What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless. -- Byron Katie ( another boss teacher!!) Acting normal everyday can be exhausting because it suggests that we are to live up to the requirements, expectations, the demands that somebody else set for you. And here’s the crazy part, we don’t even know who those people are! How about just being authentic?  How about just speaking your own truth and being a good listener when people share theirs?  How about letting people know what you need when you need it instead of getting mad when you don’t get it.  How about just being authentic? Showing up in the power, the beauty, the awesomeness that you are, not living down to anyone’s expectations, definitions, limitations, not trying to make ourselves better than anyone else?  Why not just be authentic? Just be YOU and share THAT with the world!  Cause trying to be normal can just be so exhausting! Just be YOU ...

I am convinced that I can change my mind and change my world - Rev Dr. Barbara King Your life is a reflection of you. Everything that is coming at you from out there is coming to show you where work is required on yourself. As you shake your head no and point at all the people you can blame for what is going on with you, you miss another divine opportunity to examine what is really on within you. Until you are willing to accept total and complete responsibility for every aspect of your life, your life will keep sending you experiences designed to get your attention. It can be difficult to acknowledge your role in the annoying little messes and great big disasters in your life. No one likes to take the blame Quite often we confuse accepting responsibility for bearing the blame. When you are the one to blame, it means you are somehow at fault - and must be punished. To avoid punishment, we look for someone else to put the blame on. In doing so we miss an opportunity for self-cor...

Being wrong is not the end of the world - Terry McMillan Have you ever been called out on your "stuff"? Most times we start getting defensive and annoyed and start making excuses and reasons, well let me say most time I would start to get defensive and annoyed and start making excuses and reasons, let me not speak on your behalf, you know what you do! And sometimes I may break out in a smirk or smile like oops, busted! When I was growing up, being wrong involved punishment, so as an adult as soon as I see it coming I go back there. Now no one taught me at the time that the world will not end if I did something wrong or made a mistake, that is wasn't that I was wrong or I was a mistake. Totally different thing! Ego tripping shifts us to the fact that we don't want to be wrong, or look bad. Learn from it and move on! It really is not the end of the world, life goes on. Yup, simple as that! Peace!

FIRST you commit to something that lights you up, pulls you forward, truly inspires you — the career, a relationship, a project (and  YOU can be that improvement project , by the way.) And then it’s so much easier to embrace the heavy lifting required. When you’re doing the hard work in the context of joy and commitment, you tend to bitch way less about doing what it takes. So! Joy first, then the sweat is a pleasure . Danielle La Porte One of my prayers on the journey is to go for the joy and not do projects or jobs only for the money. I have learnt that when I do things only for the money it makes me feel yucky, it sends a signal to the Universe that I am in fear and doubt. I can slip into the yuk pretty easily, especially now as I am working for myself!  The thing I've learnt is go hard, all in, get the lessons and adjust as you go. The choice of doing something other than for your vision, goals, health, objectives will leave one frustrated, ill and angry. Of course y...

Love wishes to be known completely understood and shared. It has no secrets; nothing that it would keep apart and hide. It walks in sunlight, open-eyed and calm, in smiling welcome and in sincerity so simple and so obvious it cannot be misunderstood.  Love has no darkened temples where mysteries are kept obscure and hidden from the sun. It does not seek for power, but for relationships . ACIM On a rainy Manchester afternoon (that actually was the norm) so maybe I ought to say on a normal Manchester afternoon, I was having a coffee with my professor. As part of my programme we had to meet once a week to discuss my progress and keep on top of my thesis. I looked forward to these chats, I take my life lessons from anywhere, you may know this by now. As we were taking she asked me if I loved working with women or loved the work I am doing on my programme. I hesitated on the second one. After the shop talk, we started talking about relationships and as academics do she wanted to ...

Wellness and the state of being healthy becomes a personal goal maintained by personal mantras and fuelled by personal beliefs. And I for one don’t have a problem with that. In fact, I may possibly prefer it, as this wellness is a self determined wellness. This is a state of being healthy that is beyond trend and fad and buzzword. This wellness is self aligning and ancestrally defining. It is the product of an implosion of internal interactions, initiating inner-standing and self centering communication. Mummy always said, if you can’t hear, then you must feel. And this is the truth. If one cannot listen to the messages of the mind, body and soul, then one will simply have to feel what it is, that is attempting to be communicated. Natalie Stewart One of my favorite ladies, Lisa, said last year that it was time for her to be healthy, and she was committed to it. Now Lisa to me was healthy, she had gained some weight but she was carrying it well! But what she sai...

Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something enough. They just aren’t aware of what it is they want, or rather, what they want “enough.” If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.    Mark Manson Simple question What do you really want? Another simple question What do you really  really want? One more simple question What is it do you really really really want? We love comfort, or maybe it is that we prefer to avoid pain. Who likes pain? Pain hurts!  It's uncomfortable as hell! But the thing is, growing pains, yea those, they hurt. Birthing something new it hurts or involves some level of discomfort, that is just how it is, so what do we do? Avoid pa...

If we believe that our happiness lies in another person's behavior, we are going to be sorely disappointed. There is not a human being on this planet that can make you or me happy. If they could, we would be their slave because we would have also given them the power to withdraw our happiness at any moment. Relationships are a learning experience. Our goal is to have harmonious and loving relationships with ourselves. Ruth Clotworthy We had lunch at one of "our" favorite spots. They knew us as a young ambitious couple, when we walked in the spot hugs and kisses passed with the hosts, they knew the table we liked, it was made ready.  We came in separate cars, why? because we were separated, living separate lives yet pretending that we were still the married happy loving ambitious couple. As we sat down, my insides were churning, is this the day  my happiness returns?  We sat and talked about the past, how we are a team and we can do anything together, t...

Are you afraid to face the darkness of something new?  Do you want to know everything right now and be able to see what is before you? Well just imagine if the Creator had waited for a model to shape the world. Who? What? Where would you be today? When facing something new surrender the desire to be in control, have faith. (from the book Acts of Faith) The passage above, I read that this morning, I was sitting outside on my porch eating a mango and reading and randomly (ok ok not random, there is no random!!) let me rephrase, I did not specifically chose this to read out of logic. I picked up the book and opened it and there it was. Exactly what I needed to read at this point. Why? I have been thinking, well overthinking really about a launching a service and it's been beating me up! no amount of boxing training has been helping me to win this fight. I want to know I want to know I want to know how will it be? Will it work? Will I work it out? well let me declare, t...

For all the times you were quiet about deception and disrespect, quiet about the life force that was being syphoned from your generous nature.   Speak your power into fullness.   … I call all of my power back to me now. I am whole and complete. Danielle La Porte Power- what does that mean to you? The word is bandied about a whole lot, power trip, power struggle, power cut, power hungry and many of the add on's have an edge to it that suggests a fight or a battle.  Power for me is personal, yea I said it, I have my own personal power, I was born with it! and so were you! Each and every one of us. Some choose to use it and some choose not to, some are unaware that they have it and some just don't give a damn.  My personal power is how I am willing to be, what I am willing to do to preserve and  enhance my dignity, self esteem and integrity! I learnt that working in Uganda! Some might say that I learnt it a tad bit too late! but I digress Person...

You know how to do it, too. And your intellect may be the last thing to catch on. Have faith. Have courage. Keep breathing. And simply know that you’re programmed for new beginnings.   Dr Christianne Northrup Over the past couple of weeks a number of people have asked me what are my top lessons on the journey. As I was driving home today from running an errand for my grandmother I thought about it, the top lessons. Having conversations with the elders somehow triggers these thoughts, I was chatting about my grand mum about giving and receiving and she told me that I must work on learning how to receive, it does not show that you are weak. So my thoughts ran onto what's my top ten lessons thus far 1. This too shall pass- nothing lasts forever, absolutely nothing and no-thing! 2. Do not take anything personally - most times it is not about you at all, people do what they do and you have no control over it, you only have control over you and your response 3. Be grateful ...

You are being held accountable because you are divine! You may have allowed yourself to believe that you are average or usual, you are not You are divine! Iyanla Vanzant What is your definition of success? Do you even have one? If you do what is it based on? External validation? Internal peace? I believe there is no right or wrong it depends on you and your beliefs and values, what I do believe though is that waiting for someone else to tell you that you are successful may bring some challenges, because you constantly have to prove to the external party that you are living up to their standards. You are now living by someone else's set of rules. Setting your own high standards and living up to them brings a level of accountability to yourself that is unsurpassed! You live by your own rules. For me, the penny dropped yesterday there will be no more excuses, rationales and reasons for not shining! My definition of success is grounded in truth, it is a process of accountabi...

Our only job when the distractions come, and come they will, is to keep a laser focus on that which we desire. We must move toward that desire with a ferocious love and let absolutely nothing turn us away. Obstacles and trials will come Who will you be in the face if it? C andace Ifama Barnes ·          Allow me to accept that sometimes I will not make the best choices and decisions and to remember I can always choose again. ·          Allow me to accept that what I thought I had learned may need to circle around again until I actually understand the learning. ·          Allow me to accept everything just as it is right now, even the darkness. ·          Allow me to accept and release with love all that doesn’t serve me now so I can make way for the new. ·    ...

