Family Histories

disentangling yourself from what you've inherited requires mess. it requires chaos. it requires darkness. it also requires acceptance. it requires your intention. it requires your softest + strongest presence. Olivia Jade



On Friday I drove to the South of the Island to visit my grandmoother, she lives just over an hour away from me, I must admit that over the past few months both with the Rona and restrictions I have not seen much of her.
Growing up I thought she was a goddess, she dressed like one, smoked Benson and Hedges and took me to places where we ate sandwiches after speeches were made. In my eyes she could do no wrong.
When I was grown I started to question some of her decisions - of course not knowing the full and entire story. I put in my two cents in and made some judgements about her rationale for making those decisions, when I did that I decided to pull away from her a bit, my expectations were shattered and I was mad as hell!
When I started becoming more aware, I realised that I had expectations of perfection from her and she was only human. I let go the expectations of perfections and decided to accept. I would  now look forward to spending the time with her on the kitchen table while she made me my favourite dish. It bacame a ritual of sorts.
Now that she is near 89 years old, still vibrant, I see her less mainly due to me not liking to drive over an hour  when I have free time.  We rarely have those kitchen table rituals.
When I saw her on Friday I told myself I must make a better effort to see her more often.
As we were chatting on Friday she presented me with  two books and causually said- the second book has my writings!
Your writings?
Yes, I have been writing for decades.
I opened the book and in the neatest of had written pages were sayings and poems about life, living and her experiences that she had been writing for years. I shut the book immediately becoming overwhelmed by emotion. 
Thank you was all I managed to say in the moment.
When I got back home I opened the book and started reading, tears came to my eyes
I have written 3 books and to me, there were no other writers in the family - well look at how I had incorrect information!
There has been a writer and a speaker in the family all along.
Give thanks for this knowledge and for the ability to receive this gift.
Funny how many things we take for granted and not know right in our own families and communities.

Peace

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