What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Give, unrestrained. Assume nothing Danielle La Porte NiNa Graduation happened yesterday, I smiled so much my jaws are paining! I played very little part in the planning of the graduation I showed up and assumed nothing NiNa is a program that I started at a point in my life where I thought it was all over, I decided after reading something somewhere that in order to forget about your own issues, get involved in doing something positive for someone else, I also had this dream for a while but had no clue on how to make it happen The Universe said yes as soon as I did and the programme started in my old high school as an after school programme and now in it's 5th year it has grown from strength to strength  The participants this year were exceptional, every year they are quite good, this year however, these young ladies were so so willing, open minded and extremely ambitious. it showed up in their presentations and yesterday at the gr...

What Did I Learn Today? There's no better feeling than doing what you say -Accomplishment And I suppose that starts by saying what you mean And meaning what you articulate And believing in what you think And thinking about what you dream and action, doing it Today, I smiled a whole lot, and what has me still smiling maybe even more than reading at the Bocas Lit Festival is meeting Kesha James today at the YWCA and presenting two books to her. I never met Kesha James, she came to an event I spoke at and the head of the YWCA contacted me over Facebook saying that Kesha was quite moved by the talk and started making forward movement to taking responsibilty for her goals and vision for the first time. She asked me if I can come by and drop off the books to Kesha. I had a full day at Bocas Lit so I told her that I will really make a big effort but cannot promise as I am not sure when I would be finished. I finished early and called the YWCA, and headed over to deliver the book...

 You get stuck in thinking about what you should feel rather than acknowledging what you actually do feel. You are left with needs that do not go away and that you are unable to fulfill. This leads you to believe that you are not safe in the world, that you make bad choices, that you cannot have what you desire and that your best efforts will never be good enough .  Iyanla OMG  how many times have I told myself no I don't feel that I should be feeling "this" - does anyone know what I am talking about? Your feeling is up in your face shouting at you, sometimes slapping you but you push it away and convince yourself that you should be feeling something else The feeling is buried alive, it doesn't go away, it manifests itself in so many other ways including affecting your health This I know for sure Feel the feelings The discomfort is temporary Not feeling the feelings will not change the reality of what happened, it will not change the past what it will do is h...

Dreams don't happen because you're busy.  They happen because you're intentional. Because you've made space to move the right things forward- Maxie McCoy It's been a month of lessons, my friend told me last night that when I talk of lessons it is usually challenges, not joy, and yea traditionally when I reflect that is true what she said about how I speak of the challenges.  Life happens, it just does, this month has been one of the months where the challenges came in like a tide, the beauty is the tide goes back out after washing things away and this is and was the case so I wanted to share my top fifteen lessons for this month Overthinking can be a form of fearful avoidance. Few people have "eureka" moments by strenuously over analysing. Stop waiting for life to begin or change. Do it now. We all want instant results. But only the Lotto, Disney and The X Factor promise that. Amazing things take time. We are all scared. It's not o...

When we find ourselves offended by the choices of others we are not in alignment with the diversity of creation, nor are we in alignment with the highest good of our own free will choices. This is called ego projection - where we criticize the behaviors of others because we are not being observant of the behaviors within our SELF.  Sabrina Reber Pay attention when you are criticizing. Pay attention to when you are constantly doing it. Pay attention That is a lesson I learnt on my journey - constant complaining and criticizing meant that my life was trying to communicate with me - to pay attention to ME! catch that - my life was calling me to pay attention to ME, what I was doing, what I was not doing, what I was accepting, the bad behavior I was condoning, the things I was not saying, the complaining about other people was a way to project outward my own dissatisfaction and fear. And so I pay attention to what I say and how I say it Sometimes I slip up but practice helps and...

Show up for where you’ve been led.  be consistent. Happiness isn’t for dabblers Gabby Bernstein I am a fan of consistency- my definition of which is quite simple - do something every day in the direction of a clear vision, however small. Now that requires two main ingredients, a vision and belief in the vision - clarity. What do you want? What do you really really want? Is it clearly defined? You don't even have to know how you will achieve it, all that is required to move is the belief  and that being consistent in your actions will propel you towards it. When I was in University I decided that no matter how small I would do something everyday to get me to my vision of having a degree from this institution, whatever it was. Everyday. I believed and I moved Some days I may do 15 minutes but I did something. It was a decision. A very conscious decision. And so, I was reminded of consistency this weekend, have I been consistent in my actions, hell am I ev...

