What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

What you want might make you cry What you need might pass you by If you don't catch it  And what you need ironically Will turn out what you want to be If you just let it  Lauren Hill I am preparing to hit New Orleans tomorrow, looking forward to it for a number of reasons, to refill my spiritual cup, to spend some time with my family and to be among my peers, people speaking the same language and understanding my own path as they walk along similar ones. I have a packed few days filled with workshops facilitated by some of the best writers, spiritual coaches, life coaches, and others who are willing to share their stories. And then there is a little bit of partying after- gotta keep the balance! The party with a purpose they call it I am willing myself better, I am showing up, open mind and willing spirit. Catch you on the other side Peace

 ACIM As you shake your head No and point at all the people you can blame for what is going on with you, you miss another divine opportunity to examine what is really going on within you Until you are willing to accept total and complete responsibility for your life, your life will keep sending you experiences designed to get your attention"  I would read this every day a few years ago, to remind myself to take responsibility for me rather than looking for someone to blame and outsourcing my happiness I would recite it in the morning out loud, in front the mirror because when I look into my eyes I know there is nothing worse than breaking a committment to me I was reminded of it today, by chance - awww no not at all- there is no chance I have been stressing out for the past few weeks, I have been worrying, I have been blaming and outsourcing my responsibility and life sent me an experience. I got ill! Now, I hardly ever get ill because I let out the stress, I find a...

In my own experience – and listening to others – what people really want is peace, love and happiness. They want to wake up each day and know they do matter, that they are and will always be okay regardless of what they have to face in life . Dawn Barclay One of my favorite lessons - everyone matters! Simple Aren't the best things ever in life just really really simple? Whoever they are, whatever circumstances that they are in, they have a part to play in the Universe and they matter. Now, I interpreted that also to mean that you can matter to me from afar - which is to say I can love and respect you from a distance. I also interpreted it to mean that every person who enters my space I give to them the respect that they deserve as a person who matters, how I speak to them, how I respond to them, how I show them that they have my attention in the time that they are in my own space I have been practicing this. Iyanla (the boss) says before you say something, a...

Being all in is you committing to your decisions whether or not they work out the way you planned.  Dawn Moxie Big picture thinking is one thing I am happy to have learnt. This comes from knowing what you want, having a clear vision. When you have the big picture, the clear vision. you are committed to making decisions and taking massive action to get there - it's almost like this - the how comes along as you go along. Getting to the corner, I can take a car, bus, walk, run, crawl - my big picture is getting to the corner. We get bogged down in the how. We look at what is in front of us and what has happened with other people - we want evidence, we want validation from friends, family and loved ones, we want a pat on the back, we want status quo, we want to be talked about positively- good luck with that homies! All of the  amazing and awesome things that happened, that have been invented, that we use is through someone trusting and moving forward not knowing how I le...

"This is your journey. You are learning to trust yourself, and it has nothing to do with how someone else chooses to respond or not respond" Iyanla Vanzant Sharing information and giving my point of view whilst maintaining my boundaries  - A major lesson for me that I must admit I am at the back of the class. I have been practicing and practicing and sharing and listening on this topic over the last week, and it's true for me that practice makes masters! So I continue to practice. Setting and maintaining personal boundaries is all about trusting ourselves to know that no matter what we can be seen, be heard and be okay with others having their own boundaries. Choosing is also so important, the lovely free will that the Universe have given us to exercise come what may! I can choose again! Personal Boundaries aren’t aggressive, they aren’t  ‘My way or no way’, ‘This way, or else’. They aren’t a threat. They aren’t about control. They are certainly not about...

While you are stalling and flapping around with tiny details that aren’t quite right to you, to the rest of us they are fine. You are not only robbing yourself of your own sanity and confidence, you are also robbing the world of what you can create, do and be. Stop stalling. Do it or don’t. Commitment is not the same as trying. Dawn Barclay The main reason for stalling is fear Stalling is just what it is- waiting and waiting and waiting to act. A big ole waiting game Stop stalling. If you want to launch your website but you aren’t 100% happy with the font because it’s not quite right , you’re stalling or perhaps scared of what others might think when you shove it out here, or both. If you’re waiting until your children are in school before you pick up the pen and start creative writing again, you’re stalling. If you’re always doing things for others because you can’t get started on your own stuff, you’re stalling and probably avoiding. If you want to change care...