"So this time I can apply all that I've learnt. Knowledge that I can observe with an open hand. The ancestors whisper to me, with everything you know now, what would you do differently? With everything you know, what will you do? " Natalie Stewart (one of my fav poets) "When you know, or when you have learnt, your behavior will change, until then, you haven't learnt nor do you know so don't tell me that you know because when you know you act like you know" I have heard this a few times on my journey and I would just smile and say "ok ok, I heard ya" Now it is making more sense to me because when you find yourself repeating the old patters, in the same circumstances over and over again and you keep saying "Yes I know I need to ......" it really signals that you seriously don't know or haven't fully grasped that hey, this behavior is not getting me to my goals, not healthy, not leading to my highest self, and so on and so for...

Life is not going to come down there and sprinkle glitter dust on your shoulders to let you know that you are Good...or that you are walking the Right Path...or that you are making the Best Decision.   Take the next step. Right now. Stop waiting for a "sign" from the "gods." Your sign is your intuition, wrapped in your desire. Neale Donald Walsh Confessions on the journey. I am having a moment, allow me please? As we say around these parts "Low mih, low mih" (allow me please), I am getting a bit weary of people who come around me with excuses about why they haven't done "it yet" What else do you want again? You got the gift, downloaded directly to you, you were born with it You got the health and strength You got the time You got the fire burning in your belly Hello, what else do you want? You are now sick and unhealthy You are now frustrated You are now living from paycheck to paycheck You are now pissing off...

While there's a time and place for self-improvement, today's focus is on every-thing that's already great about you. Let go of who you think you should be and fall madly in love with who you are in this moment. When you accept yourself exactly as you are, you shift from living for tomorrow to appreciating today . Kris Carr Do better Earn more Train harder Make better choices Make more money Do more gigs Get more qualifications Find a partner Eat better Exercise more You look like you are gaining weight OMG a grey hair! Pimples on my face?? What? My belly feels big What happened with this guy? I must find out what I must do better or what I need to improve on, why has he suddenly gone quiet and not getting in touch? You have not cleaned the house and on and on till the break of dawn It's been a never ending spiral in my head, all week! Self talk and more self, the monkey mind! So today, it is accept myself day, what's great about me is the self ...

We try something new And if we yet to be Try something new Yet to be companion Try something new This Love We must do this peace Try something new In strength Try something new In confidence Try something new In power Try something new Pure energy Try something new Pure energy Try something new Natalie Stewart( one of my favorite poets ever!) Coming back on the flight I'm sitting minding my own business, my ritual has always been to be completely quiet when I am flying I don't talk to a soul! I read, sleep, write or think. So many of my ideas come when I am flying. So I settle into my seat and get ready for my usual. The guy sitting next to me starts talking. Oh boy, I thought, he is going to have to shut up soon because my ritual is about to begin! The guy then starts wincing and writhing around in his seat and was looking like he was about to scream. I am thinking this is going to be an interesting journey! Then he says I am so terrified of flying, I cann...

Love shows up in so many ways - Madonna Badger When you open yourself up to possibilities magic happens, when there is flexibility in your approach, magic happens, when you can see another way of making it work, fireworks go off! I used to get stuck, starting with reasons why something may not work out as I wanted it to Of course I did, there are so many ways that things can go haywire right?  And that, my friends made me so stressed! Like grinding my teeth stressed! I was forced into flexibility and oh how magical it is! We don't know everything, yip, I said it, we don't! And that is why there are internal guides, our intuition, the little things that happen along the way that points us in a direction that most times makes absolutely no sense! But they all lead to "that place" When I decided to move to Manchester, it was illogical to me but I felt it was something that I absolutely had to do, I had no clue what I was in for and that was just the door being op...

When you’re cut off from your emotions, they often manifest in your body Dr Christiane Northrup I think one of the best lessons I have had is "Akosua, feel it, feel it all, everything"  I  now know that feelings are a guide, a great source of information, inspiration and guidance. Running from them, numbing them, dismissing them will keep them coming back and the whispers will then become shouts which you cannot ignore through illness, depression, and many other symptoms. Humans want to avoid pain, or what we think will cause pain, we want to avoid discomfort, uncomfortable situations and feelings, this is par for the course!  Feel it, let it pass through you, it's really ok! Ask your feelings before you take a pill, a drink, a partner, a pull, a shot What are you trying to tell me? What am I missing? What is it I need to pay attention to? Where do I need to slow down or speed up? Who do I need to forgive? Then wait and liste...

