What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Freedom - a mental construct . The ability to know and live the truth. The ability to choose. A state of being without thought of confinement, restraint, limitation or oppression:having a sense of well being within which manifests itself in the outer world - Faith in the Valley Today my country celebrates it's 50th Independence Anniversary. Its a pretty big deal that a small island has done this well! I'm proud to be a Trini! I give thanks and pay homage to the ones that came before me on whose shoulders who I now stand! I have been to quite a lot of countries, I've seen the good and the great but nothing beats home! I cannot even describe the joy I feel driving or walking around the Savannah, seeing the hills surrounding me where ever I am! I was thinking today about freedom and what we take for granted. If we do not feel totally free then the question is why? We allow labels and expectations to keep us in boxes and then we cry out for freedom. The things that we th...

Every person, situation, circumstances and experiences in your life is a reflection of some aspect of who you beleive yourself to be. All difficult, challenging, painful experiences and relationships provide us with an opportunity to heal some part of our consciousness . Tapping the Power Within When I read that the penny dropped! Is it really that simple? That's a pretty radical thing! It's actually very humbling when you think about it, some of the people in your life who you complain and moan about is a reflection of who you believe yourself to be! When you tell yourself your radical truth it really sets you free once you get the courage to make the necessary changes! I've learnt that I can choose or be forced to take a long hard look at how I am showing up in the world! I've learnt that compassion is an important element in being aware and letting go of judgement, its a tough one! So what did I learn? This is an exerpt taken from the "Rules of Life" C...

" What you name your life, what you call yourself, is what you will ultimately experience. I also know that if you call yourself or your life nothing, nothing is exactly what you will receive and experience" From the Book Tapping the Power Within I am my own super hero, I am the designated Captain Awesome, I started saying and affirming to myself that I am totally awesome and a friend said to me you must be the Captain then? I ran with that! At first I was uncomfortable about it thinking that people will think I am arrogant or even crazy but then I remembered that I learnt that I am 100% self approved and I learnt that Marianne Williamson said we were not put on this earth to play small, it does not serve you or the world so I am now totally comfortable with it, I write my own story and I have learnt that thoughts are things so what I think manifests itself into my reality! Sometimes I don't feel as confident as I would like. In those moments I call on my Superhero ...

Love is the only thing we need. Love is our peace. Love is our joy, health, and wealth. Love is our identity. We go into a relationship looking for love, not realising that we must bring love with us. We must bring a strong sense of self and purpose into a relationship. We must bring a sense of value, of who we are. We must bring an excitement about ourselves, our lives, and the vision we have for these two essential elements. We must bring a respect for wealth and abundance. Having achieved it to some satisfactory degree on our own, we must move into relationships willing to share what we have, rather than being afraid of someone taking it. Joyful sharing and excitement. Value, purpose, and vision. That's what love is about. When we bring these things to the relationship, love becomes a great multiplier and enhances the experience of life. When we do not have these things in place, the search to find love sets up the experiences we need to discover what is true about love and ...

With this day comes the possibility for new joy. You can choose, right now, to embrace and fulfill that possibility, or you can choose to ignore it. With this day comes the opportunity to move forward, to get positive and useful and meaningful things done. You can grab that opportunity and run with it, or you can let it drain away. Ralph Marston When I reflect on the lessons I learn from the extraordinary women I encounter I am always truly grateful. Yesterday I was thinking about my next move which is a giant leap of faith, moving to East Africa for an extended period of time to work with some phenomenal women and I started to get a little scared and then I remembered what she said " What do you believe is possible for you?" I stopped for a moment then I asked what do you mean? She said what do you BELIEVE about yourself and your possibilities"? I honestly could not answer because I never ever thought about it! So what I have learnt is that you become what you b...

Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth becomes more important than looking good. Alan Cohen, owner of the Florida Panthers I've been suffering from the disease called the need to please! I wanted to please everyone, I wanted people to like me, to think I was cool. I'm not sure how I caught the disease but it was chronic! The disease I call it, reached a breaking point when I realised that I'm supposedly pleasing everyone and still they were moaning or unhappy and I was too. So the crap hit the fan when I realised wait, this isn't working! Now I am 100% self approved, I've learnt to put me first, to be authentic, be courageous, that's the only way I want to live! Its absolutely awesome having this sort of freedom! Once we give ourselves over to what we can or cannot do based on the expectations of others, we are no longer free. So what did I learn? It is not necessary that I lose my self-value or self-worth in order to be cool, ...

