What did I learn today? Lessons on the Journey to Unconditional Self Love

There is no such thing as damaged goods, lost causes, failure. There is however limited circumstances such as money, public opinion etc. The miracle worker is one who refuses to meet limited circumstances with limited thinking (Marianne Willamson, author) A so called penny dropping moment, some refer to it as an A-HA moment! I just got it! I totally understand it at a whole other level now- this acting out of love, out of service. It must line up in every single part of my life. From work to home!! It cannot be a part time thing! It must be in thought, words and actions! So the conversation was about bills and debt, an offer was made to me to stick around here in Africa much longer than my contracted period. I said hmm I have a lot of debts and really I will have to think about this because even though I am happy and grateful for everything here, I really do this for love not money and maybe it’s time for me to own up to my responsibilities to start meeting them and making some...

“Success means we go to sleep at night knowing that our talents and abilities were used in a way that served others.” ― ( Marianne Williamson author) I woke up early I like to take a run and watch the sun come up, it’s part of my meditation routine. As usual I open the gate and the yellow bottles catch me! The women mainly are going for or bringing back water. I have my ear phones in and head down deciding what soca I will need to get me through this run, when I raise my head I see a group of girls but what caught my eye was a little girl, she must have been about three or four with her container full of water, bare feet too!. She can barely make it and asked another girl to hold her hand and help her; the girl says my own is heavy too but hold on to my skirt. I go up to them and ask “you guys need help?” I doubt that I have ever seen such a smile in my life from that little girl! Wow! “yes madam” I take her container and another one from a next little girl and we get to walk...

The power has been gone for days! It was getting to me, honestly!!! So I got all stroppy, bloody Arsenal playing in the FA Cup I want to see that match! How you people deal with this electricity thing? Every day electricity plays hide and seek, jeezan ages!!!   Then I start moaning about the women filling water, the moaning just started, I don’t understand this whole water thing walking for miles to fill this yellow container, if I see another yellow container again it better not be on a woman’s head!! So as soon as it left my mouth the response came. Madam Akosua, What exactly is it about YOUR life that has YOUR attention? Don’t give your attention to things that doesn’t deserve it. For what purpose are you giving it your attention anyway? Is it to find fault with yourself or with others? What you give your attention to it grows, it manifests, pay attention! When you have the intention of living your life from the place of awareness, from consciousness you can fill all t...

“In every community, there is work to be done. In every nation, there are wounds to heal. In every heart, there is the power to do it.” ( Marianne Williamson author) Ok, the power went again, it still out this time to accompany it there’s a heavy rain, thunder, lightning and darkness too! I jumped in my car and as I was driving watching the scenes. The majority of roads are not tarmac so they are muddy and slippery, and the majority of the people have no power. I think to myself, the majority of these issues can be solved so very easily. Got to base, no power there either!! To be honest, this is the one of the things that, for me, it takes great patience and self talk, for me to deal with while being here. The other is the water situation. Women, many with children strapped to their backs, with yellow containers walking miles to carry water! Every day I come outside and it hits me smack!!!! Now what I have learnt is that I can either be part of the problem or part of the sol...

Show up and make your contribution; introduce a novel idea; start that new business; and make your presence known. Make your move now (Les Brown motivational speaker)   Life out here is always a lesson and adventure. One of the things that I have had to accept is that electricity is not a given! For the past two days it has been in very scarce supply! It finally was restored today. Coming from an environment where it’s a given it did take some getting used to not having constant power! Not being in the situation where you switch on the lights and they work all the time! But I have learnt that when you argue with reality you suffer! The power goes and I moan and groan and say “not again” and the locals watch me and say “what’s the matter madam?” this is our reality!   I admit I do not understand the society here, no running water, intermittent power and basic amenities are not a given! Despite all the challenges there are many people doing their bit to make things better,...

At some point the thing that you are praying/working for can’t be out there, there must be some connectedness to it, something has to shift in YOU. There is a realisation that it’s now; it’s here a possibility consciousness. You don’t need a blueprint, you have released all the reasons why not, in your mind it’s a done deal ain’t nobody can tell you nothing! It’s a place of gratitude, there’s thanksgiving and it’s not after the fact it’s not like give me something and I will say thank you! Standing in pure expectancy and you are not letting the problems define you, it’s a joy knowing that the freedom is coming! Deborah L Johnson author I had absolutely no plans of being in Uganda, of working here at any point! My focus was working with women entrepreneurs in any way that they need. I’ve learnt to trust the process. I was in Ottowa at the UN Women meeting, I was asked to moderate a session with women entrepreneurs from developing countries on emerging trends and how these can be...

