What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Father, help me today to realize that I am abundant. The storehouse of my mind is filled with miracles. I can come to this storehouse and, in this holy instant, receive them. You entrust them to me for the giving. Let me pause often today, to meet here with You, and then carry these treasures forth to offer them to the world. This is my whole purpose in life; this is why I am here . Marianne Williamson The flight got delayed by two hours as I was checking in they told me "Miss your ticket does not include your bags you will have to pay for them I was upset, I started telling her who sells tickets and pays for bags separately? Then I stopped because it wasn't about her, the taxi sent me a text, he had been waiting over two hours now and the price would be doubled. My aunt sent me a text that she needed money for Saturday's event. I turned off my phone. No more texts  about money please! As I sat on the plane thinking about it, I realized that abundance comes into m...

You are the creator of your own reality, and so you are not in jeopardy. You do not need to control the behavior of others in order for you to thrive. Your attention to things that you think they do keeps you from thriving is, in fact, what keeps you from thriving. It is not what they do to you; its what you do to you in fear of what you think that they will do to you. Abraham. Knowledge bookstore is da truth!! I walked into the store and it spoke directly to me. My favourite authors on the shelf, wooden floors, art and sculptures all around all set in an old Victorian house. The owner, Sean, made the place look like home. 18 years ago he and his wife decided to start the store and people called them crazy and here they are almost 20 years after with one of the best and baddest stores on this side of town. I am so grateful for the opportunity to present my work at this store and give thanks for getting here! I am flying back to NYC tod...

Until I stop being in solution mode and just relish in the present moments of my day to day life — they’re neither good nor bad. Literally, in an exact moment, everything just is. Is perfect. Is as it should be. Only when our mind wanders to past and future do things get out of whack. Here's the thing...It's natural to feel weird and want out. And i t's normal to strive for joy and joy and joy. Without realizing you are joy. Maxie McCoy We hit downtown Toronto with the intention of being tourists all darn day! First stop Royal Ontario Museum! The radio has been advising to stay inside as much as possible as there was a heatwave on! Ha! Nothing like a little heat will be stopping these tourists! Next stop, Queen Street, to shop (window shop lol), then to CN Tower and end at Harbour Front with dinner! My cousin and I had nuff catching up to do, a whole 20 years of it! Really proud of her. As you know I zone in on the lessons!  I have learnt that the time we ta...

Question if you still love what you once loved   We hold on. Because Love does that. Embracing, rocking, reserving space. Love holds, it treasures, it tucks away for safe keeping, it loyally protects. Holding on is one of the many great powers of Love.   And it feels so good to hold on that sometimes we forget to look at what we’re holding on to. Danielle La Porte Ana drove from Montreal to come to the event in Toronto, a clear 6 hour drive, she walked in and while I was wrapping up and I paused, so shocked, so happy, so grateful for the effort she made to come see me, she had to leave after the event to get back to work. I will always remember my time in Toronto just because of Ana and the effort she made to see me! My cousin who I grew up with who moved to Toronto and I haven't seen for years and years made sure that everything was in order, she was at my side every step of the way! more thanks to give! A Different Booklist is a historical bookstore, i...

Sometimes it seems We'll touch that dream But things come slow or not at all And the ones on top, won't make it stop So convinced that they might fall Let's love ourselves then we can't fail To make a better situation Tomorrow, our seeds will grow All we need is dedication - Lauren Hill (Everything is Everything) Central Park for a water fight (yes water fight I said, people had water guns that looked like it came off a star wars movie) and a run (6 kilometers), Barnes and Nobles to sit, smell and read books while drinking coffee.  Meeting with Phoebe, owner of Sugar Cane Restaurant and hostess of the Sangria and Statements Garden Reading on Sunday 2nd 2015- absolutely fun time I had with her, she's such a darling- and can make boiled water taste good, the woman can cook!!! We sat and chatted and laughed and the meeting was like a big lime (Trini slang for chilling out) On a plane again this morning though, the event at the Trinidad and Tobago Co...