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can't base our own worthiness on others' approval (and this is coming from someone who spent years trying to please everyone!). Only when we believe, deep down, that we  are  enough can we say "Enough!"   Brene Brown How do you set boundaries? Do you have boundaries? Do you know what boundaries are? How can I set boundaries? These are questions that surfaced in my pool yesterday Why? I believe it did because of my deep desire to keep the peace, people please, and avoid confrontation. This week working with a team showed me that I must choose courage over comfort and set some boundaries for myself - and that involves me knowing without a shadow of a doubt what I want, what is okay for me and knowing that whatever the outcome of letting people know this I will be okay Pretty sobering thoughts right there Onwards to setting boundaries.... Peace!

Personal Power - it is the source of influence and authority in every aspect of your life and your ability to exercise that influence consistently and constructively - Iyanla Vanzant Today at the NiNa  -  a young women entrepreneurship programme that I developed and work with in schools - I sat listening to the 15 young ladies present their business models to a panel of three judges (who by the way rocked today thank you so much to Helen Tonia and Tisha) I felt so happy, contented and full of joy You see, the journey to here was one that started with 15 young ladies who did not even contemplate that they would find, present and enjoy this moment- and here we were, six weeks later full of confidence- those ladies SHOWED UP! they showed up- magical things happen when we show up And even if none of them ever go into business I pray that they remember the day that they showed up proud, ready and open! Peace

Take a risk and push yourself beyond what you know - Iyanla Vanzant How boring would life be if I knew everything? If there were no new discoveries on my journey? I love learning new things, going to new places, I feel a real sense of joy when I have a penny dropping moment or someone shows me a new way of doing something or I read something for the first time. Curiosity won't kill this cat! Sometimes however, the new thing is uncomfortable and seemingly risky, it brings up things stored inside that have been buried consciously or unconsciously. This is where we choose to push back and stay in the familiar comfortable place even if it is not contributing to our growth development or evolution. Just because it is familiar. Today I was having a conversation with a friend - my perspective was ok what's going on, I believe I am doing the "right" thing so why am I feeling stuck and confused? why is there push back? And she said to me - "you have your way of ha...

The big life…one that changes your life and others…is anything but normal and everything other than average. It’s cultivated in that truly uncomfortable space of finally letting go of things without rushing to grab something else. Maxie McCoy I was reading, as I do on mornings as part of my rituals to be a positive person for the day, and what struck me  on the passage was a line where the question was - are you always trying to fill a space, rather than getting still, waiting for the answer? Or do you just find a filler?  So you want a particular job - you take anything to fill the space rather than either asking for what you want or do you settle? Do you just get into a relationship to avoid being alone? Settling again? What is your fear in getting still, asking for what you want, waiting and maintaining your standards? Man that shit is scary, I must admit! the fear of losing, the perception that something is better than nothing And I have learnt that  t...

Ready to address that which she had attempted to avoid Ready to embrace that which she had attempted to deny She placed all other distractions aside And finally committed to her relationship with herself Natalie Stewart Readiness - the definition of readiness is willingness to do something Are you willing? - free from reluctance? That is all it takes I have learnt- the mind shift that says I am no longer reluctant to do this new thing, this different thing no matter what I am no longer reluctant, I am ready. To do something different takes a change of mind, a feeling of belief and ACTION, dare to believe I have been having some serious challenges with abundance and I learnt the lesson The whole abundance and manifestation thing I had it backward I was searching outside of myself, I thought, ok if I get these things, these symbols it would give me permission to feel abundant I believed that I needed to have the thing to be it And so I was c...

The universe brings to us other people who show us who and what we are. If we do not understand what is really going on or recognize the lessons we must learn, we mistake our own issues as the shortcomings of others . Iyanla Vanzant How can we tell the difference between when we are learning and teaching?  How can we tell the difference between a mirror and an illusion? How can we tell the difference between learning to be still and being stagnant? How can we tell the difference between being defensive and setting boundaries? Truth be told I have been asking myself these questions over the last few months I think I am at the point where I can say that getting still feels peaceful and even more than that, everything is useful I am still figuring the rest out.  Any ideas any of you wish to share? Peace

