The Strength of Your Connections

Your self-love tank determines who you judge and how strongly. How you honor yourself governs the degree in which you respect others. And the depth of your own healing controls the health and strength of your connections.

 I consider myself a calm person for the most part, unruffled under most circumstances. It's something I worked on through meditation, loving myself more and learning how to respond. It is very rare that I lose my cool. I even started paying attention to my triggers so as to respond rather than react. And so, when I do lose my cool I am really disappointed in myself. I will admit I am no enlighted master nor am I perfect. I do this because this approach feels better, saves a lot of tears and friendships, as well as, keeps my ego in check
When my cool is blown I take days to recover, this is what is one of my biggest challenge

 Having said this, confessions on the journey
I lost my cool yesterday, it even got to the point of shouting ( yes I am still recovering) 
I lost my cool because I wanted  to people please 
I lost my cool because I wanted to look good 
I lost my cool because I was not authentic
I lost it because I could not understand someone else's point of view and pain
I was so frustrated at not getting it accross and not getting my way
I stood there shouting and thinking to myself - what the whole hell is going on here?
What is the lesson?
Haven't I been here before?
I felt helpless
I haven't figured out the lesson yet but I know this much, I had to apologize to everyone including myself, I still felt like yuk!
I keep asking what is the lesson, it will eventually reveal itself, in the meantime I will and intend to feel the feels, and pay attention
I may lose my friend, and so be it, I will have to deal with the consequences of that
I am interested in what I must learn to make me the best me and holding myself accountable for the part that I played in getting to this point
Peace

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