All the self-deception in the world can only hide the truth, not change it - ACIM I love to fly, I love the entire concept of sitting down for a few hours and boom I am in a totally new place, delays and all! I love the unpredictability of the experience, I delight in the unexpected because life is delighted to deliver it, I play along.  First leg of the tour is NYC- Sunday evening I am a part of the High Commission of Trinidad and Tobago in New York City's Emancipation Day Celebrations. They have a lovely celebration put together and I am very humbled to be asked to share my book.  Before this though, on Friday evening I meet with the organizers of the following weekend's event tonight at 8pm for a dinner meeting, absolutely lovely lady, I am very excited to meet up with her again! So, as I was waiting on the delayed flight , my mind racing about why or what was I doing, thinking, and feeling to have changed a friendship I thought I had. It got me feeling like a t...

Everything I do is by choice Remove the expression “have to” from your vocabulary and your thinking, because it is going to release a lot of self-imposed pressure on you. You can create tremendous pressure by saying “I have to get up,” “I have to do this,” “I have to, I have to.” Instead, begin by saying “I choose to…” It puts a whole different perspective on your life. Everything you do is by choice. It may not seem so, but it is.   Louise Hay (the queen of affirmations) I have no choice. What does that statement mean to you? I have no choice. Do you say it to mean that you are trapped, stuck, without any option? I have no choice. Do you say it defeated and feel defeated as it leaves your mouth? I have no choice. Do you say it empowered and feel empowered as you say it? I have no choice. Do you say it to convince yourself  that you are making the best decision? I have no choice. Do you say it to justify the action that you have taken? I have no ch...

The value of deciding in advance what you want to happen is simply that you will perceive the situation as a means to make it happen. You will therefore make every effort to overlook what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective, and concentrate on everything that helps you meet it. ACIM Yesterday I called my grand mum, standard weekly call. She asked me how I was doing, in my  usual response " Sheils I am good" I call her Sheils. When I was growing up I would hear her friends calling her Sheils and I would come after they had left the house and say Sheils how are you?  Her name is Sheila. She would immediately stop me and say when you become a big woman over 25 you can call my name until then it's mummy, grandma or Miss Sandy ok? So the day I turned 25 I called her from London and said "Sheils I am 25!" She laughed and said I guess I did make a promise so from since then I call her on the phone and say Sheils how are you? Anywa...

 “ Our mind is a womb.  It brings life. ”   As a woman you cannot be careless with your thoughts, your speech, your intentions, your time, or your life.  It all has powers and will create things, whether we intend them to or not.  Get careless or thoughtless and your mind will create careless and thoughtless circumstances.  Who wants that?  I don’t.  Take care of your mind Dumplin.  Monitor your thoughts.  Be intentional in the books you read.  Be intentional in the television you watch.  It all matters. Iyanla Vanzant One of my favorite prayers is "Lord, today let me not be careless with the working and use of my mind" I say it often because I know the power my mind has. I am a co creator of my life and it starts with my mind, conscious or unconsciously we create, the thoughts we think, the words we speak. They start showing up in reality, in our lives. The moment I learnt to "stand guard at the door of my mind" from a gr...

To be detached from the outcome of a result means that you have learnt to trust. When you know that Spirit will give you what you need – not necessarily what you want (that’s Ego’s job) – then you will learn to do the work that is required to be done and move on. The results will take care of themselves. Whatever the outcome of the results that will be dealt with at the appropriate time. If you stand in the way of the energy creating the outcome, or result, through your lack of trust, insecurity and fearfulness, you put a barrier in the way of blocking the efficiency of that flow of energy. By learning to trust, you live in the wisdom of insecurity and uncertainty where there are unlimited opportunities being created in the present moment of now. The Law of Detachment The word detachment kept popping up in my head all weekend, it was flashing like a neon sign! I did not get it! While running yesterday morning it became even louder, almost like a song in my head. Why are you tr...