I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s. (For me, the word God means "reality." Reality is God, because it rules. Anything that’s out of my control, your control, and everyone else’s control—I call that God’s business.) Byron Katie I love Byron Katie's work, she walks the talk having gone through a torrid time before finding the path back to self love I can identify with her experiences. Byron talks about staying in your own business because even though we do suggest certain actions and things to our friends and family out of love, it really is out of our business. So I've learnt from this that 90% of people want you to live their idea, many times out of love, other times out of their limited perspective on what life SHOULD be. What I have also learnt is that you have to live your own idea, walk your own path, do your own learning because Spirit gave the dream, the gift, the life to you and you alone, there's no one else ...

So many times I define my pride Through somebody else's eyes Then I looked inside and found my own stride, I found the lasting love for me If I'm searching for my spirituality passionately I must begin with me There's just me... One is the magic number - Jill Scott Yesterday I had another penny dropping moment. I just got it! Its funny how when you pay attention you do seem to really get it! From that I learnt that awareness is I-opening! I was thinking about the ego. I have been having a small battle with the ego for the past few weeks. Iyanla defines the ego as Edging God Out, a state of mind, a level of consciousness, she says the ego operates in the mind determining how we see the world. So edging God out is really making decisions based on fear and attachment. There's also the positive ego. The positive ego is what motivates us to comb our hair, brush our teeth etc. So here's how I realised that decisions were being made based on the negative ego, when I am...

Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions and believe we are right about the assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong . Don Miguel Ruiz Here's the thing I've learnt, Own your stuff! Take responsibility for your life and your decisions, giving it away is being a victim and I will never forget being on the border of South Sudan and Uganda with some amazing women who been through the wars and came out strong and proud and the women telling me there are no victims here! Make a choice and if that choice isn't getting the results, make another choice, you never run out of choices! Trying to make someone wrong is all well and good but does it get you to the result? Or does it get you to peace of mind? I love when people call me out on my stuff, I was giving a story about what how I think I am such a good person, I didn't deserve to be treated like I was and disrespected by my now ex-husband, how dare he? I ...

If you don’t really care about what you’re doing, why are you wasting your precious time doing it? If you’re going to spend your time on something, then give your care, attention, interest, curiosity and enthusiasm to it. Ralph Marston How do you spend your time? How do you decide to spend your time? Out of love or out of fear? Out of obligation, people pleasing, societal expectations, joy, passion, based on the future or the past? These are the questions that I have been faced with over the past few months! On the journey, I have been reading quite a few books and one of the most insightful ones I have come across is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. This book helped in radically shifting my perception of time and how I spend my time, its a work in progress but I practise everyday. He says the more you focus on time - past and future- the more you miss the NOW and now is the most precious thing , it is simply all there is. From reading this I said to myself wow Now is all I got...

" It's not that we are afraid that we must make choices; for most of us it is the fear of making the wrong choice. In some cases, the failure to choose is the result of the fear of letting go of the old for the new, the familiar for the unfamiliar. This is the essence of choice: the ability to let go and stand on new and unfamiliar ground" taken  from One day my soul just opened up The Course in Miracles says in it's teachings that choice is one of the most powerful things a human being can possess. We seem to either not use it or use in unconsciously. I've learnt that if you don't make a choice it is still a choice. I've learnt that not making a choice because of fear or wanting to be in control is living by default. Living by default most of the times giving away your power. I thought over the last few months that  I made the wrong choice leaving Trinidad like I did but I learnt this week let it go, learn from it and make another choice because ev...

Doubt - the result of trust and truth being brought into question. Lack of focus and committment that results in fear. The root of mental and spiritual weakness, leading to indecisiveness. A test of character. How do you make decisions? Well here's the thing I 've learnt on this journey so far, make a decision in love, not in fear, follow your gut, listen to your inner higher self (Spirit) and believe. (Don't Doubt!!!!). Here's the other thing I've learnt, be careful where you plant your seeds when you decide, that means there are some fertile ground and there's some barren ground. The fertile ground represents your support crew, people who are honest and support you with love, then there's the barren ground, the naysayers, the ones who are for what you stand for at the time and not the ones who stand for you. I've learnt to be careful where you plant these seeds, I don't have to tell everyone what I've decided. Here's the other thing I...

