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Friday, 3 July 2015

Walking through life feeling overwhelmed is a courage barrier.

 You can’t do your best work, be connected to yourself and others, or live your courageous life when there’s a constant, nagging undercurrent of “More to do! Not enough time!” or a sense that peace is only available…after you get past your to-do list. Kate Courageous

Life’s been kicking my ass a bit over the past few weeks. Nothing major and nothing irreversible, but some things I thought were done came undone and I suffered through a couple of days of self-pity before recognizing that I was a bit out of touch with reality.
You see, things have been going so well for so long that I’d forgotten how little control I actually have over the Uni-verse. Without even noticing, I had begun to accept good things happening as my birthright and to expect deferential treatment from a Uni-verse that may or may not even know I exist. I forgot that 99.9% of what happens is completely out of my control.
Without me, the sun comes up in the morning and the stars twinkle at night. Before I’ve even gotten out of bed in the morning, the earth has spun 1/3 of the way round its axis and six billion people have done the best they know to do to increase their happiness and mitigate their suffering.
And since I’m not in charge, I get to relax and enjoy the ride. Rather than cower in recognition of my own weakness and even helplessness in the face of forces far greater than my own, I am set free.

Thursday, 2 July 2015

Use the tools

Scarcity is a state of mind, a loop of negative thoughts rooted in fear. It stalks all of us. Not only do we fear not having enough, but we also fear not being enough. We may even fear our own perfectly Divine Self. Fear causes anxiety, and we don’t like how it makes us feel. We take action to suppress the sense that something’s not quite right. Whether we prefer shopping, eating, drinking, smoking, or fighting, our “drug of choice” numbs our physical or emotional pain and the nagging we feel inside. We find temporary relief and mistake it for happiness. But the absence of pain doesn’t equal joy.  Juilana Park

On the journey, I use a number of tools, I know that I need them. These tools sometimes dig me out of holes, help in pulling me up out of the valley, inspire me, make me laugh, slap me back into reality and sometimes just sit with me and keep me company as I move along. And so, one of my tools is the work of Juliana Park. She came up with a lovely methodology called the Abundance Loop. When I am falling into my pit of doubt of whether the self employed path ought to be continued I go to Juliana. Why? to remind myself that fear causes anxiety and that scarcity is a state of mind, to continue to press on and believe that this too shall pass. 
What a wonderful thing it is to have tools and even better is to use them, there are so many tools around and quite a few of us feel that we can do everything all alone! That my dear friend, is a very tough journey and quite unnecessary! Use the tools, make the journey exciting and simple and get your ego out of the way! We really are all in the same boat! There is nothing wrong with you, it's life!  


Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Just be all right with it!

In all relationships, regardless of their nature, there comes a time when you understand that there are some things you will never understand. 
When you are standing in that moment, just be all right with it (Iyanla Vanzant)

Over the past few days my sister from another mother and I have been having a major difference of opinions. That may seem normal as we are both different individuals however, in my case, I have learnt that conflict is something I run from like Usain Bolt and there is still the residual of the whole people pleasing gene that I am getting rid up that flares up ever so often.
So, we each said our piece, she was mad as hell, spitting fire and I just could not wrap my head around why she was so angry at what seemed to me as a perfectly normal conversation and opinion we had been having for the past few weeks.

I kept asking myself  "What is the lesson here?"

In life, certain people will impersonate understanding, they will smile at you. They will assure you that everything is just fine, They may even say yes I understand. Yet when the moment comes for a demonstration of understanding all hell breaks loose, there is miscommunication, misinterpretation and misrepresentation.  Certain people will impersonate compassion and concern but when the moment comes to demonstrate this, what you will experience is abandonment, betrayal, rejection, neglect and insensitivity
Do not be alarmed or shocked!
Here's the thing we all have different experiences and different definitions of the same experience.
What we see, hear and do and expect in life is always based on our own personal experiences.
So knowing this now has made things so much easier for me to step back and view the situation from a different perspective instead of just wanting my way or wanting other people to understand my view, sometimes they just can't from where they are standing, what they have experienced and what they are willing to do, hear or have seen.
So, from the start, clarify what I am saying, say what I understand and what are my expectations and then be ready to let it go! Another lesson learned!


Tuesday, 30 June 2015

How about just being authentic?

When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.-- Byron Katie ( another boss teacher!!)

Acting normal everyday can be exhausting because it suggests that we are to live up to the requirements, expectations, the demands that somebody else set for you. And here’s the crazy part, we don’t even know who those people are!

How about just being authentic? 

How about just speaking your own truth and being a good listener when people share theirs? 

How about letting people know what you need when you need it instead of getting mad when you don’t get it. 

How about just being authentic? Showing up in the power, the beauty, the awesomeness that you are, not living down to anyone’s expectations, definitions, limitations, not trying to make ourselves better than anyone else? 
Why not just be authentic?

Just be YOU and share THAT with the world! 
Cause trying to be normal can just be so exhausting!
Just be YOU my friends! 
There’s only one YOU! Nayiraah Waheed says it and she was right " No one is you, and that is your power"


Monday, 29 June 2015

Your life will keep sending you experiences designed to get your attention.

I am convinced that I can change my mind and change my world - Rev Dr. Barbara King

Your life is a reflection of you. Everything that is coming at you from out there is coming to show you where work is required on yourself.
As you shake your head no and point at all the people you can blame for what is going on with you, you miss another divine opportunity to examine what is really on within you.
Until you are willing to accept total and complete responsibility for every aspect of your life, your life will keep sending you experiences designed to get your attention.

