Instead of Should
We receive messages constantly that we should be somewhere else, that we’d be happier if we had more, that healing is as simple as thinking positively, that it’s all our fault and therefore all up to us to shift how we view ourselves and the world… Lisa Olivera
One of the teachers that has helped me as I journey, Ms. Iyanla Vanzant, says this quite a lot "do not should on yourself" I always wondered what it meant. She explained that when we say or believe that we "should" we judge ourselves harshly. We also should on ourselves when did not do or was supposed to do something that we did not. This self judgement leads us to punish ourselves. I still wondered about it, I confess, there was some confusion around the word and its meaning.
I decided that I would become self aware of my use of should on myself to allow for a better understanding of it. I started recognizing that when I thought I missed something, could have done something better, or made mistakes I used should. I started paying attention to how I felt when I used the word "should". Minus judgement it was useful, with judgement I felt confused, and wrong.
Today, while reading a message from Lisa Olivera, she talked about the word should, and what could we use instead. The concept became so much clearer.
She talked about should's not being truth. Like "I should know this by now" or "I should not be in this same position again" She asked what can we say "instead of should?"
Instead of Should's
Instead of shoulds, we can ask ourselves: what might I need from this?Instead of shoulds, we can approach ourselves with curiosity and openness.Instead of shoulds, we can allow ourselves to not know it all.Instead of shoulds, we can let ourselves learn new information.Instead of shoulds, we can remember we’re only human: we’re nature.Instead of shoulds, we can soften into all we don’t know.Instead of shoulds, we can give ourselves permission to be in practice forever.Instead of shoulds, we can trust we’re functioning with our own safety in mind, even when it feels dysfuntional or illogical.Instead of shoulds, we can expand our ideas of what our healing path looks like.Instead of shoulds, we can practice compassion and acceptance of what is.Instead of shoulds, we can meet ourselves exactly where we are with grace.Instead of shoulds, we can forgive ourselves for handling life imperfectly.Instead of shoulds, we can lean deeper into self-kindness.Instead of shoulds, we can let ourselves not know it all and not have it figured out.
I am practicing my instead of should muscle!
Peace
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