What we experience is our own concept of things. That is why no two people see quite the same world, and why, in many cases, different people see such different worlds. To put it in another way, we make our own world by the way in which we think; for we really do live in a world of our own thoughts. It follows from this that if our thinking is faulty, our conditions must be faulty too until our thinking is corrected; and that it is useless to try to improve outer things if we leave our own mentality unchanged . Emmett Fox author T.D Jakes puts in so nicely, he says “you maybe just one thought away from your purpose, from your dream, what are you thinking?” I admit, I was living an unconscious life, living randomly and one of my many women “teachers” said to me. Just going along not paying attention to my thoughts, core beliefs and consciousness, status quo, school, work, marriage, house. I believed that it was why we are here? Well I have learnt that its part of the deal not the...

Take the time to discover your real intention before you act. If it is to change someone or the world so that you will feel safe or better about yourself, don't act on it, because it is an intention of fear and can create only painful consequences. If your real intention is to create harmony instead of discord, cooperation instead of competition, sharing instead of hoarding, and reverence for life instead of exploitation, act on it, because it is an intention of love and can create only healthy and wholesome consequences. When you do this, you are creating authentic power. Gary Zukav, author The lessons continue, she asked what did you achieve in 2012? Now this time I did not just open my mouth and answer as I would normally do. I asked her, “what did you achieve in 2012?” She laughed and said you are quick, let me tell you my daughter, your achievements are important, particularly when you set goals but make no mistake the goals you set come from who you are. There are many...

Life will not be denied! No matter how many bombs, gun fired the sun comes up, the birds sing; life will not ever be denied so why worry!   You just show up ready!   Rev. Deborah L. Johnson   So this is the scene, think of a village, green lush open spaces, nothing a “Westerner” would consider “valuable”. There is no electricity, everything is powered by two solar panels, no running water, the pump is about two miles away, no flat screen TV’s, no fancy dining sets. Just some small brick houses, children running around playing, more fruits than you can imagine, watermelons, pawpaw’s (the biggest that I have ever seen), pineapples, mangoes. Other crops like sweet potatoes, corn, maize, spinach. They are having a V&S that’s a Village and Savings Committee meeting. The women get together to save money and decide how the cash is spent. Anyways. I get there and trust me it is one of the best lessons of my journey thus far. She said “Who are you madam?” I respond ...

The point of life is not to get anywhere—it is to notice that you are, and have always been, already there. You are, always and forever, in the moment of pure creation. The point of life is therefore to create—who and what you are, and then to experience that . ( Neale Donald Walsch, author) You are here not to do something, but to be something! She says you have this thing in Western Society where you put on premium on control, you put a premium on knowing, which is it’s like almost a sin not to know, not to have it mapped out. The mapping of the thing is to create capacity within you to move forward, you get too attached to the plan! It’s not about the plan, our activities are never about the thing itself, it isn’t what gets created it’s who we become in the process of the creation, when you check out of   here you don’t take any of your creations with you. We are here not just to do something but to be something! Know what you are, not just who you are! So what did I ...

The journey is filled with ups and downs. Don't confuse the two as ever being everlasting. Get up every day and apply yourself, be authentic, trust your instincts and know that the more you apply yourself the better you get day by day. The day you are waiting for is the day you want to give up, that is when you MUST keep going. That's the barrier between normal and greatness. — (Jackson Kiddard Author and polymath)   Many of us think of greatness as being famous and doing some sort of super extraordinary thing. I’ve learnt that being great starts with being authentic, with having humility and providing service to your fellow brothers and sisters. Doing your best in the circumstances that you are in and striving towards making the world you live in better than how you found it. Why do we wait one single moment to be follow our purpose? I’ve learnt here that you can start where ever you are! You can be a light wherever you are right now, you can do your best wherever you a...