It can be difficult to acknowledge your role in the annoying little messes and great big disasters in your life. No one likes to take the blame
Quite often we confuse accepting responsibility for bearing the blame. When you are the one to blame, it means you are somehow at fault - and must be punished. To avoid punishment, we look for someone else to put the blame on. In doing so we miss an opportunity for self-correction
Rather than looking for someone to blame, think about who is responsible
Accepting responsibility means examining the choices made
A choice is usually made in reaction or response to some sort of stimulation.
The outcome reveals what kind of choice was made
When you are trying to escape blame and punishment, the outcome will lead you to speak about others.
When you are willing to accept responsibility for your choices, the outcome leads you to self-evaluation and self-correction

Saturday, 27 June 2015

Being wrong is not the end of the world

Being wrong is not the end of the world - Terry McMillan

Have you ever been called out on your "stuff"? Most times we start getting defensive and annoyed and start making excuses and reasons, well let me say most time I would start to get defensive and annoyed and start making excuses and reasons, let me not speak on your behalf, you know what you do! And sometimes I may break out in a smirk or smile like oops, busted! When I was growing up, being wrong involved punishment, so as an adult as soon as I see it coming I go back there. Now no one taught me at the time that the world will not end if I did something wrong or made a mistake, that is wasn't that I was wrong or I was a mistake. Totally different thing!
Ego tripping shifts us to the fact that we don't want to be wrong, or look bad.

Learn from it and move on! It really is not the end of the world, life goes on. Yup, simple as that!

Friday, 26 June 2015

You don't get the vision alone

FIRST you commit to something that lights you up, pulls you forward, truly inspires you — the career, a relationship, a project (and YOU can be that improvement project, by the way.) And then it’s so much easier to embrace the heavy lifting required. When you’re doing the hard work in the context of joy and commitment, you tend to bitch way less about doing what it takes. So! Joy first, then the sweat is a pleasure. Danielle La Porte

One of my prayers on the journey is to go for the joy and not do projects or jobs only for the money. I have learnt that when I do things only for the money it makes me feel yucky, it sends a signal to the Universe that I am in fear and doubt. I can slip into the yuk pretty easily, especially now as I am working for myself! 

The thing I've learnt is go hard, all in, get the lessons and adjust as you go. The choice of doing something other than for your vision, goals, health, objectives will leave one frustrated, ill and angry. Of course you know when you are making excuses like "I'm doing it because I have bills or I am doing it for the kids. Are you living your own life or someone else's? What would my boyfriend/husband/father/mother/sister/friends think if I do this? No way let me just continue dying inside to have them happy! Yea, makes a lot of sense right? 

As my friend Debra says, you don't get the vision without the provision, you got to dig for it.

Thursday, 25 June 2015

Love has no secrets

Love wishes to be known completely understood and shared. It has no secrets; nothing that it would keep apart and hide. It walks in sunlight, open-eyed and calm, in smiling welcome and in sincerity so simple and so obvious it cannot be misunderstood.  Love has no darkened temples where mysteries are kept obscure and hidden from the sun. It does not seek for power, but for relationships. ACIM
On a rainy Manchester afternoon (that actually was the norm) so maybe I ought to say on a normal Manchester afternoon, I was having a coffee with my professor. As part of my programme we had to meet once a week to discuss my progress and keep on top of my thesis. I looked forward to these chats, I take my life lessons from anywhere, you may know this by now.
As we were taking she asked me if I loved working with women or loved the work I am doing on my programme. I hesitated on the second one. After the shop talk, we started talking about relationships and as academics do she wanted to draw a thesis about love in relationships and loving one's work on their thesis. She said to me, I have the firm belief that if you have to keep whatever it is a secret or lie about it then it's not love, simple!
Well there you go! Secrets, some you believe may be needed, love ain't one of them, Many secrets lead to lies! George Orwell said it and I would like to say that I am totally on board with him, if you want to keep a secret you must also hide from yourself!
90% of the time secrets are born from fear, shame and guilt. Hell maybe even 95%
How can you feel love and keep that a secret? Be in love and keep it a secret? It just doesn't add up! So next time someone you "love" asks you to keep a secret ask yourself is this really love? 

Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Affirm: I am health

Wellness and the state of being healthy becomes a personal goal maintained by personal mantras and fuelled by personal beliefs. And I for one don’t have a problem with that. In fact, I may possibly prefer it, as this wellness is a self determined wellness. This is a state of being healthy that is beyond trend and fad and buzzword. This wellness is self aligning and ancestrally defining. It is the product of an implosion of internal interactions, initiating inner-standing and self centering communication. Mummy always said, if you can’t hear, then you must feel. And this is the truth. If one cannot listen to the messages of the mind, body and soul, then one will simply have to feel what it is, that is attempting to be communicated. Natalie Stewart

One of my favorite ladies, Lisa, said last year that it was time for her to be healthy, and she was committed to it. Now Lisa to me was healthy, she had gained some weight but she was carrying it well! But what she said resonated with me, she said the weight was brought about soley by her thoughts about her self. She called it the inner workout, listening to her body and paying attention to her feelings, she said "I didn't lose weight because I don't plan on ever finding it again" Lisa lost 50 pounds (who knew she had 50 pounds to lose? I sure didn't!) in 3 months by simple exercising, eating less and paying attention to her feelings, then taking the appropriate action. She looks super fantastic, confident and full of life.
I  was inspired by the approach. Inner and outer alignment, paying attention to feelings and taking action, being gentle with yourself when you fall off the wagon.
and most importantly letting go of everything toxic, inner and outer!
Thank you Lisa for sharing your journey.