What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Don’t let yourself be stopped by what might not even happen. Rather, let yourself be pushed forward by the positive value of what you intend to achieve, to experience, to create. Ralph Marston Yesterday at base there was a meeting to strategise and come up with plans for the rest of the year and before harvest! I sat quietly at first listening to everyone so that I can really get a good background and learn what the issues, challenges and tasks are.   Truth be told, I was feeling chuck full of fear, the what if’s and the not’s started raising their head! This is an incredibly awesome experience and challenge. I had to remind myself what you have learnt, feel the fear and do it anyway, do your best and you always have the power of choice. You see, when you are stretching, growing, learning there will always be some discomfort, that’s why it’s called moving out of your comfort zone, but I have learnt that it’s outside of your comfort zone that all the magic takes place.On...

When you set out on an ambitious path, there are plenty of things that might go wrong. Prepare yourself to deal with those possible pitfalls, but don’t allow them to become excuses even before they become reality. Ralph Marston Lots of action today, went for a morning jog, my word it was another adventure dodging people, motor bikes, maxi’s and people! Felt good to run in the heat though! Attended my first staff meeting, that was decent. Big plans for the year! Got some supplies for the power outages, next time I will be prepared, the power was gone all day today, I asked a guy when will the power be back he laughed so much at me! “Maam I cannot help you, it can be anytime” I started laughing too! I better get my head wrapped around this and fast! I keep seeing over and over again how people get by with so little, things that I have taken for granted, things I feel that I am entitled to, that are basic. It’s not like that here well at least where I have been. Got me to think...

I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me. I have accepted fear as part of life- specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown and I have gone ahead despite the pounding of my heart saying turn back turn back you’ll die if you venture too far   Erica Jong author and teacher   Today there was no electricity! I knew that this is a part of life here but since getting here I’ve been lucky and became complacent so I was so not ready for the power outage, literally!!! It was a tad bit scary to be quite honest because it was pitch black and I live alone! So I said ok you cannot control this outage, what you can do is control your response to it. You can be fearful and worry or choose not to be! I went to the Bamboo shed had my fill of football and then when I returned I went on the balcony, only to see the brightest moon and most beautiful stars, I stood there watching it thinking I haven’t done this possibly in years! What a beaut...

If I am quick to see danger lurking in those around me, and to question another's kind intentions, it is most likely because I am quick to question my own, and have not learned as yet to forgive myself. ACIM Today I took the plunge and cooked. I was right proud of myself, all went well and it goes to show feel the fear and do it anyway! So I’m walking around saying I did it, I cooked, they asked me what did you cook? When I told them, stunned silence then extended laughter! Ok Edwards, we will get someone to either give you cooking lessons or cook for you! I am determined now to leave the country with enhanced cooking skills! I went around looking for a place to watch the Arsenal game, I came up on the Bamboo nest, funny what happens when you want to make something happen no matter what! The Bamboo nest is a big bamboo shed. I approached the man at the entrance, I said I am looking for a place to watch a football game. He said well my friend you have found it.   I asked wh...

All things have been created by the joyful will of the infinite mystery; life is an experience of making choices about how you want to arrange things in your life. You can choose to arrange things in a fearful, egoic way, or you can choose to arrange things in a loving and joyful way. When you choose love and joy, you align with the greatest and highest good and begin to express your unique creative perspective while at the same time feeling a oneness with everyone else. This will leave you with a feeling of wholeness, joy, peace and gratitude. Jackson Kiddard, author   Food shopping is also an adventure and learning experience. Went to the Nkuma market – a vast expanse of dust and sand with people selling food and anything else even a bodah-bodah!(a motorbike used as a taxi)   The food is fresh, colourful and cheap. I’ve never seen anything like it yet! I’m still getting used to when I ask a price and they hit me with 3,000 dollars! Wha? Then I remember where I am! One o...