something happens when you slowly enjoy becoming the woman of your dreams. you begin to see how powerful you truly are Ijeoma Today I am pretty excited, well apart from my upcoming travels, which always increases my excitement levels, I am just excited about the person that I am becoming, I am excited about my lessons and discoveries and victories. It hit me bam in the face today You (well I really mean me) I  keep analyzing, thinking, beating up on myself - hell, girlfriend lighten up, you ain't doing too bad, really you aren't ,so ease up, back up, get excited and celebrate! Be proud of the strides you have made, it doesn't have to be this whole dramatic production of what is "supposed" to happen and what you aren't doing or should be doing Just stop shoulding on yourself for one minute get excited and celebrate Just suspend all judgement about yourself and others today Just suspend the self criticism Just suspend the analytics as to why th...

"It is your duty to take responsibility for how you expect and allow others to treat you" Iyanla (the absolute boss teacher) One of my most challenging lessons is setting and maintaining boundaries. For this purpose a boundary is defined as " a mental construct, expectation, request, or system that you put in place within yourself to define, prescribe or exclude behavior, people, experiences and internal or external intrusions" Boundaries is a demonstration of self respect and respect for others One cannot be allowed to run amuk in other people's lives with bad behavior, When you know what is expected of you, you have the power to choose whether or not you want to participate or be in relationship with people. When people care about you, they will respect what you request and expect. If they cannot, they will offer a compromise. My challenges with boundaries stem from a combination of wanting to avoid confrontation and conflict, from wanting to keep...

In the midst of your most troubling time, difficult challenge, frightening experience, know that you can feel bad and recover. it is not the pain, fear, shame, guilt which will "kill" you; it is your attempt to run away that will when we run from our challenges we kill off our power we strangle our strength, we suffocate our character. we assassinate our character and ability to grow be still and know........no matter what you will survive - Iyanla Vanzant Have you ever made a decision and thought OMG did I just do that?? again??? The conversation I have with myself goes something like this: 1. Oh no not again!!! 2. Okay, what is the lesson here? 3. Shit, shit shit shit again? really? 4. Okay calm down, you are human 5. What is the lesson here? 6. I am a grown folk, I can do whatever I want 7. That's justifying nonsense I keep repeating to myself 8. Calm down 9. Okay, let's decide on a way forward and get committed 10. Let's do this Now this ...

Now I'm gonna make mistakes from time to time But in the end believe that I'm gone fly No matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right (These are the pieces of me) Like every woman I know I'm complicated fa sho' But when I love I love til there's no love no more (These are the pieces of me) Ledisi When you begin to love yourself- really love yourself – not hide behind lovely hairdos, perfect makeup, manicures, pedicures, designer labels and shoes All hidden things in you, that no longer serve you, will rise to the surface to be healed This can be a vulnerable time period, and many of us will not want to go through this phase because we are looking for an instant gratification and a quick fix Unfortunately transformation takes time and inner persistence Self-Honesty Self-Observation Self-Belief Stay committed Every obstacle you encounter has a gift and an opportunity for you to gain greater wisdom so you can learn more about yourself and ex...

Shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story. It hates having words wrapped around it—it can’t survive being shared. Shame loves secrecy. The most dangerous thing to do after a shaming experience is hide or bury our story. When we bury our story, the shame metastasizes - Brene Brown Somehow there was always something happening around my life that had to be sanitised. Ever since I’ve known myself, I believed that I must only show my good side to “outsiders “ as I would be considered less than worthy and in return that is what I demanded of the “outsiders”.   I would hear the adults at the house on the Terrace where I grew up talking and the conversation seemed most of the time to be about who was making mistakes and being foolish, who was not being a good mother and wife and that shaped my view on what it meant to be excellent and suitable. I made up my mind .I would be perfect. That meant doing well in school, speaking well, behaving like a proper lady in publi...

