The Need for Control

 

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was this:

“Even when a situation feels out of your control, it doesn’t mean that it is out of control.”

For a long time, I didn’t understand that. I equated me being in control with me being safe. Control became my shield, my strategy, my habit. And like all habits—especially the ones that feel familiar—it became comfortable, even when it wasn’t serving me.

What I’ve learned is that control is often an illusion. The real challenge isn’t the situation itself; it’s the moment when I am safe but my mind insists that I’m not. That’s when I make decisions that don’t serve me or anyone else. That’s when I react instead of respond. That’s when I try to win, prove, shrink, judge, or force an outcome.

So I’ve been learning to find the balance.

Lately, I’ve started asking myself a simple set of questions:

• Am I safe?

• Am I present?

• Am I making this decision from the moment I’m in—or from fear, ego, habit, or old stories?

With practice, this check‑in takes less than a minute. It interrupts the autopilot. It brings me back to myself.

Humans are creatures of habit. We gravitate toward what feels easy and familiar, even when it costs us. My relationship with control was exactly that: a comfortable pattern that convinced me I was protected, right, winning. But it was only the illusion of safety.

So now, I’m practicing something different.

I’m practicing surrender.

Not the passive kind. Not the “give up” kind.

The kind that says: Do your best. Be present. Then let it go.

And I’ll be honest—surrender has not been easy for me. Whoever said it was simple has not lived in my skin. But it has been liberating. It has been humbling. It has been a teacher.

My new habits look like this:

• Be present.

• Ask myself if I’m safe.

• Do my best.

• Surrender the rest.

• Stop giving advice unless asked.

• Stop wanting others to do things my way.

• Stop judging.

• Stop needing to win at all costs.

This is the work.

This is the unlearning.

This is the freedom.

Peace and Blessings