Everyone in your life plays an essential role in your development. Your challenge is to become mature enough to recognize and live by this truth. We cannot see the Divine purpose in a union that we CHOOSE to interpret negatively Caroline Myss author and teacher Kampala is busy bustling, heaving, there is always “dust and jam”. That’s how they call traffic. The roads are not tarmac so they are really dusty. There is a heavy security and police presence, even in the supermarket I see big guns everywhere! So far everyone is quite friendly. I’ve been in “dust and jam” galore today! So I have been assigned a host to help me settle in, very nice lady. On the first day I get into the apartment and go into the kitchen, shock and horror there is no microwave. I asked her, where is the microwave? She was in even more shock and horror than I was! She calls me Edwards, she says “Edwards, there is no microwave, you must cook”   Little did she know I’m better at eating than cooking. I said...

There is no need to be restless or anxious, concerned about whether I will make it or when I will make it. I will. That is all I need to know. It is accomplished already, and I can travel this illusory journey in peace knowing that in reality it is already over . ACIM Yesterday my mum told me that while she was pregnant with me that she read loads of books on Africa and was quite interested in its culture and she is not surprised that I ended up coming here on more than one occasion and deciding to stay for an extended time (Explains the African name too maybe??) I really learn something new every day. That’s just something random that I learnt that I thought I would share. I’ve travelled all over the world, I have been extremely blessed to have the privilege to see many countries and work with some awesome women however, there is a feeling that I cannot describe when I am here and the only other place that makes me feel better is being in Trinidad and Tobago! Its a soul ...

Challenges come so we can grow and be prepared for things we are not equipped to handle now. When we face our challenges with faith, prepared to learn, willing to make changes and if necessary, to let go, we are demanding our power be turned on . Iyanla Vanzant is an author, speaker and just ah boss!   Second day in Kampala! I arrived in Kampala two days ago and immediately upon entering the airport you feel the scorching heat! The airport, just as I remember, busy busy busy and hot hot hot! I collected my things and they were waiting to meet me on the outside. Still at least one hour’s drive to Kampala from Entebbe. I was driving into the unknown literally. I knew I had a place to stay but that’s about all   that I knew. I asked David, the driver, where are you taking me now. He says to Victoria Seeds office in Kampala and then you will get all your details. Ok then he don’t have a clue either! The drive was easy enough, “dust and jam” is all David was saying. Th...

If you don’t believe that you’re worthy of fulfilling your intentions for health, wealth or loving relationships then you are creating an obstacle that will inhibit the flow of creative energy into your daily life. Make an internal commitment to respect yourself and to feel worthy of all that the Universe has to offer. Dr Wayne Dyer, best selling author and motivational speaker So I'm spending the night in Dubai! Got here safely last night and will be leaving in the morning to fly onto Entebbe in Uganda! I headed to the airport after deciding that I would take the minimum amount of stuff to last me the time that I will be there! Well as it happened the airline said to me very impatiently upon check in that I will have to leave at least ten kilos behind and can only take my laptop onto the flight. Needless to say I am thinking ok, how do I respond positively to this situation? People around me were in the same situation it was almost like the airline's mission that day a...

Everything is out there waiting for you. All you have to do is walk up and declare yourself in. No need for permission. You just need courage to say, "Include me". Providing you have the energy to pull it off you can do what you like. And the Universal Law, being impartial, will be only too delighted to deliver." - Stuart Wilde , is a British writer best known for his works on metaphysics and consciousness. As the regular readers of my post will by now realise that I am a believer in the Universe and its provision of all that I need. People have many different names for it, I call it the Universe and for me it is limitless, boundless and works with and for everyone, no exceptions. One of the things that I have learnt is that the Universe doesn't censor what you say it just creates, whether you say something consciously or unconsciously it will create it! I have now become conscious of what I put out there taking responsibility for my words, my thoughts, my a...

