What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

Life will do this: put things before you that you have absolutely no prior context for, nothing that you can turn to for some sense of navigation. Kate Swooboda’ She said to me running a business like this you have to multi task. I listened and I completely agreed. She said to me as of now you will be doing many things that you have never done before because we are growing this, taking it to another level. She said to me you will be called upon to tap into resources within you that you never even knew you had. She said, you will have to be creative there’s no one to teach you. I sat there with a smile on my face. You know the type of smile that says oh boy if I don’t smile it may well turn into tears. After that I tell you openly, every fear that could present itself came up and whispered in my ears. What if you mess this up? You are far from home, what if what if what if? Then I realised these what if’s will get you if you let them. I said stop, ease off, I am doing this, what...

Some lizards can kill you! Yesterday the action was high on the base, a beautiful looking colourful lizard decided that we were in his territory and paid a visit. As soon as one of them in the yard saw the lizard I have never heard such a ruckus on site, it was just about to bite one of the ladies, they were screaming and hollering and then finally they killed the thing. I stood there quiet, watching the scenes. Madam this lizard bites you and you are finished in 30 minutes. Finished? Yes Madam dead, gone, 30 minutes and you are dead, don’t waste time, kill on sight! Worked stopped they told tales of the lizard what it did who it killed and who killed it until 6pm! So what did I learn today? Stay away from the red and purple lizards in Uganda, it will finish you!! Peace!!!

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." - Harriet Beecher Stowe , was an American abolitionist and author. Confession time again on the journey! Yesterday I sold my house, I got the news on base and I felt so sad that I started crying, I didn’t even realize the tears were flowing so much. Then I was like hmm ok I am in the middle of the base boo hooing! OMG! She said to me I don’t know what you are crying for, maybe you think you lost something but just say thank you! Say thank you right now because if it’s a loss of something, it is clearing the way for something better. I just thought that it was one of the best pieces of wisdom that I heard in ages! Ego tripping about being a failure when I have an opportunity now to start again also I have every single thing that I need where I am right now!...

What did I learn today? Say thank you through support and circulation. Beware of getting into the “helping out the less fortunate, oh we’ve been blessed with all this let’s help those other ones who don’t have as much as we do” If that’s th e consciousness nothing is ever going to change, that’s not why you help. You help because they are your brothers and sisters who have just as much right to the abundance as you have. You help as an affirmation of their possibility. You help to level the playing field because you understand the concept of to whom much is given much is required. You help because it is your responsibility to circulate the blessings that you have, because it is your responsibility to leave here better than you met it. How do you support? Just show up! Each and every one of us has an opportunity every single day to do a little more. What energy are you releasing? We all have the power to do something in some small way. Peace!!

While goal setting can be a good thing, it can also be used as a tool for self-domestication. For example, often times we create goals in order to validate ourselves as acceptable or unacceptable. If we achieve the goal w e accept ourselves, if we do not we judge ourselves as failures. In this way, we are misusing goals and creating unnecessary suffering for ourselves and those around you. The questions to ask yourself when setting a goal are What is my motivation for doing this? Is it something I really want to do for me or am I doing this to please someone else? Am I attached to a particular outcome or am I open to all possibilities? When you set goals for yourself from a mindset of unconditional self-love, any outcome is a successful one. M iguel Ruiz Jr It’s important to have goals, it’s even more important your intention behind the goals. This is why I agree with Miguel Ruiz’s observation on goals, setting them and why you want to achieve them because I have walked ...

 "Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love." Mahatma Ghandi People tell me I need to fight more, that I need to stand up for myself, I am too soft. I listen to them and must admit sometimes I give in due to fear but generally, pouring love on a situation feels so much better! It diffuses it to a point where I am left not only with a lesson but with a feeling of peace and sometimes even gratitude. What got me thinking about this today, on the base there are some "difficult" soldiers! women who are just of the type where as soon as you walk in the others say Madam, stay away from that one! I have had my encounters with them and I decided from early on, the love will be flowing from me. Now that doesn't mean taking any old crap from people and not having boundaries. Its a response rather than a reaction, it is treating them the way you would want to be treated. You really just never know what people are going through! So anyways, duri...

I am not looking for anything in this world, although I so often think I am. I am looking for something I already have, but have denied. And the way to find it is to give it. To be it . ACIM The adventure continued! I ended up in the hospital, somehow the pain was just too much and I was unable to eat for a couple of days. They did a battery of tests on me, I kept the visualization and positive vibes as high as possible. I mentioned to them I rarely go to doctors as I am allergic to almost every bit of medication that I know. In the evening they told me we rule out malaria. About an hour later, they say good news you have ear and throat infection which caused the fever and the pain, you can go home lets just give you this medication for the pain, and to reduce the bacteria in your throat, they give me, about twenty minutes later I am swollen up all over OMG, I was allergic to the medication! So the frenzy begun! they rush around then come back to me. Sorry you cannot take these d...