My heart will soar With love that's rare and real My smiling face will feel every cloud Then higher still beyond the blue until I know I can like any man reach out my hand And touch the face of God Did I tell you that  everything here is fine..... in my mind Al Jarreau I listen to this song  almost every morning  and sing it loud too "Did I tell you that everything is just fine here in my mind, searching high and low and now at last I know" Oh man, it absolutely raises my spirit "I was shaking but now I am doing just fine.... here in my mind" I take responsibility for what I am feeling, what energy I bring to the table, to the room because everything is just fine .... in MY mind Who's mind? Mine! because all I have responsibility is for my own self! just thought  I would share one of my rituals on the journey What are some of your rituals? Peace

There is a pivotal moment in every circumstance, where change is palpable. Where you just know that things will never be the same There comes a time when enough is enough, when you are at a point of no return, when you just know that this is it, no turning back! When you know that you know that you know What happens when you chicken out as you reach to that point? What do you do?  The thing is, when you discover and know the truth you cannot undo finding out and knowing the truth. Acting like you don't know sets you up for pressure, as we say here, and heartache and even illness. You cannot go back into a state of not knowing. I know when it  is time for me to make a move, I know, I truly do and saying I don't know is no longer a part of my vocabulary when I know but I don't want to act, even if I don't know my new mantra is "I will figure it out" Fear is a hell of a hold! I get scared, I mean  scared like a bat in the light  - feel the fear and do ...

Patience is natural to those who trust. Sure of the ultimate interpretation of all things in time, no outcome already seen or yet to come can cause them fear . ACIM I used to tell myself to be patient I would say “your time is coming, blessings are on the way” This mind-set kept me envying other people’s turns and overlooking today in favour of some tomorrow. Patience is important but it’s more than simply waiting for results, resolutions, blessings or anything else. It’s about seeing the goodness right in front of you and being grateful in the moment.  Even when you are working hard + stretching yourself to fulfil your dream. Be patient by embracing the journey for growth + the love Not for bragging rights or proof of your worth Be willing to experience everything your journey has to offer and don’t try to skip lessons that life brings you Without patience you are always unsatisfied, focused on lack, waiting for the next thing Without patience you spend your...

Cause just like a tree planted - planted by the rivers of water That bringeth forth fruits - bringeth forth fruits in due season; Everything in life got its purpose, Find its reason in every season, Forever, yeah! (the absolute legend BoB Marley) Nothing is random, nothing and no one is random, no one The dots are all connected and the experiences all matter for a lesson, some lesson The free will that we have is just that- free will to choose how we respond to the signs of life We make choices there are consequences The great philosopher Lauren Hill says "consequence is no coincidence" cause and effect and all that It really is just that simple. I met a lady last year in a store, she just came from the gym, she usually never go to that store, this was my first time at the store, a friend introduced us and little did I know that so called "random" meeting would lead me to having the support to realize one of my dreams. She was on the committee for a Li...

Stay close to those who are not afraid to be vulnerable, because they have confidence in themselves and know that, at some point in our lives, we all stumble; they do not interpret this as a sign of weakness, but of humanity. Avoid those who seek friends in order to maintain a certain social status or to open doors they would not otherwise be able to approach. Paul Coehlo In my house growing up we had to be "strong" crying was a sign of weakness, when I burst out in tears I would hear "Let me give you something to cry for" which may be followed with a pinch or maybe two "hard slap". Crying then would now be totally out of the question then for who wants another pinch or "hard slap"? Not me no sireeeee And so showing any sign of so called weakness was never a feature in my make up. Crying? hell naw no chance, weakness? no I fix things and I am strong! That had its advantages on many occasions however when the proverbial shit hit the fan, a...

I let the pain soften me. I let the joy soften me. I let the desire soften me. Danielle La Porte Top seven  things I would not change if I had to do it again 1.  Listen to my intuition and moved to East Africa and lived in Uganda - reintroduced myself to myself with love, honor and joy 2. Got divorced 3. Being fired from my so called dream job - it sucked me dry, doubted myself and gave away all my power - hello self love and self employment 4. Eating meat - never looked back - saw the light - light belly, light feeling 5. Told the guy I liked that I liked him - didn't end "happy" for me and we don't chat much or maybe not at all anymore but found my courage and learned that knowing the truth will not kill me just hurt a bit. 6. I asked for help, I accepted help and didn't dwell on asking for help or accepting meant that I am a loser - I learnt that I have a tribe of love. 7. Shared my story to the world - freedom reloaded! Pea...