Most people are so stuck in their egos that everything revolves around me, me  and more me. But if you want to be rich in the truest sense of the word, it can't only be about you. It has to include adding value to other people's lives . T. Harv Eker Best Selling Author My ego ran my life for a very long time (Now I am on the road to recovery!!!!!). I didn't realise it then but I have become very aware of it and I've learnt that awareness  is "I opening" I honestly thought it was me being ambitious but that was only a very small part of the drive. I was convinced that making it was the material things and I worked so hard to achieve them and did. And then when you ask the Universe what is your purpose here, new lessons emerge and one of them that I learnt is that I am here to serve, to make a difference, not just to ME! How do I know it was a ego trip and that I was being ruled by the negative ego? Easy! When you perceive life as a process of you against ...

Right now, and in every now-moment, you are either closing or opening. You are either stressfully waiting for something - more money, security, affection - or you are living from your deep heart, opening as the entire moment, and giving what you most deeply desire to give, without waiting." - David Deida , author and teacher. I am preparing for my next journey abroad, I have to get a few documents that are required and other items for the trip and I have found myself stressing about money more and more, particularly because of two reasons, I have always had money either through a regular salary or could have asked my husband for money if I didn't have. Because of the choice I made to be here those two outlets are no longer an option. I work, but payment is not always on a monthly basis and right now I have three months of monies waiting to come to me so its a whole new experience; but I have learnt that all things are lessons that Spirit would have me learn! I started thin...

Determination - do it for as long as it is required to get it done! Iyanla Vanzant Have you ever started something and moving along with it and things just started going in a way that is way left of base? someone says to you "why do you continue, why not do it tomorrow?" How do you react to that question? Yesterday I was conducting an on line training session and the Internet decided that it was tired and kept shutting down. I've learnt to do what I do for as long as it is required for it to be complete because no one ever promised me tomorrow, most people who know me have heard me say that I work with and in the now, because now is all I have for sure! In order to achieve your goals, tasks and dreams a very important quality is determination. There might be some casualties along the way but I've learnt this you can do anything and everything for a little while! Do it until it is done! So what did I learn today? I've learnt quite a few th...

" Death and Life are in the power of the tongue" Proverbs 18:21 What is your  life affirmation? An affirmation is a statement that declares to be true. I've learnt that every single thing we say is an affirmation and it can be positive or negative. Up to last year one of my affirmations, unconsciously, was "I don't know! I used to sing that like a soca song! But then being exposed to mentors, teachers, books and being conscious I have learnt that words have so much power! I was singing my soca song and it hit me straight in the face! You do know, act like you know! Keep saying you don't know for everything and you will continue not to know! When we speak, we may not realise that we are creating. If we say something enough times it will manifest! Pay attention and see if I am talking the truth! What I have learnt is that what we focus on and speak will become truth, it may not become reality but it will be our truth! My every thought is creative, I c...

How you think about a problem is more important that the problem itself- so always thing positively Believe it is possible to solve your problem. Tremendous things happen to the believer, so believe the answer will come and it will- Norman Vincent Peale best selling author of The Power of Positive Thinking Belief! That is all you need to do! That is just what she said to me! Believe my good friend! Don't ever ever doubt yourself! and if you do, make it fleeting and use it as a way to move forward. That is how I got to where I am I know it may sound simple but that's the truth and that's what I am telling you today! I was talking to one of my best mentors, a woman who has built a successful international business against all the odds! We were chatting  and I said to her how did you get from "there" to "here"! She said to me listen you alone know the dream in you and you must believe in yourself! It seems so simple but since I embraced that piece o...

The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Derek Walcott Poet and Writer Have you ever considered just being yourself? There is no need for you to be some kind of super-being in order to measure up to everyone else. Who you are is really quite enough! You know enough, you have enough to offer something valuable, whatever is going on. If you would simply show up, with your smile, your way of doing things and your way of being exactly who you are, you would recognize that who you are is just fine. So what did I learn today? All that is required for me to know that I am enough is to do everything in my power to believe it, trust it and demonstrate it! Do me, without pretense, defense or excuses. Peace!!!

