Difficult Conversations are...Difficult


“Learning that you can’t control the other person’s reaction, and that it can be destructive to try, can be incredibly liberating. It not only gives the other person the space to react however they need to, but also takes a huge amount of pressure off you. You will learn things about yourself based on their reaction, but if you are prepared to learn, you’ll feel free from the desperate need for their reaction to go one certain way.” Douglas Stone




Difficult conversations are for me... simply difficult. Along with conflict and conflict resolution, those areas have  been some of my biggest lessons on the journey. I believe that the challenge of facing difficult conversations and conflict stems from my  wanting to be liked and keeping the peace at all cost. What I have learnt is ignoring and denying creates more conflict and less peace in the long run. And, this is the clincher, not everyone is going to like, agree, or delight in what is happening, what decisions you make and how it unfolds.

What I have learnt in having difficult conversations and conflict resolution:

1. Make it an intention to be kind

2. Listen - with an open mind - let the other person feel heard and understood.

3. Lose the need to be in control - to convince the other person of your way

4. Be honest and authentic

5. Have respect first for self and then for the other person

6. State your boundaries to yourself and act on them

7. Remind yourself there is no perfect way.


8. Practice. Practice. Practice

Peace and Blessings

Akosua's Books





Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

30 Things I Believe

Image
What is being of service? Looking upon another human being with kindness and compassion and not judgement is a profound act of service and though such a form of service lacks for whistles and bells, this expression of “service” comes from truly understanding the power of your soul and what it means to “look upon another with eyes of grace.” Carolyn Myss 1. I believe in sleep 2. I believe that love can cure it all  3. I believe in feeling my feelings 4. I believe that nature is my best teacher 5. I believe that friends are family minus blood lines 6. I believe that discipline and consistency combined with talent  can and will can create miracles 7. I believe in following my intuition 8. I believe that rest is part of the Journey 9. I believe in that all things are lessons that God will have us learn 10. I believe in choosing the people around you with care 11. I believe that vacations can reboot creativity  12. I believe in joy - doing what brings you joy - and often 13
Read more

What Does Support Look Like to You?

Image
  You save yourself energy when you learn to ask people what they need, instead of assuming you know best then acting on your own impulses. Allowing people to define what support looks like gives you an ability to assess if you have the capacity to show up - Minaa B If someone asks you right now, what does support look like to you, what would be your answer? It takes self reflection , self awareness and more importantly a whole load of authenticity to answer. On the flip side, do you rush to support others without them even asking- there may be times when that is required, however many a time we assume that we know what others want and need. The times when we do assume, after a while a feeling of resentment builds because "how could they be so ungrateful?" or "why are they not seeing their need for my help?" the other classic is "they must need my help to show them because they clearly are not seeing that they need support" We continue to assume what othe
Read more

Sensible Optimism

Image
  Optimism is usually defined as a belief that things will go well. But that's incomplete. Sensible optimism is a belief that the odds are in your favor, and over time things will balance out to a good outcome even if what happens in between is filled with misery. And in fact you  know  it will be filled with misery. You can be optimistic that the long-term growth trajectory is up and to the right, but equally sure that the road between now and then is filled with landmines, and always will be. Those two things are not mutually exclusive." Who told us that all the roads on the Journey of life will be smooth and bump free? And even if you knew or remember who told you, why did you believe it given what you know? What if the blessing, what if the growth, what if the joy is found on the rocky bumpy road? What if? And if it is, we can rest easier that the bumps and rocky roads are designed with us in mind, designed for us to grow, to learn, to live a life that is filled with varie
Read more