If it costs your peace it's too expensive.

 If it costs your peace it's too expensive.

During the pandemic, the front lawn was turned into a garden with sweet potatoes, herbs and corn and a few other plants that were easy to maintain. The homeowner's association decided after their meeting that planting a garden was breaking the rules - only lawn grass permitted in common areas and some of the garden flowed into the common area. They sent someone to cut it down. I protested. Who would destroy a food garden in a pandemic given the fact that food security was being questioned. Who in their right mind thought that a garden was "ugly" I made all types and sort of pronouncements, judgements and even accusations.

This back and forth went on for a few months and I resisted them getting rid of the garden. Why? I felt that the approach was wrong, highhanded and disrespectful.

Yesterday they came and flattened the entire garden, everything was destroyed. I came in just as they were putting the last bits in a heap to be cart away.

I completely blew my cool. I was shouting, I was angry, I was annoyed.

In the midst of my loud outburst, I recognized that I had gotten over to them my message of annoyance and anger and the situation was descending into a tit for tat and getting personal.

Can I recover the garden? No

Can I make them see that what they were doing was wrong? No - they believed it was not wrong

Can I change anything in this moment and return to what was? No

As soon as I did that I stepped away. I wanted to do some self reflection to get the lesson - I have no idea what the lesson is as we speak, I am confident that it will come.

I do know now that I live among people who prefer pretty lawn more than food in so much so that they are happy to destroy and throw the food away.

I do know that being angry is normal, I resisted being angry for a long time.

I do know now that control is an illusion and resisting is a control vehicle

I will plant again, I know now how not to.

Peace