You will know you are being controlled by a memory if you insist on doing a certain thing in a certain way, because you are convinced your reason for doing it is right. You can be pretty sure you are being controlled by a memory when you interpret the things you see or hear in whats that cause you anger, fear and resentment. When a memory of something you have forgotten is controlling your life, you will say things that are not true, you will do things that are not productive, you will hear things that are not said, you will see things that are not there. You will respond in ways that are inappropriate and out of character In these cases, your soul is calling out for healing. (Until Today) What are your triggers? Do you know? Things that tick and piss you off so easily and most times have nothing to the other person? You trip! You cuss them out believing that they deserve it because that is "just how you are" Or maybe you withdraw, disappear, cut them off, because ...

“it is being honest about my pain that makes me invincible.” ― Nayyirah Waheed I once thought that I had to do everything right, I had to solve all my so called problems, I had to be independent and do all the "proper" things, I had to be quiet and polite and nice! Where did I get those ideas from? who the hell knows! But I can tell you something it is bloody tiring to be playing miss perfect! This thing we called life, perfection is not a requirement to live it, it really isn't! Then I was introduced to life, it's challenges and pain and all the other good stuff. There was me still on this so called "having it all together, perfection road" well at least in my own mind I thought I was Denial is really lying to yourself! Thank you Universe for showing me a different path. No one is exempt from this process of life and it's ups and downs. Share your stories and do it in an empowering way which serve you first and then others! Stop being fake ...

Live a whole life .Work can be an important part of our lives, but we should never let it be how we define ourselves. Putting all your energy and resources into your work may feed your ego, but if you’re relationships are falling apart, your health neglected and your spiritual life ignored, you could end up sitting alone in your castle of glory.   I walked in the boxing gym, the coach gave me the "you are late stare" I walked over to him he handed me the skipping rope and said " you are weighing in today, the fight is on August 1st in Arima"  The grin on my face grew into one of those that said " if I don't laugh tears will flow" "Coach, I am out of the country on the 1st" "Listen, this is enough, you came here to fight not to run, when will you be ready to fight? It's been too long, time to face the battle on the ropes" I swear he thought I must have been Rocky Balboa or something and preparing me to fight! ...

Our only problem is thinking we have a problem. The thought that "I don't have it yet" is the problem. We need to be enlightened from thinking we need to be enlightened. All that has to change is that thought, and the thought changes nothing, does nothing, because we are always already enlightened, always already happy, always already perfect. God created us that way and we can't change it; all we can do is forget it and pretend we are something else. ACIM One of my many teachers said to me in response to a situation that I was going through that was kicking my butt "This is happening for you, not to you" and I remember this always mainly because on the other side of it all I learn, I become, I grow and that is a beautiful thing! Are you always looking at what you don't have, what you think you need, what is missing, and not "here" yet? Isn't that exhausting? Why not try this start with what you have, set some goals, objectives an...

“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.”   ―   Nayyirah Waheed There really is never any reason to settle..... for anything. There is really never a reason to bargain and convince anyone by your  words or actions that you are worthy. There is never any reason whatsoever to negotiate or hustle to prove you are worth it. There is no reason for you to show anyone that you are "the one". There really never is a reason to pretend, be fake, hide behind masks to get what you want. There is never any reason to f...

We choose to grow by letting go of what’s no longer working. Sometimes this requires some mourning. Go there with your full heart and soul. Danielle La Porte I had the extreme honor and privilege to be invited to be the key note speaker to launch the 70th anniversary celebrations of the Federation of Women's Inc on Saturday. This is the oldest women's organisation in the country! 70 years old is no mean feat!  The wisdom and love in that event was off the chain, and one of the founding members was there on the day. The both of us sat chatting on the growth, changes and lessons she and the organisation went through over it's life. She told me that it started when some women had to sneak out of their houses to meet and sometimes they would have to meet in secret. Now today, they have three properties, including an early childhood learning center and women all over the country have the right and freedom to go to any type of meeting they choose! I for one, will nev...