Your mindset—what you think about, repeat to yourself, and profess out loud—will become your reality. (Lisa Nicols, author) OK so I am trying out this what you think about philosophy this week in particular with my health! I returned from the  Northern bush  of Uganda and I've been flat out in bed all week! I keep visualizing myself being well and keeping the self talk positive. I wake up to post my blog, of course!! and then it's back to bed for me. Tomorrow I am visualizing myself at the doctor getting some good news and a clean bill of health! In hindsight that trip is really very taxing so the lesson is to be prepared, vitamins, fluids and most important, use the bloody mosquito nets! I will admit I was playing the hero, I said wow this time around the bugs have gone and tossed the net aside with a loud laugh! Now I know better! The best visualization so far is me on a beach eating some of my mama's home cooked fish! Yea I know that one is for the future...

creativity is thinking up new things. Innovation is doing new things.  Therefore, be not only a creator, but an innovator. Put your new ideas into motion. Place them not just on paper, but on the ground.  Ah, yes, now you have done something (Neale Donald Walsh) Putting ideas to motion can be scary but I believe that being scared to implement something new is ok. It is how you know that you are moving outside of your comfort zone. If it doesn’t scare the living daylights out of you, that dream is comfortable, too small! The Universe will not put a dream in you and not give you the tools, I have learnt that, it is really up to you to do the rest. Many times we take the easy way out then start moaning about how the conditions weren’t right, the economy thins, the people who I work with were so and so, the money wasn’t there, the timing was off, all sorts of excuses in the name of fear! Fear and facts will trip you up!!   So what did I learn...

The only motivation that brings lasting change is self love. When I love and accept myself I want to treat myself well and be as healthy as I can be, and only then do I have the freedom to detoxify from whatever has been subjugating my will. When it comes to being motivated by self love to make changes in life there are no “I must” or “I should” in your vocabulary, the key phrase is always “I want to make this change for me” Making a change for yourself rather than to please others or to please your internal narrators makes all the difference between creating lasting change vs. a temporary illusion . Miguel Ruiz Jr. Miguel Ruiz’s new book is the truth! The Five attachments! It breaks it all down so simply about self love! How we get attached to things and people to define our self and our worth. Basically, his take is if you are doing things for other people then the change will be temporary. I can so identify with what he is saying! Change really has to come from within to b...

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning. Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers – Erich Fromm What is your relationship with uncertainty? Do you need to know what has to happen at every step of the way? Do you plan and plan and forecast and set permutations and combinations? I am a recovering certainty freak! I just needed to know! Now I have learnt that becoming successful and let me go even further to say happy, I need to have a relationship with uncertainty. One of the women said to me early on, “Madam you cannot know everything, so don’t even bother to fuss, and no one knows everything” This is where faith comes in, because you don’t know and cannot see nor predict everything, you have faith in yourself and faith in however you call the higher power! Listen, let me tell you now, with growth comes uncertainty, it just does and that’s what it is important to have some sort of relationship with uncertainty. You just never know with...

When you transcend circumstances you get special privileges. You get evidence that you are indeed amazing, and irrefutable proof that what your heart and mind choose is what matters. And you get the deep knowing that life wants you to win. Danielle La Porte The life up North is changing, and in my mind it is changing mainly due to the attitudes on the people up there! They want to rise, they want to make a change, they want to use what happened to them not as a crutch and reason to complain but as a springboard to something better, almost as a lesson! I think it is so awesome! I am so inspired by it that I have embraced this in my own life! Can you imagine having your child abducted and used as a soldier? Can you imagine seeing your family beaten burnt and killed? Can you imagine walking for days maybe with bruises or a gunshot wound? These are the normal stories and then I come with one like the bank is not bending on me falling back on my mortgage, I have to sell my house! I ...

You can always create great value in the world by allowing the value within you to be fully expressed . Ralph Marston Made the eight hour trip up North (I have never seen a highway in Uganda!) The trip becomes longer due to the state of the roads, some parts are not tarmac, the numerous police posts and stops and passing through the towns, it is mandated that one drives at 30km if not there will be the police there waiting for you smiling!! The base that I stay at was the first business after the war ended and up to now is still guarded by the army. It is in literally in the middle of the bush, that's all you see for miles! When the training ends I was there with the army guards, all the people left to go to their various villages! I decided to venture into town to use the Internet, that's just how it is around those part, town was buzzing with people and boda bodas, noise and music! The place looked like someone ate in 1980 and then spit it back out in 2013! put on pause! ...

