A balancing act

There’s no ease, no expansiveness, no faith in oneself or trust in the world, when you avoid making choices that would lift you up, because you’re afraid of not having enough money.

It’s a fear of being defined by your (low) bank account numbers.
It’s a fear that you lack resourcefulness to find solutions if the shit hit the fan.
It’s a fear that you don’t know how to deal with the stress of a serious financial challenge.
It’s a fear that the world, your world, will fall apart.

The fear - yea the fear of having no money for me is real, the struggle.... is real! And yet the Course in Miracles says nothing real can be threatened and nothing real falls away. So I must be hallucinating or something...
Deep down I know that it is really all a big heap of fear and I will admit, confessions on the journey, that I find myself  deep in the heap. 

This month, oh my word,  a shovel and back hoe seemed to be required to get me out of the  deep heap as I was down to my last 20 bucks, I haven't been here in a while.

I was trained as an accountant, I read many books on savings and investment, I followed many of the principles, saved ten percent of my income, invested in mutual funds, paid myself first yadda yadda yadda
and in a flash it was gone -well not a flash but you know what I mean...
Choices rooted in fear and notenoughness will inevitably result is chaos and more fear and so that is what manifested in my life resulting in the "loss" of those material things.
And so it was I did all those things in fear of losing it to show the world that  I had it all together. All the reasons not to do something!
And so after the "loss"I said - what's the point, I might as well live my life and ignore all that so called good advice - another fear - detachment is a subtle form of fear, pretending you do not care to avoid being hurt again.
A balance, I have learnt, is required
According to my grandma - everything in moderation, even moderation in moderation
My choice now is to plant the seed and believe, do the work and believe, set the intention to live life abundantly and trust that it will happen and... believe
I have some awesome angels around me and one of them have stepped in to play the role of business manager and this I have seen immediate effects
There is the choice of jumping on the Scarcity loop or the Abundance loop
and trust me abundance comes in to my life in so many different forms
And just as I was about to spend the $20bucks, someone called me for a cheque- abundance comes in many ways and always right on time


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