There is never the end. There is never the last word, the last poem, the last song, the last song has not been written. The last anything has not been done, this life is constantly moving, constantly and beware, be very aware of anything that  tries to put a ceiling on it, a ceiling on you and says that this is it. Deborah  Johnson The end! Endings become beginnings, what is really the end?  Most times it is in how we view and perceive a situation. Things change, things move, things happen when they are to happen and there is nothing that you or I can do to move things along. But we spend time stressing, worrying, hoping, that we can move things along faster, that we can harvest our crops before its due and ready! Chill out! there is no need to stress, no absolute need for you to know if you are doing the right thing in the right time. It will happen and if it doesn't you will continue to find yourself in a situation that will provide you with the opportunity over ...

don't try to "figure it out." Stop it. Just focus on what you now wish to create. Keep moving forward. There's nothing behind you that can possibly serve you better than your highest thoughts about tomorrow. Neale Donald Walsh    I was told that there are 32 islands off the main island and before I leave I ought to go visit one of them! No one had to tell me twice today I hopped on the ferry and went to one of them called Bequia. I must admit I did not prepare, I had a free half day and I thought here we go, now is all I have!  When I got there I was like hmm Prepare for what? Show up and magic happens! I spent a day on the island of Bequia I saw the entire island in one day,6000 population and pretty as ever, ate some fresh fish at the beach, sat and watched boats, watched  people and marveled at the beauty of the place and grateful for the opportunity to see somewhere new! Ok so here's the lesson, I am on the island, enjoying the vibes and then these ...

"It’s hard to get what you never ask for.” Cheryl Forde Day 4 in SVG, quick highlights and why I am proud of me: 1. The electricity went at the place I was staying, I didn't bat an eyelid- oh well! Sleep will be early! it came back in an hour. 2. My ride to the Diamond Village Council Meeting which was scheduled for 3 never came and had to be rearranged as the people were waiting for me, eventually I got there at 5 and I didn't bat an eyelid 3. Had to walk home from the Ministry meeting - more taxi woes - didn't bat an eyelid OMG this making friends with reality is awesome! My eyelids remain in tact! So what kicked me was when I the power returned, no wifi, I started screaming! LOL! 3 out of 4 ain't bad I said to myself!! Off to Bequia Island tomorrow I am so excited! Peace!!

trade perfectionism for progress. Mastin Kipp The best part of my work is seeing how people use what they have to create what they want, it is for me a testimony that most times we stay stuck or don't move because we are either not uncomfortable enough or that we are trapped in fear! I get to see and experience with my own eyes people who have decided that for whatever reason their life is more than sitting and complaining or wishing that things get better without taking some sore of responsibility for making it happen! And my prayer each day is to use the lesson that I learn from these experiences in my own life, to move ahead despite feeling so fearful, to stop moaning and complaining and to make small steps towards progress, to also share my stories in an empowering way. So I am here in SVG and there are many examples of this, the fall of the banana industry and the reduction of tourism has had quite a negative impact on the economy and by extension the jobs, and emp...

“Pull up a chair. Take a taste. Come join us. Life is so endlessly delicious.”  ―  Ruth Reichl I was tempted by the food! I had just finished eating a huge plate of grilled fish and they come out with a bowl big like the island steaming and smelling good! What's this?  It's for you to get strong!  I kept saying , no, no thanks, I'm good. Ha!  seems like I was speaking a different language. Inside the bowl was fish, ground provisions, ochros, vegetables, corn meal dumplings and it seems another thing they could have found in the kitchen! OMG the thing is addictive! Tasted divine and then I couldn't move too full up with all the good stuff! Welcome to SVG!!! Food made with love is a joy! Having a good meal is like a prayer! I must admit I struggle with the food thing, apart from fruits, I don't really bother too much about anything else, I love watermelon, I eat it everyday wherever I am in the world. Food, days can pass and I would be eating bread or ...

before you think, do, or say anything -- imagine what it would be like to receive what you are sending. Then, go one step further. Decide ahead of time what you would like to receive...and then send it. Florence Scovel Shinn I'm flying to St Vincent today, a lovely island in the Caribbean, the first place I saw black sand beaches! This trip has been postponed many times but I have learnt everything is in time, and on time all the time even though I may think or want it differently! So what will I be doing in St Vincent? I will be meeting and working with four rural community groups to assist in developing their rural businesses that was set up to improve, enhance and uplift their community particularly after their series of natural disasters over the last couple of years, that's about it in a nutshell, oh and I will also be taking in the sights on my one day off! Holla at ya on the other side Peace!!

In novels — as in life — there is no perfection. We do the best we can with the tools we have at our disposal. Given that we are changing, the tools are changing, the thing itself is changing — there must be a moment when we stop. When we say, This is the best I can do for now… There is nobility in the effort, courage in the dailiness — the   doggedness. It is a process of trying and failing. Of beginning again . Dani Shapiro I had the distinct privilege to be asked to do a feature presentation for the Pink Diamond Ladies of Tobago, a group of young dynamic women doing some awesome awesome work out there in the lovely island of Tobago with young women like themselves! It was such a pleasure being there yesterday, firstly Tobago is a pearl, what a lovely island, I always feel so relaxed when I touch down and walk off the plane with the  coconut trees surrounding me and the beach breeze blowing as the beach is opposite the airport The ladies wanted me to talk about what it...