Not Every Decision Needs a Decision
Sharing a post from Maxie McCoy
On my way to Accra Ghana- a couple of days travel, so, will vibes y'all on the flip side with all the lessons
Peace!
I’m the queen of this. I will blow things up, sometimes prematurely, sometimes with force, sometimes with risk, so that I know. Or at least, that’s what I thought I was doing at the time. I was simply getting the answer sooner. I was seeing the light quicker. Why waste my time? Why not just KNOW? It shows up in forcing conversations. In asking pushy questions. In showing up at their door in another country, unannounced. In expediting answers.
But what I see when I look back on all of that is not wisdom and confidence in facing the truth, but a desperation for certainty. I was forcing clarity (yes, clarity can be forced). And while I may have received those things – clarity & certainty – in one way, that’s just that, they were in one way – my way. There wasn’t much space for the magic of time, or the respect of another person’s process.
Do we need to do that? Do decisions need to be decided? Sometimes, but I believe not always. Because situations can change. Because people can evolve. Because we grow. So, if we cling to getting an answer, now – we may sure as hell get one, but it’s most likely the answer that comes from an answer’s sake. Rather than sitting in the situation, wading through the commitment, and seeing what insights we can get from sitting in it, rather than from running in a specific direction because of it.
Not everything has to be a decision right then and there. Not every choice is meant to be made now. Not every direction is agreed upon.
And here’s why. Because often we’re making that decision we’re clinging to… to try and avoid future pain. To avoid uncertainty. To try and play our cards right now to win the game seven hands out. If we do that, sure, it’ll give clarity for right now because we’ll have avoided the possibility of what happens then. But we also miss the possibility of what happens then. We might win big! We might not. But if we don’t sit in the simmer, because we’re not sure where or how it’s all going, then we rob ourselves of either potential outcome.
Have you read any of Akosua's work?
On my way to Accra Ghana- a couple of days travel, so, will vibes y'all on the flip side with all the lessons
Peace!
I’m the queen of this. I will blow things up, sometimes prematurely, sometimes with force, sometimes with risk, so that I know. Or at least, that’s what I thought I was doing at the time. I was simply getting the answer sooner. I was seeing the light quicker. Why waste my time? Why not just KNOW? It shows up in forcing conversations. In asking pushy questions. In showing up at their door in another country, unannounced. In expediting answers.
But what I see when I look back on all of that is not wisdom and confidence in facing the truth, but a desperation for certainty. I was forcing clarity (yes, clarity can be forced). And while I may have received those things – clarity & certainty – in one way, that’s just that, they were in one way – my way. There wasn’t much space for the magic of time, or the respect of another person’s process.
Do we need to do that? Do decisions need to be decided? Sometimes, but I believe not always. Because situations can change. Because people can evolve. Because we grow. So, if we cling to getting an answer, now – we may sure as hell get one, but it’s most likely the answer that comes from an answer’s sake. Rather than sitting in the situation, wading through the commitment, and seeing what insights we can get from sitting in it, rather than from running in a specific direction because of it.
Not everything has to be a decision right then and there. Not every choice is meant to be made now. Not every direction is agreed upon.
And here’s why. Because often we’re making that decision we’re clinging to… to try and avoid future pain. To avoid uncertainty. To try and play our cards right now to win the game seven hands out. If we do that, sure, it’ll give clarity for right now because we’ll have avoided the possibility of what happens then. But we also miss the possibility of what happens then. We might win big! We might not. But if we don’t sit in the simmer, because we’re not sure where or how it’s all going, then we rob ourselves of either potential outcome.
Have you read any of Akosua's work?
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