love isn't really love if it's not loving

  love isn't really love if it's not loving. - Stacey Herera





What does love mean to you? How do you define it? Have you even reflected on what it is, how it feels?  Confession on the Journey - when I just got married I thought love meant no arguments and no leaving, fun times and passion. I lived by that credo. Of course to be disappointed. There were times with little fun, dried up passion and differing opinions - well when he left, I thought that love was a complete waste of time! What is it anyway if all of the things I believed it was just was NOT!

Life guided me - kicking and screaming to love....myself first so I can take that love and loving to everyone else.  

With my analytical mind, at the time, I researched what love is, how is it supposed to look and feel. What I researched did not resonate at all. I read books, papers and watched documentaries to determine how and what was love in order for me to "do it right" When I surrendered to wanting to control, fix, avoid pain and make everything perfect, that feeling that I know was love came to me. 

What I learnt is self reflection started my journey towards love. I had to look within and determine how I felt, what I wanted, what brought me peace and joy. What I wanted to do when the pain and argument came first with self and others?

What would it look like for me to be more loving, even when you're triggered? Would it mean being more patient? More gentle? More present? More honest about how you're feeling? more forgiving? 

I also learnt that it was so easy to take for granted those I love, including myself. Because its familiar, because you have seen both yourself and your lover vulnerable, first thing in the morning, with the breath and all! its easy to say well they KNOW me so its a default to take it for granted and forget the love. We neglect ourselves, we eat poorly, don't rest, take nonsense from others - this is us taking love of self for granted.

No judgment. I'm a work in progress just like you, doing my best to walk my talk.

So, this is your gentle reminder to know for yourself, inside yourself 

Love is showing up and being consistent

Love is being self aware

Love is keeping your word 

Love is making time for fun and joy

Love is taking risks

Love is being authentic

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love is not arrogant or boastful

Love does not insist on its own way

Love is listening to your intuition and to your others 

Love does not delight in retribution

Love is forgiving self and others

First to self, then to others

Keep the thread going

Peace

Akosua's Books

Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?

Now What? The Flipside

What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love


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