As above, so below. As you think, do and give, so shall it be done unto you. The Law of Compensation What is your intent in doing this she asked? I answered I haven't thought about it. Well give it some thought OK? What does it matter anyway? I just want to do it. Well, simply put, your actions hinges on your intent. I thought about that for a minute. My action is driven by my intentions! If I intend to move beyond any present situation I will move. My actions, deepest desires and thoughts must be in alignment. In reading the book the Value in the Valley my answer came "when you have no intent, when you become stuck with where you are, or when our behaviour in in an inappropriate formula to escape the situation in which we find ourselves, it will be virtually impossible to find a solution" The law is exact, what you sow, you will reap and it depends heavily on your intent! What thoughts you put out, you will reap the returns, can't plant apples and expect grape...

I'm holding on to my freedom, Can't take it from me,I was born into it,It comes naturally, I'm strumming my own freedom, Playing the God in me, Representing his glory, Hope he's proud of me - Jill Scott, Golden Here's the thing that I learnt made me shift my perception is a radical way, nothing I do or think or wish is necessary to establish my worth. I am enough, pure and simple! There's no need to create a perfect me, the perfect me is the love within me. That was just a penny dropping moment for me right there! I am not what I thought I was. I am not my qualifications, my credentials,my resume, my house, my car, my marital status. I am not those things at all. What I learnt that I had to achieve all these things to be good enough so much so that I surrendered my power to those things and placed them above everything else. Fear and ego! So here I am free because I am learning that I am not all of those things, I am just me and my worth is not tied to an...

" There are only two emotions: love and fear. We can interpret fear as a call for love. All negativity derives from fear and fear is merely the absence of love" Marianne Williamson I have learnt that growth is never about focusing on someone else's lessons, but only on our own. As hard as it is to believe sometimes, we're always responsible for how we see things. As Maya Angelo says, as you learn, teach. I hope that some of my lessons can in some way resonate with you. This is my main reason for sharing. I know that you may not agree with everything I've learnt, take what you do and leave the rest! So, the question was posed to me by another one of the phenomenal women that have been put on my path. Do you make decisions out of love or out of fear? I had to sit with that for a moment. Ok, what do you mean I asked? Do you make decisions because you are afraid of what people would say, what they will think of you, of what you will lose? Wow!!! I do. Try making...

" Each individual has within himself the seeds of fear and faith, anger and love, anxiety and peace of mind,despair and hope. We are a strange mixture of good and evil, and as a result, we are inside ourselves, a battle ground " as outlined in The Supreme Philosophy of Man, Alfred A Montapert Iyanla sums this up best for me in her work, she says what you refuse to accept about other people is what you refuse to acknowledge about yourself. Yesterday I was arguing with reality and forgot that I learnt that when you argue with reality you suffer! Acceptance is something that I have more to learn about and it's really quite simple, acceptance does not mean liking the situation, it means you see it, you don't deny it and then you deal with it. I always have a choice, if you don't like the situation, make the choice to bless it and walk the hell on by! Why argue, fuss, fret and should about it? Don't really help does it. Ego and beliefs keep us in bondage. So ...

The Law of Nonresistance states: the wise ones will not fight the obstacles, but bless them and go on. As they go on with faith and assurance, they grow stronger. Their course becomes more direct, their understanding is of greather depth than the mighty ocean, their ultimate objective is not far from them. When I first came accross the Law of Nonresistance I said to myself, what on earth is the lesson here? the wise ones will not fight the obstacles, I really had to think about it for a good minute but then I should know by now when I ask something I am then put into a situation to either discover the meaning or practice it. This is exactly what happened yesterday! I had a wonderful day yesterday for the most part, I was involved in doing stuff that I love to do. There is a programme where students from the University come in and pitch their ideas and what they need to turn it into a viable enterprise, I am always happy to be on the panel, I learn so much. Their passion, determina...