There is no power in fear, or in any activities that are generated in fear. There is no power in a thought form of fear, even if it is supported by armies” Gary Zukav author I was driving to base yesterday and stuck in traffic, walking past me I counted seven men walking with a huge machine gun slung across their shoulders. It struck me, I decided to pay attention. Within that time I counted eleven men walking with large machine guns either in their hands or across their chest or back either walking,   riding a bike or standing waiting for a taxi. Got to base I wanted to find out about this new “sighting” I asked how come those guys have guns in the morning. They told me that they are on their way to work. Hmm so do they take the guns home? Yes some of them do! Madam this is a police state have you forgotten that we are ruled by the army? After that I noticed that there are guns everywhere, at the supermarket, at the bank, everywhere! I am not convinced that ruling th...

Avoid head trash. Don't be a garbage can for anything that does not feed your intellect, stimulate your imagination, or make you a more compassionate peaceful person. Refuse to open your mind to other people's trash. Tune out anything that promotes conflict or controversy. This can infect you with a mind virus of cynicism or defeat, and   you won't even know it! Be deliberate about setting up your day to win. Whatever you feed your mind in the first 30 minutes of the day, will impact the spirit of your day. Saturate yourself with positive words that fuel your energy and ignite your spirit. Your thoughts create your reality. Create an extraordinary life!   (Les Brown, motivational speaker) There was an advertisement on the television when I was growing up which ended saying a mind is a terrible thing to waste! I didn’t know what it meant then but now I sure do! You and only you have control over your thoughts and your mind which is why it is so important that you pa...

Many of us use our power incorrectly. We are either powerless and don't believe in ourselves or we use our power to dominate and control others. Oftentimes, we give our power away to families, friends, churches, governments, and doctors because we don’t want to accept responsibility for ourselves and make the changes necessary to transcend everything holding us back from reaching our highest soul’s potential. We falsely believe it is easier to allow others to figure everything out for us, telling us what to do, rather than relying on our own abilities and intuitive wisdom from our inner being (from t he book Raising the Vibration) Accepting responsibility for your actions can be tough! No one wants to be “wrong”, to “look bad” but a funny thing happens when you actually take responsibility for your actions, you move forward, you become free for want of a better word. Taking responsibility to me means also being held accountable and forgiving yourself. I have learnt that it ...

In the breakdown moment, the very thing you have feared, resisted, denied will stand before you shaking its finger in your face and sticking its tongue out at you. It will show you things about yourself that you refused to see or acknowledge. It will tease you, taunt you, push you, pull you to the verge of breaking down. In fact, that is its purpose. In the breakdown moment your  defenses  breakdown, your fantasies shatter, your excuses fail, your resistance erodes. In that moment when there is nothing standing between you and the thing you fear most, you will be forced to step into your greatness because that is what life is demanding of you (Until Today) She asked me, “why do you play small?”  my first reaction was that she was talking about my weight as the conversation was previously on the different type of African food that I have been sampling. I responded “ I play small because I work out” and I chuckled! Blank stare!! “Do you know that you have a respon...

"People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my mom and dad. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza. What am I saying when I say I love my mom and dad? I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them. What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza? (What? Not enough pepperoni? I'll be right there!) Of course not. When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I...

Ask yourself what is the difference between your essential needs and your artificial needs. What are your genuine needs, and what are the needs your have created for other reasons, to control, or to manoeuvre others, or to gain attention? Know yourself deeply and clearly enough to recognize what is a legitimate need of you as a human being and you as that part of yourself that created needs for certain reasons- such as to gain external notice, or prestige, or become a distinguishable individual. Learn to identify these and then choose which you wish to live with. Gary Zukav author Vivos asked me a question she said “Madam, do you think that women are here on earth just to work for men and make children” totally random and out of the blue. I said hmm where did that question come from Vivos? The floodgates were opened! I must confess I never really sat down and chatted with Vivos in detail but on this day I was around so the opportunity presented itself I guess.   She said to...

“Making a decision is only the beginning of things. When someone makes a decision he/she is diving into a strong current that will carry them places that they have never dreamed of, when they first made that decision” Unknown I truly believe that decision is power! When a decision is made and thought, word and deed is alignment that is the start of things to come, which is the beginning of miracles. I see it every day, even with me. I dance around the issue and either procrastinate or ignore and its either things get worse or I stress myself out! A lot of time the delay in making decisions is due to our tendency to avoid pain or fear of the unknown. But I have learnt that acting out of love rather than fear always produces the results that are right for me at that particular point in time. So I am battling with a making a decision about how  I will move forward with not just being here in Uganda but my life path in general and this is what came to mind this morning, thou...

