are in school before you pick up the pen and start creative writing again, you’re stalling.
  • If you’re always doing things for others because you can’t get started on your own stuff, you’re stalling and probably avoiding.
  • If you want to change career from the one that sucks your soul to the one that makes sense and fits your core values, but you’ve never even asked yourself what your values are, you’re stalling and not taking accountability for your happiness.
  • If you’re persistently looking about, seeing ideas that are successful for others, and change yours to look exactly like theirs because you aren’t confident in your own uniqueness or it’s not quite right, you’re stalling and also comparing your outer world to another’s outer show.
  • If you constantly have repeating ideas you would like to start, and you are forever putting them on the back-burning, you’re stalling.
  • If you’re always planning, analysing and never doing, you’re stalling.
  • If you’re always looking outside for confirmation that you’re doing a good job, you’re stalling and need to work on your own self-worth.
  • If you’re always talking about what you are going to do when … or one day maybe, you either don’t have strong goals or you’re stalling.
  • If you’re persistently watching on the sidelines with something really valuable to say, but you never speak up, you’re stalling.
  • If you arrive at a training course with the mindset you will never learn anything, you’re wasting your time and you’re stalling.
  • If you read hundreds of blogs weekly and wish you could start one, you’re just wishing and stalling.
  • If you’re constantly jumping on the next shiny new bandwagon for your business because you think you are missing out, you’re stalling.
  • If you’re supposed to be marketing your business and you are watching cat videos on YouTube, you’re stalling.
  • If you’re not happy in your significant relationship and you are scared to have difficult conversations that ultimately will help you grow (regardless of the outcome), you are stalling and probably building a bomb that will explode one day.
  • If you’re sitting on a project that has your heart and soul behind it and will make a difference in lives of others and your worried about what those two people will say you met 10 years ago when they see you talk about on Facebook, you’re stalling and are bothered too much about what others think. (Hint: they don’t actually care! You probably aren’t that special to them.)
  • If you’re meant to be writing an essay, article, piece of work and you’re putting in another load to the washing machine, you’re stalling.
  • If you’re trying to cram one week of work into a day because you couldn’t be bothered the other 4 days, you’ve stalled.
Stop Stalling

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Hell Naw, not today

something happens when you slowly enjoy becoming the woman of your dreams. you begin to see how powerful you truly are Ijeoma

Today I am pretty excited, well apart from my upcoming travels, which always increases my excitement levels, I am just excited about the person that I am becoming, I am excited about my lessons and discoveries and victories. It hit me bam in the face today
You (well I really mean me) I  keep analyzing, thinking, beating up on myself - hell, girlfriend lighten up, you ain't doing too bad, really you aren't ,so ease up, back up, get excited and celebrate!

Be proud of the strides you have made, it doesn't have to be this whole dramatic production of what is "supposed" to happen and what you aren't doing or should be doing
Just stop shoulding on yourself for one minute get excited and celebrate
Just suspend all judgement about yourself and others today
Just suspend the self criticism
Just suspend the analytics as to why this or that person is reacting and responding to you in a way that is different to the way you want them to
Just suspend the pretending to be okay 

How many of us fall into the trap of not celebrating and getting excited about life? We just strive and strive and work and work and analyse and analyse and yada yada yada
Hell naw, time to celebrate!
Today is a celebration of you and your becoming
becoming the woman of my dreams
I bloody well deserve it

Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Boundaries is a demonstration of self-respect

"It is your duty to take responsibility for how you expect and allow others to treat you" Iyanla (the absolute boss teacher)

One of my most challenging lessons is setting and maintaining boundaries.

For this purpose a boundary is defined as " a mental construct, expectation, request, or system that you put in place within yourself to define, prescribe or exclude behavior, people, experiences and internal or external intrusions"

Boundaries is a demonstration of self respect and respect for others
One cannot be allowed to run amuk in other people's lives with bad behavior,
When you know what is expected of you, you have the power to choose whether or not you want to participate or be in relationship with people.
When people care about you, they will respect what you request and expect. If they cannot, they will offer a compromise.

My challenges with boundaries stem from a combination of wanting to avoid confrontation and conflict, from wanting to keep the peace and wanting people to like me
I never trusted myself to handle a disagreement without either losing my temper (like boxing someone in the face with a wicked right hand) or losing the relationship. to me, disagreement was about losing. And so with that my boundaries were lines drawn in the sand and moved willy nilly to avoid losing.
This never ends well!
Why? My self respect and self love was shot to pieces because I was forever upset with myself for not following through with my boundaries, we show people how to treat us. what resulted was people were allowed to behave badly in my life.
So, what I learnt is that I need to be able to tell other people when they are being or behaving in whats that are unacceptable and frightening to me, and know that I will not lose
Somewhere there is a decision that honors you, that honors others. Find that decision.Be committed to finding it.


Monday, 20 June 2016

I shall not run or hide

In the midst of your most troubling time, difficult challenge, frightening experience, know that you can feel bad and recover.
it is not the pain, fear, shame, guilt which will "kill" you; it is your attempt to run away that will
when we run from our challenges we kill off our power
we strangle our strength, we suffocate our character. we assassinate our character and ability to grow
be still and matter what you will survive - Iyanla Vanzant

Have you ever made a decision and thought OMG did I just do that?? again???
The conversation I have with myself goes something like this:

1. Oh no not again!!!
2. Okay, what is the lesson here?
3. Shit, shit shit shit again? really?
4. Okay calm down, you are human
5. What is the lesson here?
6. I am a grown folk, I can do whatever I want
7. That's justifying nonsense I keep repeating to myself
8. Calm down
9. Okay, let's decide on a way forward and get committed
10. Let's do this

Now this conversation can stay stuck on number 5 for a very long time or it can run through to decision in a flash!

I must admit that lately I have been moving from number 3 faster, it is really a shitty place to be!
I now also look back and say hey you've made it though much more and much tougher this is a small thing, put your big girl panties on!

I have been having this conversation this week, I am on number 8, stay tuned...

Saturday, 18 June 2016

Pieces of Me

Now I'm gonna make mistakes from time to time
But in the end believe that I'm gone fly
No matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right
(These are the pieces of me)
Like every woman I know
I'm complicated fa sho'
But when I love I love til there's no love no more
(These are the pieces of me)

When you begin to love yourself- really love yourself – not hide behind lovely hairdos, perfect makeup, manicures, pedicures, designer labels and shoes
All hidden things in you, that no longer serve you, will rise to the surface to be healed
This can be a vulnerable time period, and many of us will not want to go through this phase because we are looking for an instant gratification and a quick fix
Unfortunately transformation takes time and inner persistence
Stay committed

Every obstacle you encounter has a gift and an opportunity for you to gain greater wisdom so you can learn more about yourself and expand yourself love
Get real about your fears and bring them to love to transcend them