Self Love doesn't require a crowd or a partner, a plan or a purpose. Some of the best loving is just being with you Iyanla Vanzant Here's the thing I learnt today people and it was a tough lesson - Own your stuff! What does that mean? It means to accepting responsibility, accepting the part that you play in the experiences that you have in your life. Now, don't get me wrong, this does not by any means mean tolerating bad behaviour. It means you owning up to the fact that you played a part in either the attraction or the response to it. It means to honor yourself and act like you know. When I was in East Africa in April, the women said to me, there are no victims here, to be a victim means that you are powerless and being powerless would suggest to yourself that you cannot move out of the situation that you are in with faith and self belief. How awesome is that for people who have been through civil wars to tell me that? total penny dropped moment. Self awareness i...

Material possessions will rust away, wear away or depreciate, but your inner resources, character must never depreciate - Elizabeth Dole My grandmother always say to me child you keep thinking you are in control.I would laugh and then something like an earthquake would come up on the T.V. and she would say can you stop that? I would still laugh and say Sheils (I call her Sheils) relax I am not even trying to control that! She says you try to control everything else but you are not in control of nothing but you!  I thought of Sheils when yesterday in my home country I saw scenes of unparalled destruction from floods and landslides, literally washing away some people's homes and possessions! No one in control here baby! My heart went out to the people who were affected by this. Then I started thinking about material possessions and how I totally identified with having them, don't get me wrong I love nice things and by no means I am trying to trivialise the enormity of...

Every thought you think, every word you speak is a form of prayer. Why? Thoughts and words are an expression of your life force . Iyanla Vanzant from her book Tapping the Power I couldn't get my head around that statement, thoughts are things, what you think about you bring about. I kept trying to make sense of that and then just as the Universal Law works when you put something out and you ask, consciously or unconsciously, you get an answer! I was thinking about on a regular basis that I really do NOT have a steady income and that's not really "normal" I was thinking about how I "gave it all up" to take this journey. It was a constant thought and guess what? Things started to reflect these thoughts, I started "not having" and boy oh boy that was a scary and powerless feeling. So after doing some reflection I said ok I get it, I have been thinking of lack and scarcity and they are now manifesting itself into reality. This thought thing now ma...

Surrender your thoughts, your anger, your fear, your resistance to not knowing, not being in control. Do not tell yourself you do not feel what you feel. Simply surrender it. The value of surrender is that you do all that you can do to the best of your abilities. When you get to that point, you let go. Know that the goal of the Universe is for your greatest good . Iyanla Vanzant I always wanted to know what is going to happen, many of the difficult decisions I made have not been difficult at all I made them so by going over and over and over the options. The other thing I was concerned with was what would people say or think. I was concerned with that big time. I have always had plans for my life, I wanted to be a qualified accountant by age 23, no matter what, I wanted a house on a hill in Port of Spain, to be married before age 24 and to have a huge library with books from the ceiling to the floor.  All of the above happened so I thought I had this life thing under control, ...

There is no shortage of opportunity. The more you make use of the opportunities, the more opportunities you make. Opportunity does not get used up, no matter how many people make use of it. When opportunity is followed and fulfilled, it expands. Problems create opportunities. And then the solutions to those problems create even more opportunities. Ralph Marston I'm always intrigued when I hear people say that there's nothing out there for them! I think to myself how in heaven's name can that ever be possible? I've learned on this journey to unlearn that. People tell me there's no job, no money, no breaks out there for them. Why would you ever ever think that is an option! That to me, is making a decision based in fear! There is no shortage of opportunity, make it, make one, if there's not an obvious one staring you in the face! Entrepreneurs make the opportunities, the people who live the life of their dreams go out there and do something, massive action...

Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. it's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere. - Barack Obama Earlier this year I was invited to Singapore to discuss innovative young entrepreneur programmes. I started a programme called NiNa in Trinidad and Tobago with the aim of developing an entrepreneurial culture in young women between the ages of 16 and 19. What the programme does is mix life skills with entrepreneurship skills. Life skills like persistence, learning from mistakes,developing a never say die mindset I believe, even if one never opens a business, can be used in all walks of life. So far, the programme is in it's second year and have had over 95 participants. I must adm...