The way to find your voice is to use your voice for those who can't use theirs - Agape Center I'm going to be off line for a few days as I head up North to work, the only thing that works up there really well is my blackberry! Going into the area with limited electricity and Internet access.  This area is slowly being built back after their 20 year conflict but there are some major infrastructural issues with a lack of roads, water, electricity and all that stuff that we take for granted! Will be conducting a couple of training sessions and meetings before I head back to Kampala! It's always fun to go and see my friends from Gulu and Masindi! Holla at ya on the other side! Wish me luck!! Peace!!!

Meaningful work + a fun time doing it = Bliss . Danielle La Porte, author Nothing beats doing work that you love, it really is an awesome feeling, the hard times become easier and the reward you get is just that magical and feeling of pride that swells up in   your tummy! For me to have reached to this point it took a lot of courage and doubting myself! How would I survive? How would I pay my bills? How this how that! And guess what? Your gift makes room for you in the world and that is all! I took the risk and it was super scary! The challenges and the all the rest come to see if you are really committed to what you say you want! And I have learnt that until you find that purpose, honour it and work towards it you will be downright miserable! And that is all Peace!

MARRIAGE (Union of Souls) Spiritual partnership Purpose larger than the individuals Source of support that facilitates growth Shared/common vision that advances union Commitment to God, family and community Anchored in God/divinity Iyanla This weekend I went to my first Ugandan wedding! It was such an interesting experience for me as it was new! In Uganda there are 56 tribes and each one of them have their own ceremonies. The wedding this time was with a woman who came from the Central region. I enjoyed the festivities tremendously; everything involved a dance of some sort! The bride had to dance with a group of her women friends and family around the venue to “find” the groom who was “hidden” when she “found” him the festivities began! More dancing! This time they danced together! After there was a dance in front the cake then she fed her parents as a gesture of gratitude for raising her to be a woman, and the groom did the same thing! I never went to a wedding wher...

Sacred Truth #7: Live in the present moment.- Unknown Being at the Source of the Nile was almost spiritual, you get onto this boat and you travel on the river for about half hour and then you come upon area in the middle of the river where the water is bubbling and boiling almost and you’re there! Two feet away you are on Lake Victoria and the water suddenly get calm again! Ok ok, I chickened out on the white water rafting! I saw the rapids and the water and I said hmm I am feeling the fear and not doing it anyway, I think here fear was making sense saying to me this looks dangerous. My guest felt the same way, he says UH UH no, not this time the water looks really tough today! So we enjoyed the day out, ate fresh fish went through the village and learned about people’s lives where material possessions are non-existent! The village was basic, there were animals, fresh food, fresh fish and family life, the visitor said to me wow they all look so happy and there's no electr...

We can't hate and love simultaneously; we can't project totally opposite worlds simultaneously. We project the world of fear or the world of love . ACIM   One of the best pieces of advice I have received is that I cannot doubt and believe at the same time! It’s one or the other, you either doubt or you believe, you can’t have a little bit of doubt and expect “it” to happen! You must believe and that means all the way, full tilt, full out! Part of that involves letting go of how you think it ought to be and looking at the big picture! I always remember this with everything I do and now the Course in Miracles takes it even further by suggesting that we either project fear or love to the world! This was cemented to me today at a meeting with one of our major donors, we were convinced that we were not living up to their expectations, that we were wanting in the Gender training and outcomes, that our reputation would be ruined and out of that projection of fear we contac...

The Universe is a miracle machine - (Marianne Williamson, author) Today I am stepping out of the comfort zone! ok ok no I was pushed out of the comfort zone! I am heading in about twenty minutes for a day out white water rafting on the Source of the Nile! Let me tell you, a couple of years ago I would not DARE step foot on a boat, much less a raft! OMG! Anyways, as The Universe would have it, we have a lot of visitors to the project and we have to entertain them, this particular guy said he wants to do the white water rafting and I was "chosen" as I "seem to be the most fit person there" so there it is pushed out of the zone! Wish me luck!!! Check you on the other side So what did I learn today The circumstances will come to show you that fear is not real! Embrace it and get excited! Peace!!!

We spend so much of our time wishing things were different and trying to make them be that way. In fact, if we look at our lives honestly, wishing something or someone were different and trying to bring about that change is the activity that occupies most of our lives. ACIM One of my favourite teachers Iyanla says “any moment can be the moment” and I interpret that to mean that it is important for me to be present, to be ready, to show up! I was reminded of that yesterday! I was having a conversation about some of the challenges that I felt that consumed me being here, the roads, the driving, the lack of infrastructure, water and electricity and I was reminded that no amount of wishing and hoping makes things different, first you accept the situation and then you do something to change it if you can, if you cannot then you work within what you have and be present! Why? Because when you put in the work, any moment can be the moment! Absolutely awesome!   So what did I l...

