The Illusion of Control and the Quiet Return to Safety
Affirmation: I honour my balance, my breath, my becoming.
I was scrolling through Instagram the other day—half curious, half distracted—when a post by The Q School stopped me in my tracks. It said:
“People pleasing is controlling.
Micromanaging is controlling.
Being a workaholic is controlling.
Constant dieting is controlling.”
Hmmm. I paused. Let it land.
Because society rewards us for all of those things, doesn’t it?
For being “nice.” For being thin. For working hard. For being meticulous.
We get applause for the very habits that, when out of balance, become cages.
And here we are.
Anything out of balance will fall down eventually. That’s not judgment—it’s gravity.
After sitting with it, I realized why it resonated so deeply.
Control, in many forms, is a kind of self-protection.
It’s the armor we learned to wear early—some of us before we even had words.
Depending on our histories, our cultures, our families, we learned to stay safe by staying in control.
And over time, that armor became personality.
It became the way we moved through the world.
It became the way we were praised.
But here’s the thing:
So many of us were shamed out of our natural expressions.
Out of curiosity. Out of anger. Out of softness. Out of loudness.
Out of femininity, masculinity, sexuality, creativity, tenderness.
Out of being weird. Out of being quiet. Out of being vocal.
So we learned to control what felt unsafe to express.
We learned to shrink, to perfect, to overwork, to overthink.
We learned to please, to perform, to plan every detail.
And now, as grown folks trying to live rooted and whole, we’re being asked to unlearn
To release control where it’s no longer needed.
To trust that we are safe now.
To remind ourselves—gently, daily—that we are not in that situation anymore.
Sometimes it’s a whisper:
“You’re okay. You’re not back there. You’re here now.”
Sometimes it’s a practice:
A breath. A pause. A walk. A journal page.
So today I ask myself—and maybe you too:
What can I do to remind myself that I am safe?
What helps me stay balanced when the old urge to control creeps in?
Can I notice when I’m using control as a shield, even when there’s no danger?
This isn’t about shame. It’s about awareness.
It’s about grace.
It’s about choosing presence over protection.
Because safety isn’t just the absence of danger.
It’s the presence of self.
Peace
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