When you fall in love, let it be with a person who asks nothing of you. Your existence should be enough. If they do not kiss you urgently and often, find someone who understands that lips in the presence of love should ignite passion. (Natalie Patterson,brilliant poet) Excerpt from What Did I Learn Today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love It just felt right at the time! I met him and I immediately felt so safe! I had this feeling that he would always protect me, that he would always be there for me, put me first no matter what. I never felt that way before at any time in my life, Anything I asked was ok, and anything I asked for he would find a way to either do it or support me in doing it. I started second guessing myself, is this real, can this be true! It seems that this guy is really the one! And when I say anything it really was anything, washing my hair, going out to find watermelon for me at ungodly hours on a bike and riding miles to bring it ba...

We did not come to planet earth to meet our mother's expectations or our father's or our spouse's.   Ruth Clothworthy Who's life are you living? Who's dream are you fulfilling? Who's vision is unfolding in front of your eyes?  By now I know that nothing is random or coincidence. One of my friends came to visit from the UK, she mentioned that she wanted me to go with her to visit a family friend. We drove for about an hour and a half and got to the place, one giant of a man appeared at the gate, my friend whispered to me have you seen the size of his hands and feet? I took a peep, turned to her and said his palms must be bigger than my face! We immediately started calling him BL, short for big limbs! He asked me while I was in Manchester what was I doing, I told him that I was studying. He said why did you choose to study is it for you or are you living someone else's dream? I thought this was a weird question! I told him I wanted to! He said that...

What are you worried about today? Why? Rather than worry about it, would it not be a better use of your mental time to visualize a positive outcome? Use your mind in this way today and you will have tapped one of the most extraordinary tools God has placed in your hand for the creation of your tomorrows. Neale Donald Walsh Have you ever blanked out when it mattered? Have you ever been in a position where you were doing something and you froze, stalled, the lights went out? That was me yesterday in a room full of people making a presentation to people from as far as New Zealand. I blanked out, forgot what I wanted to say! I stood on the stage and looked out and thought OMG! OMG OMG!  Ok love, stay calm, say something, anything! A few seconds passed that felt like eternity and the words  started flowing again.  When I was finished the Master of Ceremonies said, I really liked your presentation. I thought to myself if only you knew my brother, if only...

Let the vision come forward. Let the idea lead. Let the goals find themselves in conversation. Let the personal writing be viewed. When you get the urge to do something nice, act. When the inspiration to create sparks, create immediately . Maxie McCoy Les Brown, the renowned motivational speaker, always says " the place with the most ideas, goals and dreams is the cemetery as more people go to their grave with them rather than act them out. When I first heard it I laughed, I thought, maybe just maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration but as I meet more and more people I am not laughing anymore.  The dream and gifts downloaded into you specifically, what are you doing with it?  This may just be something to bring you joy, to give you a boost, this may not be the nobel peace prize winner or hitting  the jackpot! It may just be something that puts a smile on your face. That makes you happy. Are your fears, your friends or so called friends' response to it, ...

We never arrive at a place knowing it all. For as long as we are alive we are challenged to grow, learn evolve and mature. Love is a decision is a destination, you must choose to walk in it live in it and become it. Rob Hill Sr Yesterday I was asked to spend  day with 25 young people, fifteen years of age as part of a programme called "The Winner Within" - This  programme developed for youths from the so called marginalized areas  who have challenges in functioning in society according to the status quo definition. Yesterday the aim was to chat about self-esteem, confidence and living authentically. I must admit that this is the most challenging gig that I have done this year. Why? I was unprepared. What  do I mean  by unprepared? I have not been on the ground working with young people on the margins of the society, I stopped doing that a while back for reasons such as having a different focus. Unprepared meaning leaving love out of the equation at the sta...