We are taught to look for happiness in things and people. We are indoctrinated to seek peace in what we are doing, rather than in who we are! Most of us are trained to be dependent, irresponsible,expecting others to create our happiness. We live according to roles,as opposed to purpose. (from the book Tapping the Power Within) I love Tapping the Power Within, the truth in those pages speak to me especially on this journey! It proved to me that it is right on the money in an encounter I had yesterday. Taking the advice from my ladies I decided that I would open up a bit, feel the fear and do it anyway and walk the talk! I'm having a conversation with a newly found friend and I started getting anxious based on where the conversation was headed. Then it dawned on me, how on earth can we expect other people to to be responsible for our happiness, it really is quite irresponsible of me to give away my power like that. My happiness depends on me so if I am in situa...

We do not meet and become involved with people as the result of some random process. Each of us generates patterns of energy that attract particular people into our lives. Try to view your relationships as "spiritual messengers" bringing to you revelations about your strengths and weaknesses, and providing valuable lessons on your path to consciousness. Your challenge is to form and maintain relationships that support your development, to rescript unhealthy relationships, and to release those that limit growth. This is not about judging others; it's about honoring the lessons that relationships can teach you--having the courage to respond clearly to their lessons. Carolyn Myss author of Anatomy of the Spirit   I had a thought in my head that I would spend an extended period with myself by myself as a way of not just determining my patterns but truth be told I just was plain ole scared! I was scared of being thought of as weak and spineless by my friends  for putti...

Here is a very powerful insight: see everything that happens in your life as being for your best interest. Consider this: Anything that annoys you is for teaching you patience. Anyone who abandons you is for teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet. Anything that angers you is for teaching you forgiveness and compassion. Anything that has power over you is for teaching you how to take your power back. Anything you hate is for teaching you unconditional love. Anything you fear is for teaching you courage to overcome your fear. Anything you can't control is for teaching you how to let go and trust the universe . J. Kiddard French Author (one of my favourite authors!!!)   Today someone asked me how do I seem so quiet and then come and speak in front of sixty odd people, am I seem totally different. Do I not feel fear? Duh of course!!!!! I bloody well do! I have butterflies in my stomach for real! But I feel the fear and do it anyway! What's w...

Love lets in all the parts of our Self we are trying to keep out. Love destroys our illusion of separateness. Love understands that we are not this limited thing we believe we are, and that our brothers are parts of us; it constantly extends, giving and receiving, like a magnetic force drawing all the fragmented parts of the Self together again. ACIM Have you heard about walking your talk? Well I heard a variation of that today and the way "my teacher" put it is "taking it to the streets" You see, she said  child you have been through some things, been to some places and done some things that many people you know or some you don't even know yet, that need to hear it and tell  the story in an empowering way.  Listen, many people will think you are stark raving mad but that's OK! but listen to me take everything that you've gathered, learnt and seen and "take it to the street". In order to make it real in your life, in order for you to walk...

Get on with your own creative life. Ideas are free. They don't cost you a thing. You can live in the world of thought all the days of your life and never go broke. You will also die unfulfilled, because an idea that never incarnates, that never becomes physical and grounded in this world, will eventually feel like the most painful burden you ever had to carry - one that you can never put down. People who have had near death experiences report that there is indeed a life review that happens upon our death, and that a part of that life review is to make note of what could have been in our lives had we chose otherwise. Falling into that category are all the creative opportunities the universe provided for us that we let fall by the wayside because our fears carried more authority within us than our faith. Trust in the life support system that is inherent in your creative spirit. You will draw to yourself all that you need as you need it, but you must first be willing to risk...

Your mind is right now filled with old thoughts. Not only old thoughts, but mostly someone else’s old thoughts. It’s important now, it’s time now, to change your mind about some things. This is what evolution is all about. Neale Donald Walsch, Author of Conversations with God I started back my boxing training. I stopped it for a bit but decided to give it a good go before I leave. After a few three minute rounds my appetite is voracious! I was getting ready to leave the gym and I said to my sparring partner that I need to buy something to eat. He said why don't you try the pumpkin and sweet potato dish with the smoked fish. I responded immediately, yuk the smoked fish that looked like there was only salt and pepper added? He said yes, what's the problem with salt and pepper? I said that's not how we season fish or for a fact anything where I'm from that's nasty! Have you ever tried it? I said no I don't have to, its just not how we eat where I'm from. W...

