What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

A woman always knows what she needs to know. Unfortunately, her knowing is often buried beneath a thought, feeling, habit, perception, facade, situation, or the simple unwillingness to acknowledge herself, her power and, therein, her knowing.  When a woman is not willing to admit that she knows what she knows, she will attract people who are willing to support her in remaining ignorant so, that she can be used, manipulated, betrayed, dishonored, and left bleeding at the side of the road.  More important, when a woman doesn’t believe that she knows, she will create situations and circumstances to prove how dumb, helpless, dysfunctional, broken, battered, wounded, hopeless, and stupid she believes she is. Of course, this behavior is not a conscious activity. It is habitual. It is a conditioned response. It is the basis of the pain in nearly every woman’s heart. It is a function of refusing to know. Iyanla  One of favourite things to do in this world is sit aro...

Maybe you’re just kind of weird in a world that rewards “normal”. Too woo woo in a very linear, narrow-sighted culture. You’re doing all the good, metaphysical, motivational work but you feel like there’s a veil between you and what you really want to manifest, and if you get it, you don't get to keep it. Erase erase. That’s the subtle but very toxic Lie of Inadequacy telling you that you’re here and what you want is way over there, on the “right” side of it all. DLP Why are we afraid to speak our truth? to share the stories, the lessons on our journey's? I even ask myself the same question What stops us from speaking up? From making a decision? From setting boundaries? It all boils down to fear Fear of losing Losing the job, the friend, the relationship, the money, the respect Funnily enough, it happens anyway, because one cannot pretend foreever, there will come a time with you have to tell the radical truth. There will come a time when the fear will not be enou...

Begin where you are, with what you have.   When you start a workout, a trainer will tell you, "If you can't touch your toes, reach for your knees. If you can't reach your knees, go for your hips." Iyanla Today the NiNa Programme launched at a secondary (high) school making this it's 6th year in existence! Who knew? I am pants at keeping count, I don't even keep track of my own age, today Avinash, the teacher attached to the programme mentioned it in his introduction and I just had to say wow! This programme was one of my life saving tools, in the midst of a seeming life crisis. Fired, no cash, feeling totally alone (by choice, because I did not ask for help) I said, heck I have nothing to lose so why the hell not, I am starting this. It was a leap of faith, I called a few of my friends, I wanted an advisory panel, we met at an office in the South of the Island and talked about how it can be rolled out,  Started with an idea and a will, nothing else, not e...

Who you Are Matters What You Do Matters because you have a life in your hand Even you mistakes matter -Iyanla It is always good to remind ourselves that we are not as Marianne Willamson says "enlightened masters" we are on a journey and sometimes we may go off course due to a variety of reasons. That does not say that we are "bad people" or something is wrong with us, that we cannot make mistakes and recover from them We matter! We have a role in this world to be ourselves, to learn from our mistakes, to love and to love the lessons What happens is we get stuck in a holding pattern We make a mistake or a poor choice or something happens that throws us off the Course we thing we ought to be on and we freeze, we start having these negative self conversations which spirals into a feeling of not enoughness, and we all know that not enoughness will mash you up! So remember in those moments that even though you walk down the path of poor choices, mistakes, and...

You do not recognize the enormous waste of energy you expend in denying truth ACIM The truth needs no defence, it is undeniable, they say the truth hurts and perhaps it does. I want to say what hurts more is the denial of the truth and acting on illusions. The truth opens doors, it propels you forward. It is the great leveller Think of all the times you have been living a lie by denying yourself, by giving your friends stories, making them up, by not living your best life. When you finally face it the releif is so overwhelming, the relief so out does the fear! We all want to be liked, accepted and favoured, those are the reasons that we usually go through life denying our truth, denying the truth.but the old cliche applies - the truth will set you free. Whatever your truth is, live it, look at all the people who are peaceful and doing their lives in a positive way, they are living their truth, being themselves unapologetically. They are living out loud! Get over the fea...

Accept the fact that you are Divine - Iyanla The whole concept of "who are you?" is one that still fascinates me for many a reason includeing that we hardly ever contemplate it as a serious question and accept the definition of ourselves from our parents and sociaety, that knowing who we are is critical in making decisions that honor who we are and that knowing it provides a solid platform and foundation upon which to build. My story of finding out is well documented and told- I was "forced" to contemplate it in a corner in a place in Northern Uganda on the spot, with many eyes upon me. I was told that nothing moves until I know and say out loud who I was with pride and confidence- a seminal moment in the shift of my own living I sometimes forget who I am, because really remembering who I am holds me accountable and involves busting out comfort zones, unlearning patterns, questionuing norms and at times being darn uncomfortable. But all that never changees w...

