We don't adequately think an issue through

We don't adequately think an issue through; we let fear rule a decision. digging ourselves an even deeper hole than the one we're already in; we fail to connect deeply with people and situations around us, leading to all manner of negative results Marianne Willamson

When I make a decision based on fear, it backfires, shit hits fan - no exception! work, love, play, any category.
And what exactly is fear in my case? When love is absent, when the ego is raging, when I am out to prove something or someone wrong or prove myself right, when I forget who I am and start acting needy, and I think my worth is established by what other people think and not by God

So, I made a promise to myself not to concsiously  get involved with someone, either through face to face contact or technology- why?  I just felt that given the experiences that I had with this person I felt that,  I was not  a priority - a friend, in a way that I defined friendship. Really nice person though and the thing is, their  interpretation of our friendship may be totally different to mine.  And that is okay
We don't usually get to tell people how to love us, what we get is the opportunity to choose if we want that type of loving, we get to choose if we want to be around it. Don't bother trying to change people - that usually doesn't end very well.
I know now that my feelings are my responsibility, I cannot or I will not, hold anyone responsible for how I am feeling, the feelings are mine.
And so I did the whole delete all contact, distracted myself when the urge arose to chat, you know how we do it?
Yesterday I relented and seriously, nothing feels worse to me than going back on my own word when I did not renegotiate it in advance.
I contacted the person
I did it out of fear
And it was a bad idea
Do things in love, discipline yourself to do things that are self loving and self honoring, take the time to forgive yourself when you go off course
It will get better
All things are lessons that God will have us learn
and all things are for good
Peace 

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