You know you ought to slow down. You been working too hard and that's a fact Sit back and relax a while Take some time to laugh and smile Lay your heavy load down So we can stop and kick back It seems we never take the time to do All the things we want to, yeah Now, baby we can do it Take the time, do it right We can do it, baby (Take your time SOS Band) My cousin and I loved this song! We would hear my aunt playing it when we were younger and she would be doing all the disco moves. We would peep into the room and see her boogie-ing away. After we would sing it with the brush as a microphone and try to do the disco moves, from back then I knew dancing and signing were two gifts that were not under my tree but I persevered! As we got older the song took on a different meaning to us when we sang it, we can do it baby was our rallying cry to do what we needed to do, to be large and in charge, to do it right, to take our time and get it! I heard the song last night and it brou...

Try to realise and truly realise, that what stands between you and a different life are matters of responsible choice Sabrina Reber This truth thing, my word, the whole concept of the truth hurts - yea sometimes it really does when we are locked into a cage of denial and especially when our minds are closed ,we are unwilling and we take things personally. This has been my own experience. Choices - oh choices! the best thing, we as humans have, is free will, the ability to chose, and with choice comes consequences. And even more awesome, we get to choose over and over again. What we get upset about is when someone else makes us out and say to us - it's because of your choice that you are where you are - and let me give you an example You have been eating poorly - consistently- and now you are unwell or probably even overweight - who made the choice to eat poorly? You! You are stuck in a relationship that you do not want but made the choice to stay because of the children, ...

The minute you learn to love yourself you wouldn’t want to be anyone else Rihanna Last Sunday I was invited to spend the day with the students of the University of The Southern Caribbean(USC) undergraduate students who had the opportunity to interact with different types of practitioners ranging from entrepreneurs and advocates for entrepreneurs. The students were able to ask us questions and break bread with us.  And what was the theme running through? Live true, Be You!, Do what you do do best, trust yourself! Greatness according to Micheal Beckwith is being the best YOU! Simple Are you ready to be great? Are you willing? Peace

I can’t help you. Not really. I can only show up with a bright heart and hope that I get you at the right micro-moment with the perfect dose of light that helps you see what you already know . Danielle La Porte You already know it, you do! Trust me, you do, you really really do You know that the job is sucking you dry and that it is not on the road to you fulfilling your purpose You know that you must not be sleeping with him or her, much less have a "relationship" with him or her You know that that the extra chocolate bar you just ate was really extra extra extra You know that you ought to be eating more balanced and exercising your butt You know you must start saying no  You know you must start saying yes You know you must to have "that" conversation You know you must to let go of the guy who you "like" but who clearly don't like you (check the actions not the words) You know you must be saving some dosh You know you must be...

Time. People. Children. Family. Commitments. It's all excuses so you don't have to do it. So you don't have to get uncomfortable. So you don't have to deal. You can hold onto those excuses as long as you want, but magic is waiting for you when finally do choose to let go. Maxie McCoy Getting uncomfortable is not something I go out seeking daily, like really, I do not wake up in the morning and say "Hey let's see how I can do something uncomfortable or get uncomfortable"  Growing involves some discomfort, somewhere somehow. I was chatting with my hairdresser- who I met when she was 16 years old- and the first time I met her I said wow this youth is an old soul. The kind of wisdom she dropped on me, stopped me in my tracks, ten years later and her wisdom has gotten like fine wine, anyways youth wisdom dropped that discomfort precedes growth and pain many times precedes birthing of something new and talked about the greatest example of labour pains an...

Every time my path leads me to a stage upon which I am granted the opportunity to align with the energies called to gather and celebrate the blessing of being, my heart is filled with appreciation and gratitude. And when we gather the possibility is Church. And when we gather the possibility is healing. Natalie Stewart Excerpt from Women of Influence Awards Speech- Akosua Dardaine Edwards I have learnt that personal power is how I am willing to be, what I am willing to do to preserve and  enhance my dignity self esteem and integrity How many of us walk around not knowing our own worth and our own personal power and look for it outside of ourselves in material things, in positions, in jobs maybe in the church. Things are nice but they are temporary and fleeting and like me some of us will work and work and work and work dishonouring  ourselves  to hold on to them as justification of our self worth and reason for being here When they fall away y...