You get to say how you are treated - You!

A boundary is a demonstration of self-respect and respect for others. When you know what is expected of you, you have the power to choose whether or not you want to participate or be in relationship with people. Boundaries related to privacy, confidentiality, time requirements, personal space or property and commitment expectations serve to create, facilitate and enhance the  quality and integrity of any relationship. It is your duty to take responsibility for how you expect and allow others to treat you Iyanla Vanzant

My biggest challenge was setting and keeping boundaries, especially in intimate relationships. I learnt after that this came from a place of limited self love and wanting to please people. I was a people pleaser.
I wanted to always have everyone be fine and happy with me and so I would allow all sorts of bad behavior - not that I did not say anything about it but I never took responsibility for any change, they were just told and there were no repercussions and accountability

How many of us accept disrespect in the name of love?
How many of us accept bad behavior in the name of keeping the peace

Something as simple as - drinking and smoking - you asked your partner or a family member to please respect me, my house and my wishes by not smoking and drinking in my house. They do it, you make a fuss and moan, they do it again, you still allow them in your house. Bad behaviour!
Your choice is to say - due to the fact that you are unable to respect my wishes, please do not visit me at my house- simple!

For me, I never felt totally comfortable and secure in my relationship that I accepted so much nonsense and breaking of boundaries, once there is no self respect I have learnt no one will respect you. You break your own boundaries and commitments to yourself that it becomes normal to accept when others do the same
It is a choice of courage over comfort, the discomfort though is temporary

I was over 30 years old before I learned to say no. And I have learnt it is a complete sentence and after it is said no lightening strikes me! Who knew??


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