If you think you’re defective or in need of fixing (which is the biggest lie of all), you will most definitely attract lovers, teachers, preachers, and politicians who want to so-called “love” you, and “fix” you, and “lead” you Danielle La Porte Have you ever asked yourself or maybe even asked others "What the hell is wrong with me? why do I continue to make the same mistakes?" We turn around and realise that we are doing the same things in the same place many times with the same people, then we get to the point where we are asking"what the hell is wrong with me?" Well my lovies, I have learnt that there is nothing wrong! Yes, catch that! there is nothing wrong, it is basically a combination of not willing to do the work and making the same choices over and over again, so here's the thing. Make another choice, get another idea and know this, when you do there is work to be done to put it in place Are you willing to do the work? Make another choice ab...

Lighten up your enlightenment.   Transformation doesn't have to be deep, dark, and mysterious. If you screw up, fine—laugh at yourself, learn, and move on. Iyanla Laugh at it, laugh at the stuation, find the humour. It ain't all that serious, really it isn't! Think about all of the seemingly embarassing moments you've had - sometimes that shit is funny! Lighten up Fun is important as we grow, we are gonna cock up, it teaches us humilty, it imcreases our self esteem , nothing small would get us out of sync So go ahead, laugh, have fun and know that the next time will be better Peace Please support this project that I am involved in to assist in the training of 6 young women from South Africa  https://www.globalgiving.org/projects/train-6-young-female-leaders-in-south-africa/

While burying negative or uncomfortable feelings can numb the pain, it also may inevitably dull your ability to experience your more positive and pleasurable feelings. You may find yourself afraid to open up in the future for fear of getting hurt. The feelings we deny aren’t limited to anger and sadness. Suppressing our happiness or excitement can be just as unhealthy. In learning how to express your intense emotions in a healthy way, you are giving yourself the freedom to fully experience the more joyful emotions that come with being alive. The old me would leave it to fester, to bury it in the bowels far far away This me, I write it out, cry, do some exercise, talk a little more The old me would say nothing to be liked and avoid "seeming conflict" This me would say something as kindly as I can The old me may have not taken responsibility or find blame This me has decided that it's all me, I am responsible for my life The old me would not even be wrting...

You are the creator of your own reality, and so you are not in jeopardy. You do not need to control the behaviour of others in order for you to thrive. Your attention to things that you think they do keeps you from thriving is, in fact, what keeps you from thriving. It is not what they do to you; its what you do to you in fear of what you think that they will do to you Abraham. I was having a conversation with someone I consider a friend, someone who I admire their resilience, discipline, focus and committment to making their life better despite their circumstance. I usually like chatting with my friend, as well as the odd hanging out, shooting the breeze, talking and laughing sharing ideas.  I spoke to my friend last week and thought to myself that the response was a bit short so I asked if there was a problem, the response was that "I am at work, so cannot talk, have a good day" I accepted that and moved on noting to chat later. I reached out to my friend over the wee...

Here's the thing...It's natural to feel weird and want out. And it's normal to strive for joy and joy and joy. Without realizing you  are  joy . Maxie Mccoy Think about that time you  knew  that person for you, wasn't right. Maybe it was a lover or a good friend. You knew deep down there were some red flags. You saw them but pushed them off. All the signs, all the feelings in your bones, pointed to  get out now . But you didn't.  Then there were more clear messages. But you ignored. Until finally you're facing a giant and massive brick wall that feels like an utter crisis to get through. Shoulda listened to the murmur in the beginning that told you something about this isn't right. We get those messages  all  the time. But sometimes we're not listening. Sometimes we don't want to: because it'll require a tough conversation. Because it'll require forgoing 'safety.'  Because it'll require an unknown.  Because it d...

On the journey to self-trust, trying to prove something never works. Either you know, believe and trust that you can do a thing and you do it, or you don't believe you can do it, force yourself to work on getting it done and then sabotage it. Iyanla Unveiling 2017 - Looking into the Mirror of Self ended yesterday. It went wildy beyond my expectations, the love, the connection, the laughter, the flow- I did not even anticipate that the outcome would be this moving The team that put this together are some courageous, dynamic, supportive, loving and kind women, I love them all and today sit in gratitude of what they were able to do with limited resources and some of my own self doubt thrown in The venue was fabulous, the peace and tranquility, the comfort, the scenery.  I sit today in gratitude Lessons on the Journey 1. Show up, as yourself 2. Be Kind, always 3. Listen  4. Gratitude is the greatest multiplier 5. Go thru hard even when feeling the fear 6. Ask fo...

