What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

It took me a long time to understand that heroic people have flaws too. The bigger the person, the bigger the flaws. Oftentimes, the flaws just get overshadowed by that big character. Soledad Francis Have you ever had the experience where someone you know just gets on your last nerve? As soon as they open their mouth you get some sort of trigger! You start getting defensive, you might start shutting them down or shutting yourself down mentally only hearing - blah blah blah when they speak Or maybe you just completely ignore them It seems as if when this person is around or speaks all your good sense just seems to evaporate and you start acting like....you have no sense! Well if you have, confessions on the Journey, I have also been doing that over the last few weeks. Here I am, triggered. I roll my eyes, I suck my teeth, I shut down, I shut others down. just a hot mess! And what was even more startling to me is - I really did not care! Of course, right on time I woke up yest...

Settling for crumbs doesn't keep you fed, it keeps you starving - Danielle La Porte I've learnt that one of the most soul destroying actions is to settle!  What does settling mean in this context? Settling is when I do things  people ask me to do without questioning my  intention behind why I am doing it. What is my why? Setling is when I do not question core beliefs handed down to me and I  live them despite the fact that they do not produce any forward movement in my life. In fact, they do more harm than anything else. Settling is doing activities to keep the status quo. Settling is doing a thing because I want someone to like me - people pleasing. Settling is doing things out of shame and guilt. Settling destroys authenticity, it promotes shame and guilt and leads straight to resentment.  Do not settle!  Ask for what you want with clarity, respect and dignity. Show up as you, every single time. Forgive yourself a...

A true friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg, even though they know you're slightly cracked.   Last Tuesday, I met up with a few wonderful people that I am blessed to know, we took the time out to meet at a restaurant have some sushi and chat. These wonderful people took the time to celebrate the fact that another book has joined the family. To be honest, I was not going to make a big deal about this, I think it is because it reminds me of a part of my life that I classify as "unfinished business" It brought up those memories reminding me that I left that part of of life without closing it off. I started a PhD in Manchester UK with  a focus on women entrepreneurs in Trinidad and Tobago. The aim was to spend 3 years out there and compile a body of research that could be used to advance both the state of women's entrepreneurship and empowerment I was doing this in the middle of a very difficult time in my life, everything was shifting, things that...

  “Trust the process. Your time is coming. Just do the work and the results will handle themselves.” Tony Gaskins I'm excited to announce that I will be doing a book reading and signing at the Pages Bookstore in Barbados This was orginally planned for May of this year and for many different reasons it did not happen. At the time I was quite disappointed, I summed it up to me having to explain what happened because the ads were out and about, a couple of people had asked me about the event. I was buzzing Then things were getting really out of sync. The venue was not confirmed, the accomodation fell through, the books did not arrive, the signs were there that this was not the right moment. Forcing it was not an option. When we get the signs and we force it, the Universe responds accordingly Forcing it is when, despite the obstacles which will no doubt come, you feel ill at ease, there is no peace in the decisions When I decided to postpone, I felt a peace even though I w...

Listening means: • opening your heart to fully experience what someone is communicating to you • giving absolute attention to the sound waves that roll off another person’s tongue • mirroring the other person’s body language • resisting the desire to speak until the other person finishes sharing his or her perspective • being empathic • putting your pride aside • managing your emotion and internal dialogue • seeking to understand the other person’s needs and feelings - Kyle D Jones How well do you listen? For me it is a conscious effort to remain present. Remaining present is holding off any judgement, asking questions to ensure that I fully understand what is being communicated. Remaining present is me not hatching a response before the person has completed their point.  I practise listening because it is a wonderful way of learning. It provides a platform for building emotional intelligence. In this conscious effort to listen I have found myself saying "I hear ya" ...

The Journey...... Over the past few months,the Journey touched down on quite a number of Podcasts and Magazine Articles, Events and.....a new addition to the book family! (staty tuned for more details in the next newsletter) It was an absolute honor to have been a part of the First Citizens's Bank of Trinidad and Tobago Girls First - a celebration of Girls. Speakers, Workshops, Fun. A wonderful initiative.Congratulations to First Citizens Bank! Become She - out of Chicago was another stop on the Journey - the ladies at BecomeShe made this interview such a joy. A lot of fun was had! Listen to the Interview Here:  https://soundcloud.com/user-430040203/she-and-the-lessons-on-the-journey Lessons from a Recovering "I'm Not Good Enough Addict" - Read Akosua's article featured on Harness Magazine https://www.harnessmagazine.com/lessons-from-not-good-enough-addict/ Self Confidence Redefined - Akosua features on Make Muse Magazine https://www.makemuse.online...

Acceptance ·          Internal mental and emotional reconciliation that eliminates the need to alter/fix what appears to be. ·          Being received as adequate, suitable, favourable reception. Iyanla Vanzant Our default is to fix it, to make it better, especially as women.  We want things to be our way, to be perfect, no hiccups, no static. We have a picture in our head of how it is supposed to look, how it is supposed to be. If that doesn't happen we become disappointed, we doubt, sometimes we even blame others. Acceptance, I have learnt is the first step in making a transformation. Right where you are is the start. Not where you think you are supposed to be, not where you know it can be, but right where you are, start there then move. If it is raining, accept that, then decide. Sometimes we go off on moaning about the rain, and why there ought to be sunshine and yada yada yada!...