Disconnect from negative thoughts and live – Marala Scott, author Simplicity for me is the essence of class! When things remain simple, it's easy to follow, easy to explain, a joy to share and learn. Everyone can get it. So why do we always have to make it so hard? It doesn't have to be hard! It really is very simple, we are all really the same the thing which separates us is distance, culture and our beliefs and these things are all manufactured. Travelling around the world has proven to me that we are all really quite similar. Everyone’s the same as everyone else. We just get caught up in labels, names, skin color and religion. Everyone’s the same as everyone else. And I've learned that once I recognise this it makes things so much simpler. So what did I learn today? Every time you bless another your bless yourself. Every time you blame another you lose your power. Every time you think you can, you can. Every time you fall you must get up and try again. Eve...

"Somehow the wires uncrossed, the tables have turned, never knew I had such a lesson to learn. I tidied up my point of view I got a new attitude" Patti Labelle, legendary singer On this journey, I have done stuff which I would never have thought that I would have done from the absolute crazy like bribing an African soldier to "get to cross the border" to the totally mundane like helping women sort corn seeds squatting on the ground. I have been blessed and priveledged to meet so many different people who have introduced me to many different cultures, ways of life, books, music and it has truly changed my point of view. I had this view that once you are a "good" person that bad will leave you alone! Talk about learning how to unlearn! What I have learned is that Bad is not going to pass you buy because you read self help books, own a string of prayer beads, know how to meditate and feed the poor! Get real! Bad is gonna show up, its up to you to show b...

Why are you afraid? What it’s gonna do? Scared that you may change? Isn’t that the truth? Who are you to say you’re not gonna win? How’d you ever know I if you just give in? Stand up! Natalie Stewart Poet I was asked to give a lecture to 45 French participants on Innovation, Creativity and Entrepreneurship. Totally outside my comfort zone and guess what? that's exactly where all the magic happens! ,I was looking forward to it and had to be there early to set up and be ready for my French adventure! The lecture was 2hours away by train and I booked a train which allowed me to get there about 30mins in advance. Guess what happened I missed the train! I was so mad at myself!! the next train would get me there 20mins after my lecture was about to begin!! What a way to start the French adventure so would my new adventure starts off really as an escapde? What's the lesson here I keep asking myself? Wake up earlier? I woke up really really early so come again. Then I r...

Act on it . Knowledge is power, and action is results. Start with something simple and build momentum. Decide and act. Take massive action. Have a bias for action. Take consistent action. Throw massive action at your problems.  If we’re smart, but don’t take action, we can end up smart and broke, smart and fat, or smart and alone. We need to take consistent actions and improve our results. Along those lines, it’s not enough to know what to do, you need to do what you know. Tony Robbins, author I'm always one to take action and many times the action have taken have resulted in loads of mistakes and me falling flat on my face, making people angry and people questioning my decisions. My actions haven't always been accurate, precise or correct but as Joyce says "Mistakes are the portal of discovery" but I would not have it any other way. There are many advantages to taking action, it breeds confidence and courage, you know for sure that you can do it, you ...

There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace. Cherie Carter Scott, author One of the things I have learned over the past few months is the importance of NOW! By that I mean being present in the moment, being HERE rather than there, wherever there is! One of the things that I have learned is that now is all I got because no one is promised tomorrow. Of course, many times these lessons come from either chatting with the women that I encounter or from experiences, the key to learning I realise is being present. A lot of times I have been going through the life unconscious, living randomly as one of the ladies rema...

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.” Marianne Williamson Marianne Williamson is one of my favourite authors you can probably tell by now, she breaks it down in a way that I can relate to and walks the talk!  Why? I think its because the ones who have experienced the ups and downs in life and have risen above it can testify! Gone are the days where its do as I say and the preaching without backing it up. Marianne is famous for her quote on "our deepest fear is that we are not inadequate it is that we are powerful beyond measure" Anyways, back to what I learned, I have had the great priveledge to meeting a number of outstanding, awesome women in my travels so far and they all teach me something maybe without even knowing it. It might be a question they ask me or something they say. I am having a conversation with one of them and she said honey, there's a differ...