Arrogance is a killer and wearing ambition on one's sleeve can have the same effect. There is a fine line between arrogance and self-confidence. Jack Welch   Sometimes, you are the one preventing yourself from moving forward and achieving your goals. Yea I said it! That's a tough one to hear right? Yea it's tough I know it, I've been told this and I resisted but  now I'm a believer. Get out of your own way! Stop denying your feelings, feel it, feel it all. Get out of your own way! Stop being defensive and acting like you know everything, you don't if you did   you won't be here on this earth in this form at this very moment.  Get out of your own way! Stop the lying to yourself and to others. What is the truth that you are not telling to yourself? Get out of your own way! Deal with your pain and your issues in a healthy and productive way. Stop being one of the world's walking wounded. Get out of your way! Eat well and e...

It has been said that "the truth hurts," but the exact  opposite is true. No truth is too hurtful, and no lie is  harmless. Because every truth opens your heart to another, and every lie separates it.    Yet know this: The way you say your truth can be hurtful. So speak your truth, but soothe your words with peace. Right now Neale Donald Walsh Have you ever had a conversation with someone that after that conversation you felt like a truck ran over you? Like you were flattened by a steam roller? You know what they are saying is true but the deliver, oh the delivery, was oh so extremely brutal! When I see the truck coming or the bulldozer I tend to run. Yes, I said it, I run and I run fast, in the opposite direction! I've now learnt to slow down and back up because there is valuable information in there and the person delivering it is most times crying out to be heard!  So how do you deliver "the truth" do you drive in with the big truck or do you take t...

  You can’t do your best work, be connected to yourself and others, or live your courageous life when there’s a constant, nagging undercurrent of “More to do! Not enough time!” or a sense that peace is only available…after you get past your to-do list. Kate Courageous Life’s been kicking my ass a bit over the past few weeks. Nothing major and nothing irreversible, but some things I thought were done came undone and I suffered through a couple of days of self-pity before recognizing that I was a bit out of touch with reality. You see, things have been going so well for so long that I’d forgotten how little control I actually have over the Uni-verse. Without even noticing, I had begun to accept good things happening as my birthright and to expect deferential treatment from a Uni-verse that may or may not even know I exist. I forgot that 99.9% of what happens is completely out of my control. Without me, the sun comes up in the morning and the stars twinkle at night. Befor...

Scarcity is a state of mind, a loop of negative thoughts rooted in fear. It stalks all of us. Not only do we fear not having enough, but we also fear not being enough. We may even fear our own perfectly Divine Self. Fear causes   anxiety , and we don’t like how it makes us feel. We take action to suppress the sense that something’s not quite right. Whether we prefer shopping, eating, drinking, smoking, or fighting, our “drug of choice” numbs our physical or emotional pain and the nagging we feel inside. We find temporary relief and mistake it for happiness. But the absence of pain doesn’t equal joy .  Juilana Park On the journey, I use a number of tools, I know that I need them. These tools sometimes dig me out of holes, help in pulling me up out of the valley, inspire me, make me laugh, slap me back into reality and sometimes just sit with me and keep me company as I move along. And so, one of my tools is the work of Juliana Park. She came up with a lovely met...

In all relationships, regardless of their nature, there comes a time when you understand that there are some things you will never understand.  When you are standing in that moment, just be all right with it (Iyanla Vanzant) Over the past few days my sister from another mother and I have been having a major difference of opinions. That may seem normal as we are both different individuals however, in my case, I have learnt that conflict is something I run from like Usain Bolt and there is still the residual of the whole people pleasing gene that I am getting rid up that flares up ever so often. So, we each said our piece, she was mad as hell, spitting fire and I just could not wrap my head around why she was so angry at what seemed to me as a perfectly normal conversation and opinion we had been having for the past few weeks. I kept asking myself  "What is the lesson here?" In life, certain people will impersonate understanding, they will smile at you. They will ass...