Getting tackled by the other team doesn’t necessarily mean you're weak or that you made a wrong move. It means you’re in the game, not on the sidelines. If you’re playing full on, you’re going to take some hits. Take it like the light warrior that you are. Rely on your team. And get back up and run farther, even faster. DLP This weekend will be a first, if the team around me did not volunteer to be on board, this would never happen. I am forever grateful Level up the team around you, level it up! Level up the love, the gratitude, the support, the authenticity Level up means support your team, support your friends, when they have a dream, a goal, Level up means when you have a dream and a goal and the ones around you are salty, be courageous to to recognise that you may have to get another crew because just maybe you have outgrown this one and if you don't the Universe is self correcting and would do ehat it has to do to ensure that you level up, that may not be pr...

I think there is a lot you learn from what has happened to you, what you have had to confront, not how many books you have read about leadership, not how peaceful the environment you have grown up in. Those difficulties, that kind of a situation I think explains the conditions you are operating under or things you face, if you have made the choice to deal with it  Paul Kigame One of my friends says many times that the proof is in the pudding, not being one to fancy pudding I always chuckled at it and responded that I guess I will not be finding the proof because I will not touch the stuff. Stale jokes to really make the seriousness of a matter lighter Nothing beats experience, nothing beats going in and taking action, going through the fire. Nothing The books, the courses, the YouTube vidoes, the Internet and social media will provide information and guidance however, the experience of putting it into the action trumps it all.  The choices you make, the reactions tha...

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?" - Buddha The old proverb says action speaks louder than words.  Words alone cannot make dreams realise Words alone cannot make you write the book, sing the song, get the degree, paint the picture, play the instrument, words alone will just not do it You got to move yourself, do the thing, get off your but, literally and in your vocabulary. All the "buts" that are in your way. Words are part of the puzzle, you must speak it into being does not mean just say it and it will manifest, some work on it is involved, some self belief, some movement, its a combo! Order up your combo and wait for the dreams to manifest Peace

This need not Be  ACIM One of the beautiful things I love about  A Course in Miracles(ACIM) is its simplicity. The Course talks about the power of our mind, and how much we misuse its power especially by   1. not forgiving, especially ourselves and  2.judging others.  From the actions of non forgiveness and judging we project our guilt onto others and we also punish ourselves through the choices we make.  Guilt demands punishment and so we make choices where we punish ourselves. The Course says simply - this need not be.  Start simply by saying that to yourself in a moment where you have made a choice which leaves you with no peace.  When you are constantly sad, know that - This need not be  When you are  constantly anxious and afraid know that - This need not be When you  constantly feel guilty know that - This need not be A simple statement, said with belief starts a shift This need not be Give it ...

Making mistakes is a sign of growth; of trying something brand new, or so unusual that you don’t recognize it. There can never be growth without trying something new -- there cannot be growth without mistakes. Making mistakes is rewarded by nature, it’s the elimination of possibilities on the road to accomplishment Guru Singh Raise your hand, right up if you believe in growth?  Newsflash - if you do and is willing to grow guess what, you are going to make mistakes, things may turn out completely different to what is in your mind. So, if you are afraid, ashamed, unwilling, don't want to rock any boats and maintain the status quo, guess what, there will be no growth Apply this to everything! Every.single.thing Diet Exercise Jobs Opening a Business Writing a Book and I can continue listing Shifting a gear, moving to another level requires a change of mindset, a change of action, a self belief, the belief that you may just look "stoopid"  drop...

In order to raise our vibrations and access the truth of our being we will need to “feel” our way through this process not “think” our way through it.  Sabrina Reber Surrender refers to a state of physical, mental, and emotional inaction which provides an energetic opening which facilitates Divine Presence and activity. Surrender refers to the yielding or giving over of self, desires, intentions and outcomes which is not equivalent to disinterest.   Rather, surrender is a state of detachment from the details and controlling the details related to how the outcome must or will unfold. It is a state of neutrality which allows events to unfold without limitation, judgment or resistance. Surrender is the active state of remembrance that there is a divine law and order to activities and events. As a state of consciousness and being, surrender means being flexible, willing and open to the flow, influence, energy and power of Divine Presence. In the realm of...