Miracles are our birthright. We don't need to earn them, we just need to accept them as our truth. The only thing blocking us from living a miraculous life is our disbelief. Our lack of faith karate chops the miracle and disconnects us from our power. The only thing we need to experience a miracle is the willingness to see Love over fear . Gabby Bernstein author There are some interesting laws here that govern the ownership of land, working in the agricultural area I am exposed to these laws and immediately have to kick in my “open mindedness” Yesterday, the discussion was on the fact that once married in some areas the women are not allowed to own the land, if the man dies the land passes over to his brother or other male relative in the family. One woman decided to fight this, it just takes one right? She was promptly evicted with her children by the new “land owners” who by the way is “family”. With very little income and three children she found a room in another part of...

Feeling abundant surpasses the money in your bank account and transcends what others may think of you. Genuinely feeling abundant and successful is possible when you detach yourself from the things you desire and allow them to flow to you- and through you. Wayne Dyer (author) One of the best advice I ever received was " do your best, detach from the outcome and let if go, being worried about what will happen next and trying to control it not change anything but the color of your hair" I must confess that I was a planner and control freak! Silently I would play out scenarios in my head of how I will conquer my world. It must happen, I will make it happen how I wanted it and when all is said and done it will be just the way I want it to be! Being here in Uganda I have had the opportunity to see the meaning of abundance in a totally different way, a life of joy and contentment to many people without all the material trappings that I have for so lo...

If you knew you had a choice about what kind of life you could be living, would you choose different? If you knew failure is impossible, what would you do? If it were true that everyone you meet is you in another body, how would you treat them? If love was the true currency of the Uni-verse and the more you gave away the more you received, how would you spend it? If fear were the biggest illusion and the greatest lie of all time, how would you choose to live your life? If the Uni-verse always supported a life lived towards achieving dreams, how big would you dream? Jackson Kiddard author I love Jackson Kiddard’s work, and what’s even better with it is that he walked his talk! I read his stuff when I realize that I am choosing to enter the pity party club! Because I now make an effort to pay attention to what I am feeling I become aware when I am paying the fee to enter the pity club to party! Awareness is the first step to being conscious and also to healing! So ye...

“With our technologies we have turn our whole world into a neighborhood but we have yet to transform it into a brotherhood or a sisterhood” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. There was a commotion outside the compound, I caught it just as I was about to take my morning jog and take advantage of the awesomeness of an African sunrise. The people were looking angry, agitated and animated. I spotted Emma in the melee. Emma is the guy who takes care of the compound, he called me I get there and lo and behold they are beating this man senseless!! My jaw hit the floor, Emma says “madam this is a thief and this is how we deal with them” I said “Emma they are beating this man, oh dear!!” his response was “madam do you like thieves? Do you want thieves in the village? This is what thieves get, you don’t act like you are on the thief’s side or you get some of the beating”. Ok then!!! They beat the man, break his hands and feet then the police came and put him in the police van. So ...

We are blinded by looking outside of ourselves, the answers are in you and there will be signs that ALWAYS point you back to you! Deborah L Johnson (author) The concept of value came up yesterday. Value of self mainly! How do you value yourself? What an absolutely beautiful question! Had me thinking for a hot minute! “you people” Now when that phrase begins a conversation I have learnt that a lesson is coming and to pay attention! “you people always look to someone else to value everything you do, this is from the smallest thing to the largest, you do a painting, the value is based on someone else, your house is valued by someone else, your qualifications by someone else, that is not my standard, I place the value on me and my work and that is all” I thought about that for a moment and realised that I have been guilty of that. I relied on external validation for many things. I was of the belief that if my family, my friends, the status quo didn’t say hey well done, or you are...

You should see everything about your life as a lesson. Ask, "Am I empowering myself?" Even for a tiny thing, like if you're in the grocery store and you're thinking, "Should I buy that?" And your gut says, "You know you can't eat that." If you decide not to listen, you've harmed yourself by blocking your intuitive voice .Carolyn Myss author Go for the joy! Oh just go for the joy! I just reached to a point where I refuse to be sad and anxious anymore! That is over!! The anxiety and proving myself to myself is over!!   I decided to go for the joy! To do something every single day that brings me joy!   It’s an internal experience that takes your mind to a whole other place, it feeds and nurtures your soul and is led by your soul. Going for the joy is allowing myself to be vulnerable because I know I can’t be hurt, I am in my rightful place, I’m powerful and   in my  own place, it doesn’t matter what other people do! Doesn’t mean that I ...