It is impossible for people who are untrustworthy to become trustworthy simply because you want them to be that way Trust is a matter of character - Iyanla Vanzant The first and most important thing in trust is trusting yourself, how does that happen Simply by doing what you tell yourself you will do and being radically honest - all the time! The self trust starts being chipped away with the small things - I won't eat the entire bag of cookies - and what do you do? You eat the entire bag of cookies- the guilt sets in and the associated self talk which can go from a vicious tirade or can go to justifying any stoopid move that you decide to take in contradiction to what you previously agreed with yourself The trust chips away Telling yourself lies - to justify bad behaviour - yours and others  Telling yourself lies - to avoid confrontation and hurt The bottom line is trusting anything and anyone begins with trusting yourself! Peace

Prioritize yourself. Take time for yourself. You got to work on liking yourself. Michelle Obama Yesterday Michelle Obama hosted a Woman's Workshop on economic empowerment in Washington DC bringing together a host of phenomenal women from all walks of life doing their thing, paving paths, being authentic and making the world a better place than they met it I tuned in via live-stream to the event and was so inspired and excited by all that is happening throughout the world with my sisters Three things that rang throughout the day yesterday and resonated with me were 1. Being authentic- in every aspect of your life 2. Making yourself a priority 3. Know your worth Michelle Obama said one thing she knew coming into the White House was that she knew who she was and wasn't even going to change that for nothing and no one, she was bringing Michelle to the party The other women who took part, all from different walks of life, insisted that living their best lives include...

"We’re all getting old. Not old-old, but older, and at some point we need to be honest with ourselves and do what excites us instead of what looks good on paper.”   Terry McMillan Yesterday while being interviewed for a video I was being asked a number of questions about what my definition of success and having enough is I must admit my definition has changed dramatically over the past 2 years and still changing up to this moment What defines success? What do you want your life to look like this same time next year and what would prevent it from happening? Send me your thoughts let's exchange lessons on the journey Peace

We can't instantly LEAP from pain to happiness. We can get from pain to happiness really quickly, but there are steps, a healing sequence. Respect yourself by looking at your pain. Feel what it feels like. Look forward to change. And  the healing  has begun .  Danielle La Porte Don't rush the river, you cannot push the water. The simple lessons, the ones I have to think about. I get these nuggets of wisdom from many of the women that I met on the journey. I pulled out this nugget this weekend I want what I want and I want it now, that is the society we live in as well. I can have fast food, I can have fast weight loss (not really but they sell it like that) I can have speed dating, instant coffee and quick pain relief and so why go through the process and take the long way when I can get it quick and fast, never mind the side effects The most important requirements of the process, any process are willingness, discipline, honesty, patience and action- m...

Many of us reject the truth – we go into denial or get defensive because you think that once I know this I would have to do something about it NOW, you don't - Iyanla (the boss of bosses) Madame Akosua from the moment you start being defensive and justifying your position you have fallen into wanting to control, to prove and have your way, this is not an indication that you know who you are - One of my favourite lessons, I remember an elder telling me this and I cannot recall the context just this message. And since then I also recognize it in myself and other people Newsflash - I don't know everything, I control only my response and reactions, nothing else, and making plans are a waste of time without a vision. That's something I have learnt quite well There is always a justification for someone's actions, when you start making excuses and justifying it check yourself. You may want to prove to yourself or to others the rationale for your choice based ou...

Remember the vision always.  It will get you through the tough days. The dark moments. The worry. The fear. The questioning. The resignation. And the wonder. And make sure that vision is rooted deeply in your why. It will add wings to your rise. Maxie Mccoy I attended a focus group on Wednesday night at the University, I walked in and sat quietly- being late and all- and was listening to the plenary speaker talk about poverty alleviation and playing our part in serving our country, as she ended and I was thinking about what role can I play in this exercise, someone on the table said to me  "I quote you all the time, up to today I used one of your quotes" "Me?" "Yes, aren't you the author of the book What Did I Learn Today? I recognised the name" I smiled and she went on to ask me what am I doing now and how did I manage to be so brave to write this book- as I was about to jump into the sanitized version of events I thought about how much ...

Love wishes to be known, completely understood and shared. It has no secrets; nothing that it would keep apart and hide. It walks in sunlight, open-eyed and calm, in smiling welcome and in sincerity so simple and so obvious it cannot be misunderstood . ACIM This definition of love is one of my favorites Love has no secrets Love is so simple and so obvious it cannot be misunderstood So, for me, any question, misunderstanding and complications - it just isn't love It is something else and that is all! I need not go any further to deliberate and analyse I  just don't label it love And, get this, love can mean a big fat no but the no is simple obvious and cannot be misunderstood No can be the most loving thing to say and do at that time Love wishes to be shared, no secrets Why would I hide what I love?  From this interpretation of what love is I am so clear, I have no need to go ask anyone or sit in wonder Walk in sunlight Peace ...