“ We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.”   Herman Melville This morning as I locked my door to jump into my car to start my day as I was about to enter the car I saw a man lying on the road with blood gushing out of his head. At first glance I honestly thought he was dead. He was not moving. I took a few steps closer, as I was about to move, a few other people who were passing by stopped, then everything kicked in, movements started to happen. calling the ambulance finding his folks checking for a pulse we waited for a while until the ambulance came, until his parents came - they were screaming and in shock the parents went with him in the ambulance A few minutes later we got the news, he did not make it He got up this morning and decided to take a run and that was it! He is gone I thought about how many mornings...

Spiritual Mirrors - Olivia Jade Yesterday, there was a  meet up with the ten young ladies from the St Jude's Home For Girls.  A very good friend sponsored a trip to the islands off Trinidad's West Coast. This was a first for all of us, boarding the boat and learning the history of the islands that make up part of our country's history just off the coast of Venezuela. They thought we would get out and take a dip in the water -  no chance people! of course they were a little disappointed when they heard that there would be no swimming. Despite that we had a great time, the ferry was comfy, there were lots of laughs and we were able to spend some time after the trip getting their favourite - Fried Chicken! I probably have said this many times - this is one of the best things I have ever done, the feelings that I feel spending time with them is unparalled. Despite some of the tough moments- because there are many serious situations within this dynamic, I have lear...

Our task is but to continue, as fast as possible, the necessary process of looking straight at all the interference and seeing it exactly as it is ACIM Distractions and deterrents will come. They always do. I have learnt that making the principles of discipline and consistency a part of your life is vital. Not much can happen without discipline and consistency.  Motivation is a part of it but there are some days when motivation can only go so far.  This is where the discipline comes in. Discipline is about showing up, it is about consistency, it is about being self aware, being honest and true to you then to others, it is about keeping the big picture, keeping the vision in sight, despite how it looks at the moment, discipline is about having patience and faith and self belief. Many people associate discpline with punishment- I have learnt that there is so much more to discipline. Discipline is focused doing. You must do the thing that you know you have to do...

You don’t heal just because you avoid triggers. You don’t heal just because you avoid being wounded. Healing doesn’t happen through avoidance. Healing happens through deliberate and intentional brave work. Healing happens by standing in the ebb and flow of life and relationships and finding new ways to communicate your pain and be heard. Healing happens when you find people who love you more than they need to defend and protect themselves. Healing happens when you listen and they listen. Healing happens through the bravery and courage.  Do not wish for a life free from triggers. Do not wish for a life free from pain. Wish and choose the abundant opportunities that allow you to have new endings to old stories.   #mindfulmft   The "strong" narrative - the one where we are given points for not crying in public, in fact, points for not crying at all - the fellas are given that badgemore than the women. the one where we act tough as nails - pure hate and acting normal. Th...

Choice - to select your preference or desire from the possibilities presented. Your choice is your power, it is a function of your free will given to you by the creator. When you make a choice you are saying to the Universe that there is a desire, an idea, a vision, an intention, a dream that you are choosing to advance. When you fail to make a choice you are saying to the Universe that you have no power because every choice you don't make is a choice you are making. - Iyanla Vanzant I was having a conversation with a someone yesterday, there was a difference of opinion on a matter at hand. I said in the end it is always a matter of choice. They did not believe this as many times "people have no choice" This led to a further discussion about  what is "having no choice" I believe that we always have a choice, this is where our power lies. Making no choice is also a choice Blaming others is also a choice Accepting a situation is also a choice regardless ...

You must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, AND at the same time, have the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be . James Collins The Make Muse Magazine provided me the opportunity to share lessons on the Journey on Self Confidence. I defined or redefined it how I believed it to be Self Confidence redefined as: Knowing that there is no one way to do anything – looking at alternative methods of achieving, doing and living.  Failing forward – using failure as feedback rather than a reason to stop.  Listening to their Intuition and being guided by it despite how it looks or sounds to others.  Being nudged by the messages received through intuition even if it makes absolutely no sense! Using non-traditional financing methods – women entrepreneurs are masters of this. On many occasions, traditional financing institutions either flatly r...

Be open to inspiration anytime, anywhere.   Cleo Wade I was sitting in the porch, doing the usual morning ritual of eating breakfast and writing in the journal that I keep. As I sat there eating a mango, a bird flew in and looked like it was begging for a taste, I looked at the bird, it seemed deathy afraid of coming close to me or the plate. The bird advanced for a while then decided, no, she maybe too scary to approach frontal and all! The bird flew away, I thought, oh dear, maybe I can leave a piece of mango on the porch and the bird will return. Just as I was about to the bird returned - with a new strategy. The bird flew directly on the table and picked the mango and flew away I thought for a moment about how I approach my own "scary tasks" I fly away and sometimes hardly ever return! I was immediately inspired by what this bird did Go away for a minute, regroup and fly back with an unstoppable courage! How many times do we miss the opportunity to be inspired by ...

Everything you eventually do in your life happens because of tiny moments. But for some reason, when it comes to creating your future, tiny is no longer acceptable. Maxie McCoy Start small.  Start small and build. Start small and believe. Start small and know because planting seeds take time, it takes patience and it takes doing the work. How many times have we started: the diet the book the business the relationship the project the programme the friendship and we want it to be grand immediately? We want immediate results! The diet is one week old, no weight is falling off- you stop! The business plan is just finished - the profits are low or non existent- you stop! How many times we put a time limit on our growth? It must be done by a particular time, Yes, we have learnt about goals being clear and time bound. However, there are times when our timing is layered with doubt and anxiety, with people pleasing, with guilt. If that is the case then what...