Maybe too if you too would believe, you too might be overjoyed, over loved, over you! Stevie Wonder (one of the greatest singers and performers, period!) She asked "how much do you love and honor yourself?" I stopped for a moment then on the defensive said what sort of question is that? of course I love myself? She said I did  not ask if you loved yourself I asked how much do you love and honor yourself? hmmmmm how do you answer a question like that? I will never ever forget this statement "when you love and honor yourself EVERY SINGLE THING you do comes from that place" I thought about it for weeks. Then I understood it completely, if I loved and honor myself I would eat properly, I would exercise, I would be authentic, I would act and make decisions from love! Not from what people thought, not from fear, not from outside opinion, society, nothing else but from that place of unconditional love of me! So what did  I learn today? The destruction of self-worth ...

One shot to your heart without breaking your skin. Cause the words that come from your mouth You're the first to hear.  Speak words of beauty and you will be there.  No matter what anybody says .What matters the most is what you think of yourself . India. Arie from the song Get it Together One of the best things I have heard is whatever follows your I AM will come looking for you! Think about it, when you keep saying I am tired over and over don't you just continue to feel tired? Whatever leaves our mouth we hear it first and it manifests itself in your reality. So what's your I AM?  affirm it positively and let it come looking for you! So what did I learn today? Whatever follows your I AM comes looking for you! What you say comes right out of your mouth and comes back into your own ears and shapes your reality! I heard that and was reminded of that today! Look and listen to what you say! If you have nothing good to stay say silent. Silence will help you avoid...

As human beings we have a built in mechanism that doesn't want to be vulnerable, that doesn't want to look weak, that doesn't want to be wrong and says if I tell he truth about what I did or thought, it may make me wrong, make me look weak, it makes me vulnerable to criticisms and judgement and it means that I did something wrong and the ego doesn't like to be wrong, Ever!!! Iyanla Vanzant Brutally honest confession here I thought that once I was a good person, paid my taxes did some charity work and worked hard I would be immune to "bad" things . I thought I MADE IT but I made that up! Made it meaning, the house, the car, the qualifications , the lavish life! Life happens! I thought that I was immune! and I've learnt that you are not meant to fall apart when the challenges come! Reframe the issue, change how you look at it, learn the lessons, get the lesson and get out of the mess! Ego however comes in and says, listen you need to work harder, do be...

Power is at the root of the human experience. Our attitudes and beliefs--positive or negative--are all extensions of how we define and use power.' Caroline Myss I love Caroline Myss, she is one of my favourite teachers on this journey. She talks  about how we don't use the power that we all have, we literally hold on to "wounds" because it gives us something to talk about, something to get sympathy from other people and to try to prevent ourselves from getting "hurt" in the future because of fear. One of the things she says is to focus on when someone asks you a simple question as "How are you?" do you speak from your power or do you speak from your past or your pain? Why do we not want to speak from a place of power? it seems strange for a person to be asked how are you and you speak from the power that you possess. Think about it this way, your power which is your birthright, is money that you have or gain and when you speak from that oth...

When you don’t know how, take it upon yourself to learn. When you’re not sure what to do, work through your choices and your priorities until you’re able to aim your focus in a specific direction. Ralph Marston Today I conducted and Innovation and Entrepreneurship session and its always interesting to me that after them I seem to end up learning much more than I ever imagined! I often wonder hmm I sure hope that I am imparting knowledge just as much they are to me. It should seem normal to me by now but I am always fascinated at how much knowledge there is out there that floats around. Yet many times we feel we know so much and operate and make decisions with the limited knowledge that we have. Then we wonder why the results in our lives are so skewed or out of alignment! I've learnt that keeping an open mind is refreshing and to ask myself "what would you be without that thought?" Usually when I ask myself that question new choices emerge. Byron Katie in her work p...