To pay attention that is our endless and proper work. So on Monday’s we bring the week together and brainstorm how to make this project the best it can be and sometimes the sessions gets really heated! Fireworks go off, I was expecting extra booms and blast this morning given what happened during the week.   We made preparations to open a retail shop in the middle of town, met with the landlord, saw the place and secured a six month lease which would have allowed us to see if it was a good idea!   Time arrived for us to make the payment and the landlord said bring the cash at 2pm on Wednesday to our new shop! Yipppee!!! Walk with a million cash (their monopoly money), got there and paid the money (it’s a cash economy here so walking with cash wasn’t a red flag per se) and the landlord said wait here he’s going to get the receipt, well we are still waiting!   The place is now occupied with someone else, his phone is disconnected and he’s nowhere to be found! Ok so who’...

How do you react when you think you need people's love? Do you become a slave for their approval? Do you live an inauthentic life because you can't bear the thought that they might disapprove of you? Do you try to figure out how they would like you to be, and then try to become that, like a chameleon? In fact, you never really get their love. You turn into someone you aren't, and then when they say "I love you," you can't believe it, because they're loving a facade. They're loving someone who doesn't even exist, the person you're pretending to be. It's difficult to seek other people's love. It's deadly. In seeking it, you lose what is genuine. This is the prison we create for ourselves as we seek what we already have.” ―Byron Katie author     What would you do if you were not afraid? I have been thinking about this for the past few days. What would I say if I were not afraid? How would I respond if I were not afraid? ...

" All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.” Byron Katie   I love Byron Katie’s work, why? To me it is simple and makes a lot of sense, when I am getting frustrated at things here I remember her experiences as she writes about them in her many books. When you argue with reality, you suffer Yesterday I stayed on base all day, just had a quick snack and left to take a run. After the run I got home, as I was stepping out of the shower, the electricity and water was cut off! I uttered a loud and huge sigh! Not again! I’m starving, I have some work to finish maybe I want to watch some TV before bed! What sort of Government would allow electricity to be so hit and miss? All the complaints and reactions came flooding to the surface. I found the only charged lamp left in the flat – Note to self, charge all the lamps please! Then I sat on the bed to wait for the lamp to charge, just as it lit up as on cue there were my books staring at me, Byr...

You don’t have to hold yourself hostage for who you used to be or anything you ever used to do. Everyone has made mistakes. Don’t hold yourself hostage for who you’ve been or what you’ve done. Negativity has energy too. Be aware of that in your life. You do not have to stay in the place of negativity. You can walk away from that energy. Don’t let people who put off negativity in the world attach to you…Don’t be a part of letting that kind of energy have power in the world. There is a force of dark energy in the world. Don’t be a part of it. It is possible for ANYBODY to wake up and do better. Oprah   I was having a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday I told her I don’t want to be a fool ever again, she told me listen to the things I talk about and “stop playing d arse” In Trini lingo that means act like you know! I laughed but you know she was absolutely spot on and right like rain!   I admit it, I beat up on myself for decisions that I make when thin...

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away , The Invitation By Oriah Being in Uganda has changed my perspective on quite a number of things, things I thought were important, that were necessary has now taken on a whole other view. I now treasure things like having a life purpose, doing my best in every circumstance, acting out of love rather than fear, desire and feelings. Those things before were there in my mind but were rather secondary if I am completely honest, in fact some of them did not exist! Now, they are most prominent and its all about a change in perception. Deborah L Johnson spoke about perspective and sums it up in this way “Everything is perception, everything is what you see, it’s your story, it’s what you see! The exact same thing can happen to someone else and it’s a different story, you can’t go back and change the facts but when you go back and change the p...

"The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something. It's as simple as that. A lot of people have ideas, but there are few who decide to do something about them now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today. The true entrepreneur is a doer, not a dreamer." - Nolan Bushnell , founder of Atari and Chuck E. Cheese's. Ok so for those who know me they know I am not a big talker! And what I mean by that is that I prefer to do and then discuss what I do after or maybe show what I have done! I must admit that many times that this approach has gotten me in some deep and murky waters filled with alligators and snakes but I have managed to swim safely to shore with a few cuts and bruises to tell the tale. Massive action is one of my favourite sayings! I cannot stress it enough, get to action leave the talk for after I am learning the patience and acceptance to deal with the talkers, before I would switch off! But I am getting better now I listen because ...