It is your moral duty to be happy Neale Donald Walsh Yesterday was one of those days, you know the type where you have to pull out all of the lessons out of the tool kit, where you want to cuss out someone then cry in the car but know that maybe that the cussing in public might not end up very well for anyone! Where you put on some music in the car after and sing like you're winning. Ever had one of those days? As I was preparing for bed, I looked back on the day and thought, heck, let's choose 2 things that bring me joy and make me smile and focus on that, and would you know, I came up with a list, by the end of it I was chuckling at some of the memories associated with them and at the randomness of it all Lesson: look for the light, and.... know what brings you joy So here are some of the things that bring a smile to my face, a joy to my heart and a passion to my being I call it my JoyList 1.  Watching Arsenal Football Club play - if it's live even better,...

if it's not the worst thing, then don't act like it is just because it wasn't your exact plan or timeline. Most times curveballs aren't the worst. They're simply a changeup you didn't see coming. Maxie McCoy I did not see it coming. The expectations were high, this project will help in defining me in my own mind, in my growth and evolution, of shifting out of my comfort zone. I had a picture of how exactly I wanted it to look. Well truth be told, it is not looking as I want it to look - not at all Lesson Number One - control - you just don't know what is going to happen tomorrow - expect the unexpected and handle it.  Surrender in this case means do the work and leave the rest, trust and believe. The thing morphed into something else - something that I did not envision- so I had a choice. Resist or Flex. Lesson Number Two - Resistance is an absolute waste of time and energy, save the energy for the flex.Its much more fun The stress levels were dif...

Look around and notice possibility is everywhere - Maya Angelou I love me some Maya Angelou, she represents to me a demonstration that everything that happens in our lives we can use positively. Her life was a testament that excuses are non! whatever has happened to us we can use it in some way for the elevation of yourself and those around you I listen to her voice and it comes in my head when I want to give up "be a blessing to somebody, be a rainbow in someone else's cloud and see how you move forward" and I did that. as small as it is, a kind word, a smile. sometimes even silence, just listening. Can you imagine if we all did that? In our own small way, every little bit adds up.  when we get caught up in our own lives complaining about small things, be a blessing to somebody, when the ego takes over, be a rainbow in a cloud when we get trials, turn them into triumps, look them in the eye and see the possibilites because its all about perspective Peace ...

“When you do not trust yourself, what you feel, and what you know, you will expect people to be who they are not. You will hope against hope that they will do things you already know they cannot do. You will expect them to be who you want them to be rather than trusting what you know about who they are and what they are capable of doing. This is not trust. This is magical thinking, and engaging in it will set you up for a big letdown. Trusting yourself is important when dealing with others because it protects you from repeated violations and devastating heartbreaks.”  Iyanla The first place you have to put trust in is you trusting how resilient you are trusting that you are more resilient than you think you are resilient - the ability to withstand and bounceback with lessons in tow We tend to think "we cannot survive it" We tend to think "we cannot afford it" We tend to think "we can wait until the right moment" (newsflash there is no right mom...

Massive action = massive results Tony Robbins As we sat in the restaurant with the young ladies celebrating nothing but being alive and the ability to break bread together my mind wandered on how I got here, I thought about whether I would be able to do this for some young ladies in the future- this meaning have the financial ability to take 12 young ladies to one of the best restaurants in the city and celebrate them. The ability to make my Foundation sustainable, the ability to contribute both financially and emotionally to the lives that I want to touch.  Confessions on the Journey - I was a little depressed for about an hour. Really! Truly!  Why? The fear of risk and losing outweighed the expectations I set for myself based on the past Well, Well, Well - Awareness is a first step The wonderful thing is that the past is gone! poof! this is now and I get to choose So what will it be? Massive action to achieve some Massive goals- this is the beginning, as n...

treat the situation like a plane crash: Leave everything behind and get out. This tactic may also be necessary in relationships with people who are too wounded, addicted, or emotionally inaccessible to reciprocate your feelings. You can save yourself enormous pain by acknowledging the plain hard truth that some people can’t really love you. Martha Beck There are some people I am putting the caution tape around.....right now! It's really okay to love some people from afar, our responsibility is to show up with no judgement and compassion and in love. It is very easy to get caught up in the ego and wanting them to do better but what is the intention behind it, helping can easily turn into co-dependency and enabling and ego stroking What is your intention behind what you are doing? If it is guilt- get the caution tape out- for both parties - you and them If it is "they should know better" - caution tape time If it is shame - start unrolling the tape If it's e...