Noticing feels so much more doable than fixing
Noticing feels so much more doable than fixing. Tending to feels so much more kind than forcing. Practicing feels so much more possible than changing. Lisa Olivera
Over the past few weeks I have been struggling with feelings of enoughness, I have been doubting myself and making up stories. So many factors contributed to these feelings such as starting a new online course - will it be good enough? supporting someone close to me through grief - am I doing enough? deciding whether I want to continue doing the work that I started a few years ago - is this in alignment with where and what I want to do now? Is it enough?
I acknowledge that doubt comes with being human, and I guess that the practice of overcoming doubt remains one that is ongoing, one that we require the right tools in order to move forward.
Confessions on the Journey - there are many times that I forget the tools and lessons that I have learnt and default to the doubt, to the reaction, to the making up stories and ignoring my intuition. I am so grateful that I have been practicing on the Journey, especially this year, on forgiving myself, on authenticity, on letting go, on courage. These have been the principles that remind me to get back to centre.
Rather than stress and terrorize myself this time around, I have been practicing the following and want to share them with you as we Journey together:
Slow down — “take some time with this thought, no reaction, no fixing, only pausing.”
Locate the unease in your body — “my stomach, my head.”
Explore the basis of your thinking — “I’m afraid I’ll let people down, which will make them leave.” I am afraid of being abandoned
Validate that experience — “It makes sense to fear abandonment, aka your core wound. Duh. Of course. It makes sense for that fear to come up quickly.”
Do a reality check — “What else could happen? What else could be true? What else might unfold? And, even if you did let people down, how might that actually be okay?”
Come back to YourSelf— “It’s okay for fear to come up, and you can also remember what is true. You don’t need to be for everyone. That isn’t your job. Your job is to do your best and be real , and let others decide what they do with it. That’s all.”
Breathe — into my stomach, into what’s true, into safety.
(please don’t think I’m able to do this with every single hard thought I ever have… it’s an ongoing imperfect practice.)
What I have learnt is that as life goes on I will come face to face with uncomfortable or challenging situations. Not because I moved past a situation using the tools that it may never come up again. in fact, the tools can be used in many different situations and practice makes masters.
Forgiveness helps!
Forgiveness of self helps when I feel scared, uncomfortable, and irresponsible.
According to Lisa, The truth is that no amount of shape-shifting will keep us safe from rejection, from being disliked, from being judged and criticized, from not being everyone’s cup of tea. No amount of molding ourselves into what we think others want us to be will keep us from not actually being that for everyone. No amount of efforting, of forcing, of dedication to performance, of acting skills, or of desire will keep us from experiencing the pain of sometimes letting people down, sometimes getting it wrong, sometimes disappointing others, and sometimes flat out becoming a bad character in someone else’s story.
The most important thing is how we respond to what is in front of us, its important to have the tools at hand.
Peace
(process created by Lisa Olivera)
Akosua's Books
Nyabo (Madam) Why Are You Here?
What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love
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