You have to grab moments when they happen. I like to improvise and ad lib .  – Denzel Washington They called me outside of the cabin, come lie here with us, I really was hesitant at first it on was on the ground just in front of the ocean front We lied flat on our backs "Akosua look up" I looked up and the sky was covered with stars, it literally took my breath away. The last time I saw so many stars was years ago in South Africa. I exhaled and like magic a shooting star, everyone screamed with delight "Akosua did you ask the shooting star for guidance?" "No" "Oh man, you better be ready  always for the shooting stars!" Who was expecting shooting stars in the middle of nowhere - which I have realized that I was in the middle of "now-here" I thought about being open and ready for what is presented in front of me even when I am uncomfortable, in fact, especially when I am uncomfortable To be obedient to the messages from with...

Above all else, please, be kind - Ijeoma What a wonderful few days I have had. Kindness never goes out of style it really is a form of intelligence Kindness allows you to set boundaries Kindness allows you to be gracious Kindness allows you to let go Kindness allows you to see things from a different perspective Kindness never goes out of style As I navigated my way into a place which was unfamiliar to me this weekend, totally out of my comfort zone, no electricity and all the material comforts that we take for granted, I was taken in by a kind family into their beautiful space overlooking the ocean. They never met me before but cooked all my favourite dishes and just was so kind, it brought me to a space of remembrance- to be kind in my approach I may not have to agree or share the same point of view or believe in the same approach but I can be kind, it costs me nothing. Being kind comes from a place of self love. Kindness - the quality of being considerate and courteous - ...

working diligently on your passion instead of trying to force anyone to notice you actually saves lives. pass it on. you are welcome. Ijeoma That whole thing where I focus on being my best me takes time. So much so that I have very little to focus on anything else The whole thing where I focus on living my best life takes a whole 'lotta time, there is not much left for anything else The whole thing where spending time doing things that bring me absolute joy yea that thing, leaves very little time to tolerate nonsense So yea, that is why I have not been calling you, or texting you, yea, that's why Pass it on You are welcome Peace I'm off tomorrow, no Internet and not even electricity so catch you on the other side Peace

Why do, do, do I, I, I, I feel trapped Inside a box when  I just don't fit into it? Maybe I've been scared knowing What's there in front of me Maybe I been trying to be What they needed me to be? When I should've just been me Why, why, why, why, why, why? Whatever it is, let it be, let it be Whatever it is, whatever it is Whatever it is, let it be, let it be Whatever it is, whatever it is, let it Jill Scott What's your why? I mean really? What is your why? What is the why you do anything that you do? The why has the answers, the why has the guidance, the why has the truth the why comes from  inside, from the gut, from the intention Today I had the privilege of spending time at Heartbeat Radio For Women 103.5FM As I was there I was thinking this is so surreal I would watch Ms Marcia Miranda growing up, singing and on stage and looked up to her and here I was in the same room with her, it dawned on me that I was there because I had the courage...

Get in the flow. Expect the best. Do your best. Become The World Heavyweight Champion of Positivity. Jen Sincero Have you ever spent any time around people who make comments that are snarky, negative and just plain ole stoopid? all the time? From the first question How are you? They start and it continues until you feel like all the juice was squeezed out of you and you don't even know why Get in the flow- many of the times we are in a situation, sometimes not created by us, and we are resisting because it "should" not be like this- newsflash - right now it IS like this so what you gonna do?  Take things as they come - the things you cannot control - make a decision based on what is. Eckhart Tolle says we have three basic chices embrace and accept what is, move yourself out of the situation, change your mind. Complaining as the legend Bob Marley says is praying to the devil Do your best - then let it go. that involves having a level of faith and...

But where did we get this idea that being hard on ourself was the only way to grow? Being negative was the only way to do better? To be critical was the only way to excel? It’s total bullshit. It really is. Can you imagine trying to improve while having someone yelling nasty, terrible things at you 24/7?? Max McCoy  Today I feel really proud, I am heading to a cheque giving ceremony. A sponsor has come on board to assist with the NiNa Programme. I feel especially proud because the persistence and determination paid off and that I was able to reach to a point where others saw the importance to be a part of something that changes lives in even the smallest way. I feel proud that I accepted the invitation to share the lessons learnt through this programme and it was able to touch someone enough to say let's support one another I was my fiercest critic, I cussed myself many times about this programme, about my approach, about what I was doing wrong, and truth be told, ...